Instinct
by jenismyhomegirl
Summary: Paily. Emily is about to enter her junior year of college at Hollis. She should be happy with her girlfriend (Alison) and no more A disrupting their lives. But when she crosses paths with Paige for the first time in over a year, she is reminded of what her life could have been and wonders if she made the right choices.
1. Chapter 1

My eyes unfocused as I took the times, the girls disappearing in the water they were churning up with their fevered strokes. I shouldn't get so distracted. I tried to shake my head and make sure I would at least catch when to stop my watch.

"Fields!" Dana shouted, making a gesture like she was clicking an invisible remote with one hand.

"Got it!" I said as I mashed the stop button on the watch, and the girls pulled themselves out of the pool. They dried off, rallying around Dana for a series of stretches to cool down from the practice. She waved me over, smiling graciously through her noticeable frustration with me.

"How were their times?" She asked, hoping that I actually knew the answer and didn't totally lose track of time.

"Sharks are doing well. I'm impressed with the times despite some of the choppier form I was seeing out there. You want to be powerful and fast but succinct in the water with your movement. You are working with it, not against it." I added, smiling at them. I was always the good cop in terms of saying positive things to the girls. After all, this should be a fun part of their lives, assuming it isn't muddied with multiple homicides and threats.

"Alright sharks you heard her. Keep working on the form. You are free to shower and go now." Dana nodded towards the locker rooms, effectively releasing them. Then she turned to me.

"Everything okay Emily?" We only called each other by our first names outside the earshot of the team, even though I had been on the team with some of them when they were freshman and sophomores. They were used to calling me Emily but should get comfortable with Coach Fields.

"Yeah! Sorry Dana, just seems like my mind is all over the place today. Some good rest and I'll perk up." I shrugged sheepishly; embarrassed she had caught me staring off again. Seems like I did it too often lately.

"Okay good. I need you out there."

"I know. You all do." I said, trying my best to sound light-hearted. I would settle if I sounded somewhere near normal. We walked along the edge of the pool to get to our offices, the expansive place now humid from the practice.

In my case, the office was a tiny desk in the corner of Dana's office. Since I wasn't an actual teacher and just a part-time coach, I didn't warrant an entire room. It was fine, usually I had to speed over here after class at Hollis anyway, and didn't have much to stash or go over.

I grabbed my stuff, noticing a test message notification.

**Ali:** You on your way home Em?

I wrote back an affirmative before shouldering my bag and walking. In the hallway I bumped into a rapidly moving figure, one the notebooks of team times and meet orders dropping to the floor. We bumped heads attempting to reach down and grab it at the same time. My head buzzed as my eyesight grew dim for a moment. When I focused again, I realized I had run into Sydney. The swimmer I was most likely to actively avoid as coach.

"Emily!" She said in equal amounts of excitement and surprise. I rolled my eyes. Sydney still seemed sorry for what she had done, but I didn't want to hear it. I tried to be as neutral towards her as possible so as not to seem unprofessional.

"I'm Coach Fields now." I said back, taking the notebook from her hand.

"Sorry. It is habit." She said, biting her lip. She clearly had more to say and was trying to figure out how to say it.

"What is it?" I asked, frustrated by her delaying me from getting back home.

"I just…I don't understand why you are still upset with me. You got everything you wanted." She said in a quiet voice. Her usually infectious excitement had disappeared so her voice was a popped balloon, deflated and devoid of its joy. But her words hit a vulnerable nerve I did my best to avoid. You got everything you wanted…

"Sorry if I gave you that impression. I just have a lot on my plate right now, juggling all these things I wanted." I smirked to cover up the pang in my heart when I said it.

* * *

I walked in the door and dropped my keys on their hook and my bag on the ground in one motion. At least summer conditioning camp would only last a few weeks. Between my summer classes and the practices I was exhausted.

"Emily? That you?" I heard from the kitchen. I could smell something savory wafting in the air and smiled.

"Yeah mom." I walked in the kitchen and kissed her cheek.

"Smells delicious." I noted, taking a peak at the pasta.

"Thanks. It will be ready soon so could you get your dad and Alison?" She nodded her head in the direction of the backyard.

"Of course." When I went out I saw they were playing poker. I didn't know what my dad entertained playing Alison at poker. She had the best poker face of anyone I knew.

"Mom said dinner will be ready soon."

"Very well. We can pick this up after dinner, right Alison?" My dad smiled and slowly propelled himself up from the chair. He was doing his best to not strain his heart, but I still kept an eye on him to make sure he wasn't straining himself. He lightly touched my shoulder as he walked past.

"Of course we will Wayne." Alison called after him. Since she spent so much time over here, she had started calling my parents by their first names. It was a little disconcerting, but they didn't mind so why should I?

I turned to Alison, impressed that she waiting a beat to make sure we were alone out there after my dad was out of eyeshot. Once he cleared the sliding door leading into the house, she nearly stormed up to me, cupping my face with her hands and kissing me gently, with an urgent undercurrent. Her lip balm tasted like watermelon.

"Em…how was your day?" She asked once we broke apart, dropping one of her hands to take my own.

"Busy. And yours?" I asked, mustering up a smile.

"It was good…but it's much better with you here now." She smiled her small grin and led me inside. We would have family dinner, and then I would have to try and start the mountain of reading awaiting me. It was starting to be the routine.


	2. Chapter 2

After we wrapped up dinner, Alison continued her game of poker with my dad. I started reading the next chapter of my Kinesiology textbook, but half my attention was on my door. I was waiting with baited breath for Alison to walk through and distract me from my reading.

I averted my eyes and glanced at my message board instead. It mostly had photos of me with Spencer, Hanna, and Aria along with some swimming memorabilia. It had long been scrubbed of anything related directly to Paige. Initially Alison didn't like the Rosewood Sharks items, insinuating that I kept it because it reminded me of Paige. Once I was kept on as Assistant Coach, she had to give up on that battle. It was no matter. There was always another battle to be had.

I shook my head and focused back on the chapter I was reading.

"How's the studying going?" Alison says, leaning against the doorframe. I put my book down and shrug, gazing at her.

"It is pretty nonexistent right now. Thinking about something a little more stimulating." Alison smiles, almost bashfully; though I know bashful is not something in her repertoire. She shuts and locks the door behind her, and I smile.

"Maybe I can help." She comes to the bed and sits herself in my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. I kiss her, trying to be gentle at first, but soon she is gyrating against my hips and I am pressing my fingers under her shirt, losing any hesitance as I claim more and more of her hot, soft skin with my hands.

My abandoned textbook falls to the ground with a soft thud on the carpet as I lift off me and lay her on the bed.

* * *

My phone lets out a small bleep, stirring us from a post-coital nap.

**Aria Montgomery:** Drinks tomorrow after class?

**Me:** Sure. Alison invited too?

**Aria Montgomery:** Sure…

I sigh, frustrated, but let it go. As it is, I can tell Alison is trying to read over my shoulder and I don't want her to become explicitly aware at how much the others still feel about her. And us. And…everything.

"Who was that?" Alison asks, snuggling against me.

"Aria wants to grab drinks tomorrow after class. TGIF and all." I brush her hair away from her eyes.

"I'll add it to the calendar. Even though I don't really get why you guys do summer classes."

"Faster we finish the faster we can move on to the next big thing. Beside I think we are used to excessively high levels of excitement. We simply can't handle the mundane anymore." I say, kissing Alison on the forehead. She is quiet after that, so I decide to broach the subject again. The one that keeps spinning around in my mind.

"You know, coming up on our junior year, I was thinking we could look at apartments. I mean…as much as I love having sex in my childhood room as an adult, it would be a nice change of pace." I tried to phrase it as a joke so it wouldn't hurt if she shot the idea down again.

"Em you know I think it is a really…fun idea. But we are saving money by staying with your parents. And besides it make me feel safer, with your mom and dad here. Since you are gone half the day anyway between school and coaching and the Brew…" It sounded so honest.

"I want you to feel safe. But it's been two years. I just…I want us to start our lives together. As grownups." I searched her eyes, trying to figure out what she was really thinking. Two years and Alison was still such an addictive mystery to me.

"Funny. I thought that was what we were already doing." She nodded her head down to our clothes on the ground. My cheeks flushed at her brashness.

I let it pass. Again.

* * *

"Hey Em!" Aria gestured for me to come over to a booth she had nabbed. It wasn't too crowded yet, but the Hollis Bar and Grill would start to pick up as more people finished up a week of classes and school. Aria noticed Alison was with me and tried to look excited.

"Hey Ali." She said in a quieter voice. I had been the first to forgive Alison when we realized that she really had concocted an elaborate plan to protect us all from the police. The others were still cold but civil towards her, unable to forget the months of what they felt was unnecessary deceit.

"Aria." She said warmly. Alison was pretty much aware of how the others felt, but by not saying it out loud we could all be civil.

"How was your week?" I asked.

"Photography is still kicking my ass, but Milton is actually pretty interesting. He was blind by the time he wrote _Paradise Lost_. Gives me hope that if photography doesn't work out I can still be a poet in order to function as a starving artist." Aria drank a sip of her beer and Alison went to grab us drinks. She looked over at Alison and then back to me.

"Just say it." I said, resigned.

"How are things in paradise found anyway?" She asked sarcastically, quirking an eyebrow. First Sydney yesterday and now Aria…

"I'm allowed to be happy, aren't I?" It sounded shorter than I intended, but I didn't apologize. She widened her eyes, surprised at how raw the nerve was.

"Sorry Em. I was just joking. You out of all people deserve to be happy and validated. I just…always thought that would be with someone else." She met my eyes, but quickly dropped her gaze since Alison was just getting back to the table.

"What'd I miss?" Alison said, smiling at both of us.

"More discussion as to what kind of starving artist Aria will be. Very intense debate, still undecided actually." I held up my beer and they raised their glasses as well.

"To another week down." I said, swallowing the first cold gulp, tasting the carbonated bubbles splash against my tongue.

"When do Spencer and Hanna get back?" Ali asked.

"Both within the week." Aria replied. I realized I wasn't quite sure myself. She must keep in better touch with them.

"I can't believe they haven't just given Spencer an honorary degree already, with all the classes she took as a high school student." I muttered, taking another sip of the beer. Just as I finished talking, I heard a familiar, husky voice carry from the front. Aria was facing the door, and I registered her surprised expression before I turned around and saw her.

Paige had just walked into the bar with a small group of varsity swimmers, Sydney included. I tried to drop my gaze before she spotted me, but it seemed like she sensed me there. Her eyes widened. I flushed, my heart suddenly pounding from the unexpected jolt of adrenaline. Then Paige's eyes looked to my right. Now her and Alison were sharing an awkward glance. Sydney must have noticed what was going on. She gently touched Paige's shoulder and whispered something to her. Paige nodded and they all turned around to leave, Paige throwing one last, pained look in my direction.

When I turned around, Aria was looking at me, silently urging me to acknowledge the moment. Ali did instead.

"Well we sure know how to clear a room." She was trying to make a joke, but it wasn't that funny, and furthermore she seemed to know it wasn't funny as she said it. We didn't say anything more about the incident, but Ali's hand found mine and held it the rest of the night.


	3. Chapter 3

"I am sorry about the way things ended between you." Alison said, lying down on the bed. She has her head propped up on her hand as she stares at me. I'm sitting in the window seat. I was hoping to just have some time to collect my thoughts, but Alison hadn't fallen asleep like I thought she did.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" It was already hard enough to think about Paige. But when I was with Alison it was like trying to hear the music on a static-filled radio station. She jammed my thoughts, which was usually a welcome reprieve from my daily rat race. But right now, I just wanted it to be still.

"Okay." She said after a few beats, turning over to go to sleep. I looked back out the window. The moon was full and hanging so low, the light streaming through and illuminating my room. The moon had also shone brightly the first night Paige and I had made love, both of us bathed in silver.

"_It's like a dream." I whispered into her neck, curling against her naked body for the first time. It had been messy and awkward and tender. It was somehow richer than it had been with Maya. The way Paige had looked down at me, in complete awe, had nearly stopped my heart. I had never felt so loved. _

"_It IS a dream. It has always been my dream." Paige replied, taking a sharp breath afterwards. She kissed my forehead and stroked my hair. _

"_I just hope I don't have to wake up for once." She added, and I sensed the fear in her voice. I pulled away from her neck and looked at her._

"_It's our dream. And neither of us is waking up." Before she could hang her head, I lifted the bottom of her chin with my fingers, kissing her. Once she started kissing back, I deepened the kiss and she moaned at the unexpected shift. Soon I had pulled back the sheets on top of us, climbing on top of her. We broke the kiss and looked at each other, asking permission._

"_Girls are supposed to be able to go again, right?" She asked. She didn't wait for me to answer with words._

I shook my head, nearly tearing up before I got into bed.

* * *

Friday and Saturday led into a homework heavy Sunday afternoon. I wanted anything but to start another week of school and coaching on top of working at the Brew. Alison spent a fair amount of time distracting me from homework and visiting me at the Brew, loitering till I would fix her a latte or pay her enough attention to satisfy her.

Part of me had expected Paige to walk into the coffee shop every time the chime went off during my Saturday shift. My stomach would do flops in preparation, although I couldn't tell if they were butterflies or a stomachache. Last summer I hadn't even been sure if she had come home; if she had I never ran into her once. I knew she still talked to Caleb and Sydney, but I didn't ask about her. I figured asking about her wellbeing was beyond the scope of appropriate behavior after the way we broke up.

But now that I had seen her it was hard not to always be half expecting her. Sitting on my doorstep or stopping by the Brew. Or doing laps in the pool.

I walked into the pool area to meet up with Dana and the team Monday afternoon. I could hear it right away. Paige's distinct, husky voice as it echoed in the center. The team was sitting on the bleachers, listening intently while Paige talked to them.

"Truth is, many of the things that help me the most swimming at the university-level are things I learned here as a Rosewood Shark." Dana smiled on, but once she noticed me walking up her smile faltered a bit. I must have looked as confused as I felt, but I just took my post beside her while Paige continued to offer the team suggestions and insight. She trailed off a bit when she took note of my presence, but didn't steal another glance in my direction as she spoke.

"One thing you will want to start thinking about more is recovery outside of practice. Everything you are eating, the sleep you are getting is all crucial. Just one injury can instantly…derail your career." I turned bright red. She probably hadn't expected me to be there in time for her talk, but it was clear she was probably thinking about my shoulder. The one that had kept me from Stanford and a future in that room on Paige's computer screen so long ago.

"So no alcohol, definitely no drugs…and think twice about the pint of ice cream." She continued, making most of the girls laugh. She gave some more suggestions before wrapping up.

"Thanks Paige. I hope you won't mind sticking around for the rest of practice? Alright girls get in the pool and start some warmup laps!" Dana yelled, blowing her whistle for emphasis. I leaned in to her ear.

"Why didn't you tell me you invited Paige in as a special guest star?" I tried not to sound resentful. Dana rolled her eyes.

"Because I knew you would just get testy anyway, and I wasn't going to let your relationship drama weigh on you before practice." She said. She nodded over to where Paige sat and then she looked back at me, her eyes softening a bit.

"Just go talk to her. Life is too short." She offered. "I'll steer the practice." She added, walking away towards the pool. I turned and walked to Paige. She was in a tank top and shorts. She had always been lean but her muscles were even tighter and more pronounced now that she was training at college.

"Hey." I said. I couldn't even begin to know how this conversation should go. I sat next to her, keeping a foot of space between us.

"Emily. Hey." She did everything to avoid looking directly at me.

"So you're back for the summer?" I didn't ask how she was. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. The better part of me wanted her to be happy, but the selfish part wanted to know she still thought about me. That maybe Stanford wasn't this perfect paradise we had both looked forward to.

"Uh yeah. Coach…I guess I should say Dana…emailed me about coming to the summer camps to help motivate the girls, tell them a bit of what to expect if they want to move up to the college level…" She trailed off, watching the water.

"You are more than just regular college level. You are nearly at the top of the top district. And thankfully you are injury free so far." I added. She looked at me nervously, her back stiffening a bit. She must know it sounded like she was talking about me earlier, although I'm sure some of the hard-working team at Stanford had injuries.

"Yeah…sorry about that earlier. I wasn't referring to you exactly…injury is kind of my worst fear right now. Winning is one of the most important things I've got going." She stole a glance at me, her brown eyes searching mine for a beat before returning to the pool. It was a loaded comment, but she didn't appear to want to elaborate.

"It's fine. I wonder all the time how different things would have been if I didn't get hurt." Another loaded comment. This time we made eye contact at the same time and held each other's eyes.

_You, me, donuts, and diners. _

"So you're still coaching?" She asked, changing the unspoken subject. I shook my head a bit to try and clear it.

"Yeah, they kept me on. I love it though lately between coaching and school and work…it is just a lot." I finished lamely. We had possibly run out of polite, personal conversation for two exes to have.

"Plus you are in a relationship. With…Alison." The name rolled bitterly off her tongue. I wasn't sure how to proceed. It was like having to defuse a potential bomb.

"Yeah." I hung my head and dropped my voice. "Yeah we are still together." A myriad of emotions seemed to pass over Paige's face. She hung her head, silently scoffing before looking pained.

"You didn't have to leave the bar the other night." I hesitantly suggested, searching her face. Her jawline was even more pronounced thanks to her training. She grimaced a bit.

"I know." She said curtly, trying to end the conversation. But I couldn't let it rest. We should be able to be in the same bar together. It had been over a year.

"I mean we are here now in the same room. I've missed you Paige."

"This is hardly the same." She admitted quietly. "This is practically business, helping out swimmers and preparing them for college. It isn't the same as watching you two cozy up over a couple of drinks…" She finished. She wasn't as angry as she was pretending. If I knew Paige at all, she was more upset than angry.

I began to reply, but thought better of it. It was a free country. Paige could do whatever she wanted. I really had no room to demand her to be okay with Ali dating me now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks so much to everyone who has been taking time to review and express interest in the story! I don't want to show my hand prematurely, but regarding the presence of Emison scenes in this story I will say this: Emily is not an Emison fan either; she just hasn't fully realized it yet. **

**Exactly what Paige has been up to romantically since going away will be explored at a later part of the story. **

**Thanks again! **

* * *

_The DJ put on a slow song, and everybody stilled before moving to their partner for the evening. I couldn't help but glance over at Noel Kahn and Alison, sitting at a table and talking close in each other's ears. Whatever Alison was whispering to him had him nodding and smiling one of the first genuine smiles I had seen on the guy. What was she up to now? What's the name of this game?_

"_May I have this dance?" I looked up at Paige, grabbing her outstretched hand with a smirk. She led me to the dance floor, gently pulling me to her, arms around my waist. I wrapped my arms around her neck, so close I could smell her citrus perfume and the traces of chlorine that seemed to cling to her skin. We stood under a gym ceiling saturated with fake stars, catching light and turning the whole building into a night sky. Dancing under the stars was the theme. _

_In just a few months, Paige would be cross country and so far away from me. My heart ached for the inevitable loss. After all the other indignities I suffered in the past two years, losing Paige to distance and time might end up being the worst. She had been the only sane thing in my life. My anchor. Apparently she was thinking about it too, wondering which dance would be our last. _

"_I love you Em." She stated gently, voice hoarse. I nodded against her shoulder, trying not to cry. I relaxed into her arms, trying to let my hurt slip away for one night._

"_I love you so much Paige." I traced the back of her neck with my fingernails, feeling the tiny hairs there stand up at the unexpected contact. She held my waist tighter, closing her eyes. We drifted slowly in circles, willing time to just stay still with us in the moment. _

_But of course the song ended, and we broke apart. _

"_I'm starving but I might settle for some punch in the meantime. You want anything?" She asked. _

"_A drink would be nice." I replied. She touched my hand and kissed me slowly before walking away._

I couldn't have known it then, but that was the last time Paige would ever kiss me.

* * *

"EMILY!" Hanna shouted, barreling into me and nearly knocking me over. When she uncoiled herself from my torso I just smiled. Even though we had a tough time staying in touch during the year, Hanna had been the most understanding of Ali and I, and my decision to stay in Rosewood and go to Hollis instead of trying to apply late for Danby.

After she pulled away, Spencer gave me a friendly, less vice-like hug. She looked vibrant. After her misstep of Radley and not getting into UPenn, she started at Hollis before quickly transitioning to Princeton.

We all sat down and I reached for Alison's leg under the table, tracing patterns up and down her thigh. It was always slightly tense, the five of us meeting up, especially with Spencer and Alison.

"I have something to tell you all." Aria said, starting the conversation. "I finally got the go ahead from my academic advisor…I'm going to study abroad in England this fall!" We all let out shocked, excited gasps.

"What?! You didn't tell me anything about this. The whole semester?" I sputtered.

"Yes the whole semester! I didn't want to jinx it by saying it out loud before." Aria replied. My stomach dropped as Spencer and Hanna congratulated her and Spencer started to badger her with questions about the program. Now Aria was moving on too. Part of me was happy for her, but the other part was jealous and somehow soured by the news. I couldn't help but compare where I was to where all my friends were, and it felt like I was falling behind in a race.

After the conversation lulled naturally, but before we could start another topic, Alison nudged me with her shoulder, nodding her head towards a couple of college boys at the bar. They were clearly checking us out.

"Seems like we still got it with the boys." She said to the group, smiling a bit. I just looked down, not really wanting to encourage her when she got like this. Alison was still a flirt, especially when she thought she might get a drink out of it. Of course, she would argue that it was just to get a free drink.

"I guess so…" Hanna said nervously, trying to put an end to it. I held Alison's hand tighter but she was already slipping away.

"Toby would hate if I took drinks from someone else at the bar." Spencer said, staring pointedly at Alison. She broke away from me and stood up.

"Relax. It's just free drinks. Emily understands." She said, smiling and walking up to the guys who smiled like alligators when she approached, her short dress not leaving much to the imagination. The same one I would probably be taking off her later. But the boys wouldn't know the difference.

"That's awful. I don't understand why you are still under her spell..." Spencer stated, her judgmental gaze making me feel humid and uncomfortable. I knew Spencer had been waiting to start this up again.

"Drop it Spencer. Like she said it's just a little fun and a free drink." I wouldn't let her know how much it hurt when Ali did this, because I couldn't give them even an inch of complaint about Alison. They were constantly waiting for confirmation that she was a terrible person, and our relationship was toxic.

"It's obvious why Em is still under her spell and we aren't…what Ali is selling we aren't buying…" Hanna said flippantly, watching Alison sway back and forth in front of the guys.

"Hanna!" Aria exclaimed.

"What? It's true!" Hanna said, sipping her drink.

Pretty soon there were shots for all of us, and two boisterous frat brothers sitting with us.

Ali touched my leg under the table, but I purposely inched away from her. She turned to me, looking puzzled by my behavior. I would usually let this sort of thing slide, but now our friends were here and I felt embarrassed. Once we took the shots, I went up and ordered another drink. I was supposed to drive home but I'd call a cab. It seemed like a good night to drink more than I usually would, especially since I didn't start work till the late afternoon tomorrow.

* * *

Later on, I excused myself from the table and walked out on the patio hoping the fresh air would help me sober up a little. The doors separating the indoor and outdoor seating were open, and I could still see the group inside from where I was standing. The night air was warm and there was a light breeze. By all standards it was a perfect summer evening. From my peripheral, I noticed a dark figure approaching me. I glanced up and was relieved and surprised to see Paige standing in front of me.

"This seems to keep happening." She stated, smiling a little bit. We hadn't talked after our conversation ended on a bad note by the pool, but a few days seemed to ease the tension from that day. She was so beautiful, in a black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to expose her toned, tanned forearms. She must get to the beach a lot, like she talked about doing back in high school when she would dream about California.

"Paige! What are you doing here?" I could smell the vodka and peppermint on my breath from my previous drinks, and was embarrassed I was so drunk and Paige was so sober.

"Meeting up with someone." She glanced inside and must have seen the table we were at. Probably saw Alison sitting there with the other girls, having dismissed the frat brothers after she noticed it was bothering me. Paige would have never done something like that in the first place, I thought to myself. "I didn't realize you guys were in here. We…I'm out on the patio." She added, nervously glancing towards the patio seating area. I wondered who she was meeting up with.

"You guys look pretty buzzed…who's driving?" She asked.

"I'm the designated driver extraordinaire." I hiccupped.

"Emily. Are you kidding me right now?" Paige asked, beside herself.

"Not one bit." I said, shaking my head and smiling. "But I was going to just catch a cab."

"Well okay. That isn't necessary …I can give you guys a ride home. That way I'll know you made it safe." She said. As she did, she lifted her hand to touch my arm and reassure me. She recoiled after realizing what she was about to do, dropping the offending arm down. My breath caught in my throat for a second. The incomplete gesture made me realize how close we were standing.

Alison was a master at making me jealous, but she usually couldn't be made jealous herself. But Paige and I's history had always gotten under her skin. I bet if she glanced over and noticed me talking to Paige, it would drive her crazy. Let alone if Paige gave us a ride home.

"That's okay. I don't want to impose or break up your night prematurely." I offered, glancing up at her from under my eyelashes. She stepped forward even closer. I felt dizzy, being tipsy and so close to Paige again. I could still smell her fresh, citrus perfume. Somehow her scent made me nostalgic after all this time. It drove me crazy for months after she left, smelling the perfume on strangers when out at a restaurant or shopping. It had made me long for something I had lost.

"I'm sorry I got upset at the pool. I mean…it's been two years. It's history. You ended up being right anyway. Alison was one of the good guys." Her eyebrows were slightly arched; her eyes were closed as she spoke.

"You have nothing to apologize for Paige. You never have." My voice was heavy with a heady mixture of wanting and pain. After all this time, Paige was still conditioned to always take it out on herself. She hung her head, nodding.

"It's nice of you to say that. I better get back to my table. Have a good evening. Please let me know when…well just make sure you guys get home safe." She said, turning on her heel to walk away. I almost let her.

"Paige." I said softly. She turned around and waited. "Can we get together soon? Maybe at that karaoke bar outside of town? I want…" I trailed off, not really sure to finish that statement. Her face broke into a grin, the wide one I always loved seeing on her face.

"That sounds great. I'd like that very much." She replied. I smiled too. Her happiness was infectious.

"Great. I'll call you."

"Great." She said again. Someone touched my shoulder and I winced before realizing it was probably one of my friends.

"Hey what are you doing out here? Ready to go yet?" Spencer asked, nudging my shoulder. She glanced up and saw Paige.

"Oh! Hey Paige." She said, nodding at her.

"Hey Spencer. Have a good evening. Get home safe." Paige said before finally walking back to her table. She was sitting with some brunette I didn't recognize. I frowned a bit.

"I see…" Spencer said, smiling even wider. I pinched her side and she yelped.

"Can it. We ran into each other a couple times this summer. No biggie." I offered, but I could already tell Spencer was trying to analyze my expression for clues.

"If you say so…she looks really good. California must be treating her well. Let's go." She pulled me towards the exit.

"Who do you think that was she was with?" I asked suddenly.

"How would I know? Maybe a friend from college who happens to live in this area…or a cousin?"

"Yeah…maybe." I shrugged and followed her to the taxi.

* * *

When we got back home, Alison and I creeped quietly through the house till we got to my bedroom. I shut the bedroom door, and Alison was on me in seconds, pressing me against the door.

"It turns me on to see you jealous." She whispered, kissing my neck and slipping a hand under my shirt. My abs clenched deliciously under her feather light touch. Alison was always teasing, even in the bedroom. Her touch was waking up a desire in me. I hated that she could make me feel so good by first making me feel so low.

"I don't like when you do stuff like that." I said, pulling back so I looked her right in the eyes as I said it. Her expression lost its playful gleam, transitioning to a look of sincerity.

"Then punish me." She whispered, her voice dripping with suggestion. I moved forward, pushing her to the bed.

"I'm serious Alison." I said, even as I was kissing her and giving in.

"I am too." She replied.

"I ran into Paige on the patio." I breathed. Now Alison pulled back.

"Oh. And? Did she turn on her heel again?" She asked, smirking a little bit. If I knew her as well as I sometimes thought I did, this would bother her.

"No we walked. We are going to try and meet up sometime this week. Catch up on things." I casually mentioned. For once, I wanted Alison to feel how she always made me feel.

"Oh. That's good I guess." She murmured, trying to kiss me again. I pulled back.

"Not tonight, okay? I think I just need some water and sleep…I don't feel so good." I stated. It was partially true; I really should go to sleep soon so work wouldn't be agony tomorrow.

"Okay." Alison looked a bit hurt, and I instantly felt a little bad. I should feel bad. I was trying to crack her hard shell and I had succeeded, hurting her in the process. But really, it had been years. I should be able to hang out with Paige and not be made to feel bad about it.

We crawled into bed without say much more, and I feel into a restless sleep after staring up at the ceiling for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't believe we're doing this." I said, drunk with lust as I touched Paige for the first time since senior prom.

Paige moved, grinding hard against me. I groaned and urged her on. She was relentless, teeth and tongue covering my neck and throat, leaving bite marks I couldn't possibly begin to explain to Alison.

"I never got enough of you back then." She whispered in my ear before playfully biting down on my ear lobe.

"Fuck…take me Paige. I need you inside." I couldn't really tell if I had spoken out loud or not, but soon she was pushing my ruined panties to the side to press inside me. She gasped at her reception, starting a deliberate, controlled rhythm.

"Fuck Em. You're so wet. I missed you too." She pushed another finger in me, and I clenched and released around her, unable to control myself. As soon as we had ended up here, she started to drift away from me, her image seeming to melt away.

* * *

I woke up tangled in my sheets, slick with sweat. Alison was at the desk, reading something on her laptop. She glanced up when she noticed me stirring. Here I was with the girl I had wanted for all those years, but I was still fantasizing about my ex-girlfriend. I hadn't had a sex dream of Paige since high school, but that one had left me wet and wanting.

"Good morning." Alison said. "Want some coffee? Breakfast?" She continued.

"Ali…I'll go make myself something after showering, thanks." I walked out to the hall, barely able to look her in the eyes. I felt flushed and guilty, like I really had cheated on her. I hopped into the shower, briefly entertaining the notion of just running it cold, flushing the carnal thoughts out of my head. Instead, I let the warm water flow over my skin as I let my hands roam, thinking about Paige again.

Alison and Paige were so different at everything…including sex. Alison was more a femme, a bottom. Ali counted on me wanting to worship her. It didn't always leave much leftover for when she would touch me. With Paige…I was the one getting worshipped. Well…it was more equal in terms of attention. Paige was so gentle, me being her first. But it had always driven me wild knowing Paige could sometimes get rough with me, once she had the basics down. In fact, I would never forget the time we snuck back into the locker room after practice…

I battled the urge to touch myself by focusing on my feeling for Alison. Alison had been with me as we finally stopped A. Despite how the others felt about her tactics, she always had our best interest in mind with her plan. Even if she could have simplified the process by just telling us what she knew to begin with. She was in love with me…right? A thought pulled itself forward from my subconscious before I could even stop it: things with Alison aren't working. I wouldn't have had that dream if things were working. I sighed and turned the faucet so the water would turn cold the rest of the time, trying to freeze out my terrible thoughts.

* * *

"Sex dreams don't always mean you want to have sex with someone. They usually mean you need to resolve something with them. And that couldn't be truer with you and Paige." Hanna said, dismissing my confession.

"Yeah I guess so." I said, not really sure if that was all there was to it. We had met up for coffee after my shift finished at the Brew. Hanna was a great customer since she was willing to try any latte concoction I was experimenting with at that given moment. Not that I wanted to keep perusing being a barista, but it was fun work at times.

"Em…how are things with Alison? And don't just get defensive. I won't jump down your throat like Spencer or even Aria." She said, sipping her drink. I smiled. Hanna could be glib, but she was a little more sensitive when it came to this stuff.

"I don't know. I just feel like…she doesn't want to move forward. And like she still gets a kick out of flirting with guys whether or not I'm around, like we are back in high school and it is all unrequited." I sighed, taking a sip of my coffee just to have something to do while I let my grievances hang in the air. Hanna was spinning her to-go cup in small circles while she thought, her brow furrowed.

"Yeah…that was the vibe I was getting." She paused before continuing. "Listen. You are a catch. And we are young. Don't forget that." She took a drink while I pondered her implications.

"I can't help but wonder if things could have turned out differently, or life just pushes you a certain direction no matter what" I murmured.

"What do you mean?" Hanna asked, looking puzzled.

"I just…I wonder how different my life could have been. Without A…without my shoulder injury…" I said, trying to imagine it. I would probably have still been with Paige.

"You mean if you had gone to Stanford or even Danby?" Hanna finished, nodding at me to continue.

"Yeah…but then I wouldn't have coaching or the Brew. I do like parts of my life here a lot. But I also just feel stuck." I glanced down, suddenly interested in the table. I felt like a failure, admitting college and things with Alison weren't what I wanted them to be. Hanna touched my hand.

"Em…just relax. We are in college. This is time for figuring it out…not already having it figured it out." She smiled, trying to reassure me.

"You are incredibly insightful. No wonder you ended up in Ivy League." She nodded, and then her face broke out into a big smile.

"Thanks! But actually I need some love advice as well…"

"Seriously? What's up?" Caleb and Hanna's relationship had been going smoothly since beginning college. I can't imagine they would be having trouble.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out!" Hanna leaned in close, conspiratorially. "Caleb's been acting weird lately. Shifty." She elaborated. I shook my head.

"That doesn't really mean anything. Maybe he's just stressed, trying to run his phone repair service or whatever he is doing for money." I responded. Caleb was attending class, but still earning money the same old way he did in high school.

"Maybe that's it. But I'm telling you something is up. I can sense it." She seemed certain of herself.

"Have you tried just talking to him? It couldn't hurt to ask." I knew being direct and honest weren't exactly hallmarks of any of our relationships, but it was worth suggesting.

"Like it is ever that easy..."

* * *

"So I'm going to meet up with Paige tonight…" I studied Alison, trying to pick up on her mood. She had on her patent poker face, but her icy mannerisms were saying it all.

"Oh yeah. I'm actually going out too. Those guys from the bar the other days are going to some house party." I felt like I had been punched in the gut, a flushed, panicked feeling spreading through my body.

"What? The frat guys from the bar?" I tried to sound normal, but my throat was dry and my tongue seemed to stick to the roof of my mouth while I tried to articulate the words. Alison was trimming her nails, using the activity to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah they were cool."

"Is that really…I mean they clearly…" I tried to think of a way of accusing them of wanting to get in her pants. But I knew Alison. If I did that…it would give her an opening to imply the same about Paige. Joke was on her for that false assumption. Paige didn't seem to care less about seeing me anymore. She was probably agreeing to this out of pity.

"They know we are dating. I told them. They are cool with it." She said nonchalantly. That is what killed me. That she acted like that was the end of it.

"Sure they are. Of course they are. What frat guys don't love some hot girls dating and willing to flirt?" I scoffed. I regretted it as soon as I said it, realizing instantly I had tip-toed over an invisible line. Alison stopped filing her nails and looked up at me, her blue eyes stormy and angry.

"I'm not up to anything. Just remember that while you get her out of your system." With that she grabbed her purse and slammed the door, knowing my parents weren't home so they wouldn't get concerned by the sound of the door.

Anger and guilt coursed through me in equal measure. I felt like my blood was soaked with a toxic poison I was so upset. I tried to shake it off while I got ready to see Paige.

* * *

When I walked into the bar, I saw Paige had snagged the same booth we sat in the first time we came here. Back then she was nervous and shifty, playing with her drink to occupy her energy. Now she looked confident, calm. She leaned back against the booth, staring out at the rest of the bar. I felt an unexpected rush of butterflies. The whole time I was driving here, after I cooled down after my fight with Alison, I was more excited than I should be to see an old friend.

"I see our booth was free." I said as I took a seat. She smiled at me, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"Yeah…I figured it would poetic." She admitted. "Can I get you something to drink?" She added, gesturing towards the bar. Why not? A drink might calm my nerves.

"That would be great. Rum and coke?" Paige nodded and went towards the bar, coming back with two.

"Thanks for meeting me. And the drink." I said, taking a sip.

"Of course. I mean I would probably run into you again anyway, at the rate we are going." Paige added. She still seemed confident, but she seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me. Maybe she was nervous too?

"So how have you been? How's California and Stanford?" I asked.

"It's good. Great actually. I'm not sure where to start…swimming is demanding but I love it. I have to tell you most of the time I'm exhausted though…it makes going to Ivy League level classes pretty difficult." She was starting to open up to me again. I couldn't begin to imagine how tired she must always be.

"Doesn't leave much time for a social life, huh?" Or to return phone calls or texts…though I realized that was probably her way of dealing with me dating Alison. Besides, I gave up on trying to contact her early in our freshman year. She smiled a secretive sort of grin. Like she had an inside joke she wasn't sharing.

"I wouldn't necessarily say that…I mean a social life is so much more engaging than say…" We both said math class at the same time. Paige rolled her eyes at me.

"Still finishing my sentences?" She asked, grinning.

"Well I guess I still know some things about you." I said, pretending to be smug.

"You've always known me best." She said. For a moment the air around us seemed to still. It was another loaded comment, and her smile dropped a bit before picking back up. She looked down at the table.

"Um…so how's Hollis? Seems like you have a lot on your plate outside of class." I realized she was trying to avoid asking directly about Alison.

"It's good. I wish I was living on campus or even in an apartment…right now it just feels like this weird extension of high school." I explained. I wanted to tell her about feeling like a big fish in a shrinking bowl…how I felt I would burst out my room any second. How Alison made me feel more constrained sometimes, even while our relationship (especially the physical side), distracted me from the anxious feelings.

"Why don't you move out? I'm sure between coaching and working at the Brew you could make it work…you would get to decorate however you wanted." She said. I felt the pressure building under my skin, to explain it was Alison who didn't want to move forward, and that she relied on me and my family for protection and security. Instead:

"I guess that's a good point. No puffy drapes if I got to decorate myself..." She grinned at the reference and nodded.

"Exactly. Drapes however…beds wherever." I laughed even though the comment made me blush a bit too.

* * *

Another drink and much more conversation later, we began to get up. But I didn't want the night to be over. It felt great to be around Paige again. To know that she really was doing well now that she had definitively escaped Rosewood.

"Hey…do you want to maybe go by the lake house? I mean it is still early and I bet the view would be beautiful tonight." Paige smiled that knowing smirk again at my invitation.

"Sure…stargazing. I actually rode my bike though. Can you give me a lift?" She nodded towards her mode of transportation.

"Yeah no problem." I felt giddy while we drove, and once we got there we walked down the familiar, small wooden pier of her aunt's lake house. The sky was clear and the air was still warm, the moon and stars illuminating us and the woods. We sat on wooden crates, nearly touching and just looking up at the stars.

"It's beautiful." Paige said quietly, staring up at the sky and the stars. She looked just as unattainable and beautiful as the night sky. I hated thinking it, but I was still frustrated with Ali who I hadn't heard from all night. I had sent her a few texts asking how the party was and if everything was okay, but she was probably still upset.

Paige turned to me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I haven't exactly been truthful with you." She stated. Her voice was hesitant and hoarse. A million thoughts seemed to fizz against one another in my mind.

"Truthful about what?" I asked.

"How great Stanford is…it's not everything I wanted. I mean…I love it but it isn't perfect." She explained, making more eye contact. Her brown eyes looked so sad, so vulnerable.

"Nothing's perfect." I quipped, but she shook her head.

"True nothing's perfect…but it feels like the accomplishments are empty." She closed her eyes while she talked to me, apparently pained by what she was saying." I used to think that swimming, that winning was all that mattered to me. That I would go to Stanford and win meets and meet someone and everything would be fine." Oh.

"And?" I asked, my heart beating a little faster.

"I realized that what really mattered to me was being with you. Because without you next to me, those things didn't mean nearly as much." Paige reached out and touched my hand gently. After a beat she looked down at our hands, sighed sadly, and pulled hers away, murmuring an apology.

"You don't have to apologize…I…it was instinct. Habit. I'm sorry things haven't been working out quite yet. Just give it more time." I said. I almost convinced myself.

"That's what I keep telling myself. And it isn't all bad." She looked lost in thought for a moment, her eyes still sad. Then she shook her head and spoke again. "Listen why don't we go for a swim?" She asked, nodding out towards the water in front of us. It looked like dark glass, reflecting the moonlight in little silver glimmers.

"We don't have swimsuits though." I blushed. Was she wanting to skinny dip? I definitely wouldn't trust myself with that after my dream…though I was curious about what the rigors of division one swimming had done to Paige's already sculpted body.

"We have the clothes we are wearing." She said, taking off her shoes and socks.

"You can't be serious." But I saw she was serious as she shrugged in an exaggerated, suit yourself sort of gesture and jumped in the water, splashing me a bit.

I hadn't been swimming since high school. Occasionally I would tread water before or after practice, trying to make sure I didn't lose all touch with swimming. And I ran to keep up my health. But I generally tried not to test my shoulder too much, especially since I was never going to compete again.

"It's nice I'm telling you!" Paige said, treading to keep herself afloat. I rolled my eyes and took off my flats. Instead of jumping I went around to the shore, slowly walking in to get acclimated. Paige swam over.

"Have you been swimming at all?" She asked. I explained about my hesitance to test my shoulder without reason and she nodded.

"Don't strain yourself. We are just having fun." She was so serious, but I could tell she loved being in the water. It was amazing to think there was a time Paige doubted wanting to swim at all. We doggy paddled and threaded the water, talking more about Paige's teammates and how I thought the Sharks were going to do this season.

Suddenly my left calf seized up, a brilliant burst of pain sucking the air out of my lungs.

"Shit! Leg cramp." I hissed, starting to flail my arms around which aggravated my bad shoulder. I grimaced, the pain a tight clenching throughout my calf muscle.

"Hold on I got you." Paige swam over, scooping me up with her strong arms and pushing me to the shore. She laid me down on the sand, leaning over and massaging my calf. At first it felt tighter; her hand on the seized up muscle, but soon her touch began to relax it.

"Thanks…that is helping." I was barely able to talk, my eyes closed as I thanked my lucky stars the pain had finally stopped. Paige's massage was dwindling, turning into more of a caress up and down the outside of my leg. Her breathing grew a little ragged. I opened my eyes and realized what kind of position we were in. Paige's dripping wet body was flush on top of mine, her arm reaching down to touch my leg. Her eyes met mine and she took her hand off my leg.

"There." She said, not getting up. Instead she lifted herself up so we were looking in each other's eyes, having a silent conversation. I knew we should pull away and Paige started to.

I grabbed the back of her neck and stopped her from getting up. I wasn't strong enough to actually pull her down on me, so instead I lifted my head up and we met in the middle. The second our lips touched Paige groaned against mine. She kissed me with a series of small, close-mouthed pecks before deepening the kiss. I moaned, meeting her tongue with mine, my hand now gripping her hair to keep her tight against me.

It was intoxicating. Whether it was because it had been so long or we had reconnected so well. Or because it was wrong…I was cheating on Alison. Paige whimpered, trying to touch as much of me as possible in these few, precious moments, her hands frantically running up and down my sides to squeeze my hips and caress my arms.

Then she pulled away. Her brown eyes were dark with lust, her expression clouded as she glanced from my eyes to my lips and back. She shook her head, pushing herself up.

"No. No. Nope. No. Not this. Not again." She muttered, grabbing her shoes and socks to put back on.

"Paige…I'm sorry I…" She shook her head, her eyes wet with tears she was trying not to cry.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one that kissed the girl with the girlfriend. The same girl that left me for that girlfriend. I'm sorry to be such a fool." Her voice was raspy, defeated.

"You aren't a fool…Paige wait…" I got up and reached out limply to touch her. She pulled back, wincing.

"Just…do me a favor and pop the trunk so I can get my bike out." I realized there was no reasoning with her right now. The warm vulnerability was gone, replaced with steely resolve. I couldn't believe how much it paralleled Alison's iciness from earlier. I hit the button, and Paige grabbed her bike. She looked up at me before getting on.

"I'm sorry Em." She said, pulling away before I could respond. I sat there for a few moments, trying to comprehend all that had just happened. My heart was heavy as I finally pulled myself into my car. Then my phone buzzed in the cup holder I had sat it in.

Alison: Em…I'm sorry for earlier. Things were lame at the party. I'm on my way home now. I love you.

I shook my head as I started to cry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Note: Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. I sincerely appreciate them. I know you guys have expressed some legit concerns about Paige's behavior. Please have patience with me. I can't promise I have an amazing storyline (I'll be content with mediocre), but I can promise I have an explanation. But since this is the "all Em, all the time" 1****st**** person perspective, we won't find out what's going on till Emily does.**

**The way Paige reacted to the comment about having a social life was a hint.**

* * *

I finally stopped crying and being too torn up to drive after what seemed like hours but had only actually been twenty minutes. I started my car and began the drive home, trying to figure out how on earth to tell Alison what had happened. Even after her surprisingly sweet, apologetic text, I couldn't just keep the truth from her. I couldn't not tell her what I had done. What I had silently asked Paige to do.

Paige had never been as jealous of Alison as Alison had been of her. And still was. Paige had a shockingly high sense of security when it came to our relationship, even when I gave her all the reason in the world to distrust me. Alison would get irritated at the very mention of Paige. She was smart…she never talked down about her or uttered that awful nickname she gave her. But I could tell however much she tried to hide it; she would always consider Paige a threat.

I got home and snuck up the stairs. I walked into my room and there Alison was, just staring out the window. She turned around and just looked at me, up and down. I wondered if she would be able to smell Paige's scent on me.

"Alison…" I started; both hesitant and hopeful that just getting it off my chest might make some of the guilt go away.

"Em…I'm so sorry about the way I acted earlier." She walked up and kissed me so gently on the lips. "It was stupid to not see how insensitive I was being." She kissed me again, slipping my purse off my shoulder while grabbing me around the hip. Still gentle as if she would or could break me.

"Alison I did something…" But she was already pushing me towards the bed, shaking her head. Then she looked up in my eyes, a ghost of a smile dancing across her lips. A Cheshire cat grin.

"Let's forget about it." She said. I forgot my desire to tell her that night. But I didn't forget how Paige's touch felt. It woke up something instinctual in me. Alison was fire and ice, extremes that burned and melted. But Paige was not an extreme. She was quirky and sometimes cheesy, but she didn't come with a warning label or edges that cut and sliced.

Alison wasn't sharp now. She was soft and curves, having put away the verbal daggers she kept sleeved up and waited for opportunities to use. She straddled my lap and thoughts of anything else melted away as my hips bucked, almost against my will. Alison's hold on me was incredible. Her long blonde hair tickled my face as she kissed me, working her way down.

* * *

_Once Paige had excused herself for the punch bowl, Noel slinked up to where I was sitting. Spencer, Aria, and Hanna were all dancing with their respective boyfriends so I was alone._

"_Emily you look beautiful." Noel said, trying to not sound like a slime ball for once, which I did appreciate._

"_What do you possibly want Noel?" I asked, afraid he would confront me for snooping in his things to try and get information about Alison. _

"_Alison is in Fitz's classroom and she needs to talk to you." I rolled my eyes at him._

"_That's rich. No thanks." I fired back. I looked away from him, hoping to dismiss him with my body language. It didn't work; he just kneeled in front of me to make me look him in the eyes. He actually looked sincere._

"_Emily please. She has proof." _

"_Of what?"_

"_That she isn't A. That she really has been looking out for you guys. That she…" He trailed off, stopping his thought midsentence. My heart sped up. Even though I have every reason to hate Alison, she was my first love. I could never hate her. That was part of the problem. "I better let her tell you that last part. But please…she wants you because you will give it a chance." _

"_Okay." I said, getting up. I glanced around but there was a crowd swarming the punch bowl, so I didn't see Paige. I went down the hallways and saw Alison waiting in the classroom. She was breathtaking in her dress for prom, and I wouldn't be shocked if her and Noel won king and queen despite all they had done to torment people at our school._

"_Emily." She whispered. Her demeanor was serious. I folded my arms over my chest._

"_Noel said you have some kind of proof. Make it quick." Alison handed me a series of black and white pictures. There was no mistaking it, it was A…and the pictures must be security camera footage from a gas station or something. The familiar black hoodie is the giveaway. After a couple shots, someone else walks up to A, and they take the mask off…I gasp and drop the pictures._

"_Ali…are you sure?" She nods. _

"_Positive. In fact I always suspected…but think about it. It all makes sense." She said. I was nearly hyperventilating, and hoping she wouldn't unload too much information on me at once. My knees buckled and I held onto Fitz's desk for support. _

"_Why didn't you tell us? It was almost like you were protecting them…that's why we thought it was you." I pleaded. She started tearing up and my heart ached for how we froze her out. She had been sincere. _

"_I couldn't. A wouldn't let me. Em…" She paused and hesitantly touched my hand. "I love you." My stomach lurched with a heat, a carnal desire I couldn't deny. _

"_Ali…" I turned my hand so our fingers could intertwine. _

"_You finally called me Ali again…" She said before we kissed. It was like fireworks in my chest. I remember reading some magazine where Johnny Depp said if you fell in love with two people, choose the second person. You wouldn't have fallen for the second if you still loved the first._

_The problem was, at this point, I'm not sure who was second and who was first. Alison was my first unrequited love, and then Paige was my love after Maya. But Paige was real, requited, equal love. I never worried Paige would go behind my back. I never worried she wouldn't tell me the truth. Unconditional love. Then Alison came back and things shifted and slide and imploded under their heavy weight and confusion. _

_But I felt something when Ali kissed me then. I would live to regret this moment, but that something kept me with my mysterious, ice queen. Always waiting for her to melt for me. _

_We pulled apart, and I slowly opened my eyes. Paige. Ali took a moment to open hers. Paige was standing there, by the door but I could tell she had seen it all. _

_She didn't look shocked. Just…resolved. Like something had bothered her, but she had always half expected it to turn out that way anyway. Like she was a picky eater used to restaurants serving her incorrectly, and she had just seen a dish that had come out the wrong way yet again. Cynical and yet oddly smug about being right about something you really didn't want to be right about._

"_Paige…" It took me a second to realize Alison had spoken. And her tone seemed apologetic, for what it was worth. _

_Paige just nodded one curt, vicious nod before turning on her heel and walking away. Alison looked down, knowing she couldn't do anything for us right now. _

_I took off after Paige, shuffling down the hall. _

"_Paige please…I'm so sorry…I can explain baby please." I wasn't sure why I said baby. We never called each other pet names but I was desperate. She stopped walking for a moment, her shoulders sagging down towards the floor. She wouldn't look up at me._

"_No Emily. Nope. Not this. Not again." She refused to talk to me anymore or even look at me. I tried to stop her from walking, putting out my arm to halt her. She pushed it away and kept walking, shaking her head in disgust. _

* * *

The next morning when I woke up my mind was blissfully blank for a moment. Till the reality of what happened yesterday crashed over me. I frowned, untangling myself from Alison to get up. We had physically reconciled, but other than cuddling afterwards I didn't feel anything to suggest we had overcome our issues emotionally. My moving stirred her and she slowly opened her eyes and looked at me, smiling.

"Good morning beautiful."

"Alison. Last night…" I started, not sure what I was actually going to say.

"Was good. It always is." She smiled, reaching out to push some hair back from my face. "Come here." She whispered, pulling me to her. I tried to relax in her embrace.

"Em?" She asked.

"Yeah?" I responded, not looking up at her. I was looking at one of my Rosewood Sharks flyers on my memo board.

"Let's start looking at apartments." I nearly fell off the bed, startled with disbelief. I looked up at her, and she was already smirking, one side of her mouth pulled up.

"Seriously?" She just nodded, kissing my forehead.

"Why now?" I asked, nervously swallowing as I spoke.

"Because…" She trailed off, pulling away from me only to grab both my hands with hers and roll her body flush on top of mine, pining me down under her. Her blonde hair fell down around her face, nearly tickling mine. It reminded me of the time she pulled me from the barn. I hadn't been sure if she was an angel, devil, or just a dream. I still wasn't sure.

"Because you deserve to get what you want. And we could decorate it with a Paris theme." I rolled my eyes, but started to smile. Alison's words warmed and bloomed in my stomach. Maybe this could work after all. Maybe what happened with Paige was just a fluke with someone I used to love and now had an overwhelming fondness for. I did something wrong and I was being rewarded.

"Is that okay?" She asked, and I just nodded, nervous and guilty. Waves of happiness fought waves of guilt and anxiety. I should talk to the others about what was going on. I pulled away from Alison and grabbed my phone. No texts from Paige.

I sent out one of the first group text messages to the group I had sent in years.

Me: Need to meet up ASAP to talk. Can you guys stop by the Brew later?

They all affirmed and I took off, claiming to Alison I just wanted to study for a bit at the Brew.

* * *

Spencer stormed in first, unceremoniously dropping her bag on the table.

"What'd she do to you?" She demanded. I was confused by her aggressive body posture, her arms folding over her chest.

"Hello to you Spencer." I answered, looking away from her. She sighed and sat.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. What's going on?" She asked, gentler.

"Aria and Hanna aren't even here yet." I said weakly. I didn't want to have to keep repeating something I felt so guilty about. And I figured if I told all three of them at once, I could get a group consensus on a reasonable course of action. Aria came in a few minutes later and sat.

"Of course Hanna is running the latest." She said, smiling.

"Well okay. One thing is that Ali…she said she wants us to finally get an apartment."

"Wow! I thought she'd never budge on that." Aria said.

"Is that really what you want though?" Spencer asked. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Spencer knock it off. I get it, you guys don't like her. You haven't fully forgiven her. But she's my girlfriend." I said harshly. Aria and Spencer both looked surprised at my outburst. And yet they didn't even know the real reason I called them over was to tell them Paige and I had kissed.

"Fine. I'm sorry Emily. I just want to make sure you are happy. You deserve to be happy. Not settling because…" Spencer trailed off, not wanting to complete her sentence. Aria did instead.

"Because of a sense of obligation. Because you feel bad about what happened to her and she was your first love." I opened my mouth to respond but just then Tim came over and set our drinks down. I thanked him quietly.

"You really feel that way too?" I asked, looking at Aria. If she also really felt I didn't love Alison…

Before we could talk more, the front door chimed, and Hanna came in. She looked dazed and disoriented, shambling like she was auditioning for a zombie movie.

"Hanna! Are you okay?" Aria said, getting up to touch Hanna's arm and guide her over. Then Aria looked down and gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Uh yeah…better than okay. Caleb proposed to me this morning." As she said it, her dumbstruck expression finally melted into an elated smile.

"Oh my God Hanna! That ring is gorgeous. I could buy Toby a MUCH nicer truck for that thing." Spencer said, getting up and hugging her. I jumped up as well, hugging her so we formed a little huddle in the coffee shop. She had a traditional, silver band with a modest but shiny diamond set in the middle.

"How'd he do it?" Aria asked as we all sat down.

"He insisted we go up to Toby's cabin and that he had a surprise for me. He had it totally decked out, roses everywhere and a brunch that he ordered us. Mimosas. I kept thinking he was pulling away from me, but he must have been busy planning. Then we…you know…"

"Hanna we get that. Please don't elaborate." Spencer chirped sarcastically, but she was smiling.

"I'm fricken engaged!" Hanna nearly squealed, smiling and looking at her hand and ring.

"And I want you all to be in my wedding party." She said, smiling at each of us.

"Of course! It would be an honor." I replied. Spencer and Aria nodded as well. After that Hanna put in an order at the counter and sat back down.

"So what did you want to talk about Em?" Hanna asked, looking at me and giving me her full attention. I frowned a bit, unsure if I wanted to change the mood so drastically.

"Doesn't seem that important now. Alison wants to finally get an apartment together. That's all." I decided it was best to not bring up Paige. It was a mistake, an instinct that we hadn't gotten rid of. Even if kissing her made my heart beat faster, my skin flush.

"Oh…well that's great. I know you wanted to move out of your parent's house." Hanna responded, trying to be supportive.

"Yeah exactly. I still feel like I'm in high school half the time." Especially when I'm kissing my high school sweetheart out at the lake…

I shook my head, trying to clear my confused thoughts and just support Hanna. I would have to deal with everything else later.

* * *

After getting back from meeting everyone, I threw my stuff down and changed into my running clothes. Maybe I should consider training for a race. I had gotten a little lax; figuring since I didn't have meets to train for I could go easy.

I started a slow trot down the street, picking up my pace a bit once I got to the woods. The hot summer sun streamed through various trees, casting bright beams of light on various parts of the shadowy path. I half expected to see Paige any moment, but I didn't

Running helped my brain wander. I thought about Hanna and Caleb getting engaged, and felt the same pang of anxiety I had felt when Aria told us about traveling abroad. Like everyone was moving past me, and I was stuck in a nightmare where I was moving in slow motion. I would have to look up races to participate in when I got home, that would be a start to getting things back in order. That and apartment hunting. With Alison.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Holy shit THANKS for the reviews, follows, and favorites! Your words and encouragement are incredibly kind and considerate. I won't always be this quick with updates but here you go. **

* * *

I settled into the couch. It felt blissful to be off my feet and legs.

"How was apartment hunting?" My mom asked gently, smiling as she set down some carrot sticks and ranch. My mom might have been all about good nutrition, but at least she compromised on ranch dressing.

"It felt like being caught inside a montage of hilariously awkward first dates…but with landlords. And with your girlfriend present." I said, shutting my eyes and flashing back to the garden unit that I had convinced Alison to look at because it was such a great deal. I only realized once we were there the current tenants appeared to be some bizarre cross between stoners and serial killers. Which seemed like mutually exclusive endeavors. I told my mom and she laughed appreciatively.

"Yep. Your father and I ran into some interesting situations ourselves when we were looking. Where is Alison?" She asked.

"Went upstairs to take a bath, likely to feel clean again." My mom and I never really discussed my relationship with Alison. She seemed to accept that it was happening, but the last thing she really ever said on the subject was back in high school, when she cautioned me about not getting caught up chasing an old love interest.

"Honey, I want you to know you are more than welcome to stay here with us. But I understand if that feels a little…stifling at your age." My mom touched my knee gently as she spoke.

"I know Mom. Thank you. Just didn't really pan out today, but there are still more places we can look at."

"Okay." As she left the room, my phone buzzed.

**Hanna:** Caleb and I are having an engagement party this Saturday. Nothing crazy, more just close friends and cocktails.

**Me:** Wow your wedding celebrations and it won't be crazy?

**Hanna:** Saving that for the bachelorette party DUH

I shook my head, only imagining what could be in store for us at the bachelorette party. At the very least, I wouldn't get as much enjoyment out of the experience.

**Me:** That sounds great. We will be there.

It had been a little awkward to tell Alison about the engagement after learning from Hanna at the coffee shop. I tried to play it off, saying Hanna probably didn't tell her right away because they wanted a small wedding. They wanted to tell the people that would be standing up for them first, and since Caleb was only had a few people he was close enough with to ask, Hanna was keeping it down to the three of us.

**Hanna:** Just as a heads up…Paige will be there. She is actually going to be standing up for Caleb…hope that's okay.

**Me:** Of course

I typed it out right away, but it took me a few moments to actually send it. I had a feeling Paige would be standing on Caleb's side, but it would be awkward. Alison was not going to be happy.

* * *

When we arrived, Ms. Marin was waiting outside with a drink cart. What was up with our moms and drink carts?

"Hey Emily. Hey Alison." She said warmly, hugging us both. Ms. Marin was still team Ali, having forgiven her for lying for so long once Alison explained she was trying to protect us.

"It means so much to have you both here. What can I make you ladies?" She said, gesturing towards the variety of alcohol and non-alcoholic drinks she had on the cart. We both asked for simple gin and tonics, and walked into the living room where everyone was gathered. I immediately looked around for Paige, but she must still be on her way. My nerves were working overtime at the thought of seeing her again after our kiss.

We sat down on one part of a couch that was not occupied, wedged between Lucas and Ezra. Toby, Spencer, Aria, and the couple of honor were all here crowded around the coffee table. Ms. Marin was the only parent who could make it on short notices, although Hanna assured us both her dad and Caleb's parents sent their regards. So instead it was really a group of old friends together again.

After a while, I became aware again of the fact that my three best friends had somehow managed to stay with their high school sweethearts. Maybe what we all went through with A bonded us too much, while simultaneously making us distrustful of strangers. None of us had close friends from college, at least that I was aware of. Caleb was having Toby, Lucas, and Paige stand up for him. All friends from high school, cemented together thanks to trauma.

After a while of all of sitting around and chatting over drinks, I saw Paige enter the room. For a moment, our eyes met and I became incredibly flushed. Then I noticed she was holding a girl's hand. The same girl she had been with at the bar when we ran into one another. Acid suddenly seemed to slosh around in my stomach as Paige said hi to the group and introduced Vanessa.

Alison looked over at Paige and nodded a curt nod. I touched Alison's hand, but she pulled hers away. I had decided not to tell her about Paige coming to the party. That way I only had to deal with her being irritated at the get together, not the days leading up to it as well.

Paige and Vanessa sat on the ground, their knees touching. More pangs of jealousy ran through me again. Vanessa leaned over a whispered something in Paige's ear. After a moment, Paige looked at her and nodded. They both started laughing a little bit. I had the feeling Paige had told Vanessa exactly who I was even before they got here.

Spencer broke my concentration by rapping on the wooden table till she had the room's attention.

"So now that we are all here. I just wanted to say congratulations to Caleb and Hanna. You two have shown us all that while the course of true love never runs smooth, it is worth it when you've found your match. The one you are willing to fight for and work with, the one that-" Spencer's speech was cut off by Hanna.

"Spencer! It isn't even the wedding yet! Save the good stuff." But the ear to ear grin Hanna had made it clear she was delighted at Spencer's thoughtful words. Spencer just rolled her eyes and sat down.

"Guys, thank you all for coming. Just relax and have fun." Caleb said, holding up his glass of champagne to all of us before taking a sip. I looked at Alison, trying to feel out her mood, but she was impossible to figure out when she didn't want to be figured out.

We quickly got wrapped up in conversations, but as I talked to Hanna I kept noticing Ezra looking over at Alison and me. I just brushed it off after a while. Everyone was getting a little tipsy, and Toby suggested we start some rounds of poker. Alison perked up at the mention of the game, eagerly volunteering herself for the first round.

I declined, not really interested in the game myself. Besides knowing Alison's skills, it was foolish to play against her. My eyes kept wandering over to Paige and Vanessa. They were mainly keeping to themselves, but I noticed after laughing at some joke together, Vanessa's hand found its way to Paige's knee and stayed there. She played poker one-handed, talking to Paige in between betting. Vanessa lost out in the first round, and Paige took her spot.

I could already tell Alison wasn't going to go easy on her, so I excused myself to get some air outside. I walked to Ms. Marin's back porch, sitting on the steps leading to the lawn. I looked up at the night sky. The evening wasn't going too bad so far, with Alison and Paige being in the same room. I heard someone cough behind me and I turned around.

"Hey." It was Ezra. He had walked up next to me and stood there, biting his lip and seeming unsure about what to say next.

"Ezra…I didn't see you there. What's up?" I asked, patting the spot next to me. He sat down a little awkwardly, trying to fold up his sinewy limbs. I had always appreciated that he was a bit of a dork. It helped take the edge off how weird it was to first learn he was dating Aria. Now I couldn't imagine Aria with anyone else.

"I'm going to just get to it. I know this is out of line but it's come to my attention you are planning to sign a lease with Alison?" I felt my stomach drop. Not him too. I nodded slowly to affirm.

"Don't do it." He said quietly but determinedly. He looked directly in my eyes as he said it, but dropped his eyes as soon as he finished the statement. I rolled my eyes and went to stand up, but he held his arm out to try and stop me from moving.

"Seriously Ezra? You too?" His arm hadn't actually touched me, but I kept seated anyway as I started to grow irritated, a heat pulsing through my blood.

"I know what it's like to be under her spell. And I know you feel a sense of obligation to be with her because of everything that happened. But she is fully capable of taking care of herself. In fact, I would wager that is her greatest skill. She may seem like she cares for other people…but if you got in her way, she would bulldoze you." He rolled his beer bottle back and forth in the palms of his hands, not looking up to me but instead out at the trees on the outskirts of the lawn.

"Have you been talking to Aria and Spencer about this?" Ezra looked surprised, but adamantly shook his head.

"Emily no. It isn't like that. I just needed you to hear me out. I remember what it was like to think I was the most important, interesting thing in her world." His last comment and its implications lodged in my brain, but I was already seeing red. He had at least conspired with Aria about this. They used the same wording and everything. I stormed away and back into the house, determined to take her aside and confront her. Ezra made a half-hearted attempt to stop me but quickly sat back down.

So what if he had some puppy crush on Alison years ago? And that she used to lead people on? She was different now. I saw Aria from down the hall. She was sitting in the living room, laughing with Spencer about something. Before I could get to her, an arm suddenly reached out from behind an open, dark doorframe and yanked me in, shutting the door behind me. It caught me so off guard I didn't even yelp, just letting out a shocked gasp before feeling the wooden door behind my back.

It was Paige.

"Em this is an engagement party. Keep that in mind before you go storm in there and cause a scene." She said quietly. Great. More unsolicited and unwanted advice.

"How did you even know what I was doing?" I said as I pulled my shoulder away from her hand. I wasn't even sure she had her hand on my shoulder, but I didn't even want to give her that.

"I was walking out this very door to go bring more cups and straws when I saw you charging. You didn't see me, but I know what expression well enough." I looked around and noticed we were in a cramped pantry.

"You don't even know what it is about."

"Try me then." I looked at her straight in her eyes. She looked frustrated and sad.

"I can't. It's about Alison." I said softly. She hung her head.

"Okay." She said in an irritated tone and tried to move past me. This time I stopped her, touching her waist with my hand. She looked down at my arm and then back up into my eyes.

"Yes?" She asked.

"It's not easy seeing you here with a date. I never…I mean I know you've moved on but it still hurts." I whispered. It really confused me, how much it affected me to see her with someone else. I had never seen Paige look at another girl like that. My mental images of her were frozen from two years ago, when she was devoted to me. To us.

Her eyes met mine and my breathing hitched. We were standing so close I could feel her breath on my neck.

"It does?" She finally asked, her voice hoarse and low. She glanced down at my lips, then back up. My core clenched in a delicious, automatic response of want. My hand was still on her waist, and I took a risk, lightly moving my hand along her side, stroking her gentle through the thin fabric of her shirt. She took another tiny step towards me. I started to slip my thumb under the hem of her shirt. I could feel her soft skin radiating heat. She was leaning in, and soon we would be kissing again. Her lips caressed my own so softly at first, it tickled.

A loud thump at the door startled me so much my hand jerked and landed on Paige's bare stomach, underneath her shirt. Her abs were so hard and her eyes fluttered shut as she leaned into my touch. Our lips were still grazing, but neither of us pressed them together, trying to resist the impulse. Our heavy breathing made our lips brush and caress, and even that was making me dizzy.

"Paige? You get those cups?" Lucas said through the door, rattling the knob. Paige put her arms on either side of me and braced the door so he wouldn't open it.

"Yes I'll be out in a second." She said, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Okkkaaayyy then." Lucas said before walking off down the hall. Paige looked down at my hand, still on her stomach, before stepping back to grab the cups and straws.

"Weren't you playing poker anyway?" I asked.

"I was. Alison wiped me out in the first round." She responded, her expression unreadable. Then she left. I gave myself a few moments to collect myself before going back out as well.


	8. Chapter 8

Once the party finally wore down, Alison and I went home. I was physically tired from the night, but mentally I was all over the place. Once we returned from the pantry, Paige was noticeably less physical with Vanessa. Alison also managed to beat everyone but Spencer in poker. She was a gracious loser, especially since they had still managed to beat every guy in the room at cards.

"Coming to bed?" Alison asked, a hint of suggestion in her voice. I smiled and shook my head.

"I'm still kind of wired. I think I'm going to stay up for a while, work on some drills for swim camp this coming week." Alison leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. It didn't tingle like Paige's kisses did, but Alison and I had been dating for a couple of years now. Those kinds of intense, powerful tingles faded after a while.

"So diligent even in the lazy summer." I went upstairs, kissing her goodnight before grabbing my laptop and notebook with swimmer stats inside. After making myself a cup of tea I went to work on figuring out some workouts to suggest we incorporate into the camp. As hard as I was on her, Sydney was now one of our star swimmers. I had to make sure we doing anything we could to keep her at peak condition, and ready to help lead the other girls.

I also started browsing some apartment listings, seeing if there were any worthwhile for Alison and I to look at this week. We both liked the layout of Ezra and Aria's respective apartments, but their buildings were full. I had to focus on Alison. What happened with Paige was intense, but it was wrong. I shouldn't have gotten so close to kissing her again. She would be gone again in a couple of months anyway.

My phone buzzed. It was nearly 2 am.

Paige: Are you still up?

My heart felt like it was in my throat.

Me: Yes.

Paige: I'm outside.

I nearly dropped my phone, setting it on the table and peeking through our peephole. Sure enough Paige was standing there, head dipped a bit and her hands in her pockets. I opened the door and stepped out on the porch, closing it softly behind me so I wouldn't wake anyone up.

"Paige…what are you doing here?" I asked, wrapping my arms around my body. It had grown a bit chilly in the dead of night.

"I came just to talk. I won't try anything." She held her hands up, palms facing me in surrender. Instead of continuing, she just regarded me with the same puppy dog eyes I fell in love with in high school.

"Alright. Let's talk." I murmured. She shrugged like she was giving up and surrendering to this conversation.

"I've missed you. I can't pretend I don't want you or I haven't been thinking about that kiss and what nearly happened in the pantry tonight." She said, looking at the ground. I couldn't believe her. Where was this coming from? She was clearly seeing someone now that she was back in town anyway. She had never reached out to me.

"You never returned my calls. You never tried to talk to me or visit…" Paige started shaking her head, looking genuinely confused.

"But I did." She said shortly, looking me in the eyes. "She didn't tell you, did she? Unbelievable." She added, sticking her hands in her pockets and almost shrugging her shoulders helplessly.

"What do you mean?"

"Last summer, I came home after my freshman year. I know I didn't answer your messages or texts…I wasn't ready. I kind of just hoped whatever might have been going on between you two had ended. I came here to your house. I wanted to apologize for storming off at prom and avoiding you since then." She took a breath and paused before continuing.

"I needed time away from you, but months passed and you were always, always in the back of my mind. I at least wanted to salvage our friendship." She had been pacing a bit, unable to stay till. But once she admitted I had been on her mind, she looked me in the eyes. Part of her hair had fallen over her face, and I had to resist pushing it back.

"And then what happened? What does Alison have to do with this?"

"When I came here Alison answered the door. She said you were out with your parents. Seeing her answer your door told me all I really needed to know. I asked her to give you a letter I wrote. This, especially given my history with Alison and letters, was a foolish thing to do. As I left, I glanced up at your bedroom. You were sitting in the window seat." She glanced up at the top of porch as she said it, trying to gesture to where my window was. I shook my head, feeling jangled by this information. Alison had hid this from me?

"I don't remember any time the doorbell rang and Alison got it instead of me." I felt like I was giving statements to the Rosewood police again, trying to sound noncommittal and not indict myself.

"Maybe you had headphones in. But you were home." She seemed like she was telling the truth. Everyone in Rosewood was a liar, but Paige hardly did so. When she had, it had been to protect me or our relationship.

"What did the letter say?" She hesitated for a moment, biting her lip and seemingly lost in thoughts.

"The same thing I'm telling you now. That I still think about you. I wonder all the time how things would have been if we had still been together when I left. Maybe you could have transferred in after all. And that no matter what, I would be here for you if you really needed me." She sounded gruff, like she had lost sleep. But she didn't shed a tear. She was stronger than when she left. Almost impossibly strong. The change in her behavior was cold, almost off-putting.

"You still could have called or messaged me or tried again." I was shocked. Paige had reached out to me a year ago, but Alison had intercepted it. Did she do it to protect our relationship or to spite Paige? Should it matter?

"I don't know why I didn't! I didn't want to get my hopes up. I thought maybe you had…purposely sent Alison down to see me because you didn't want to. And since I assumed she would at least give you the letter…I had to assume I was out of line and you were done with me." She dipped her head, looking embarrassed for being afraid. "I know it is wrong to want to come between you two. But Emily…are you really happy with her?" I shook my head, and Paige's eyes went round in surprise. She misunderstood; I was shaking my head at her asking me something like that.

"It's too late for us." I said, trying to sound convincing. I saw the hope instantly drain from her expression.

"That's…that's not what I asked." She gently said.

"I think you should go now." Instead of moving, she pinched the bridge of her nose with one hand.

"Em…you did this to yourself. But you can undo it. You…you're better than this." She started to walk away. She didn't say it in a malicious way, but it felt like a splinter under my skin. I walked after her, grabbing her shoulder to whirl her around and face me.

"Where do you get off saying something like that? I'm glad you are having such a great time at Stanford and you feel like you can come in and out of town and judge me. Stanford was your dream, not mine." The words hung in the air like a thick blanket. You know what it is like when you say something, and however true it is, you instantly regret it? You realize the impact and you know you can't apologize it away?

"Is that really how you feel? How you've always felt?" Her demeanor had changed. It was like she was contemplating a possibility she never thought about before. I remained silent, not wanting to make things worse. I had already driven her away with that statement.

"Okay." She said as she disappeared into the night. I went back inside with a heavy heart and even more to think about.

* * *

I woke up to someone gently shaking my shoulder, and bright sunlight. My dad was the one shaking me awake, and I realized after blinking a few times I feel asleep on the couch. I felt sweaty and uncomfortable, having also fallen asleep in jeans and my top from the night before. Dad just smiled and glanced at the laptop and back at me.

"All work no play?" He asked.

"Sort of. I was working on workouts for the team and must have drifted off…what time is it?" I said, rubbing my eyes and lifting myself up. I was stiff from increasing my runs and sleeping there.

"It's only eight." He replied.

"Great…still might get a run in before work." I started to gather my things and head up the stairs, then stopped and turned to my dad. I thought about my conversation the night before with Paige. I knew I had to confront Alison about the letter.

"Dad?" I asked to get his attention again. He looked over at me, setting his cup of coffee down.

"Yeah Emily?"

"When you and mom met…how did you realize she was the woman you wanted to marry? What was the difference between her and other women you dated?" He looked puzzled at why I was asking such a personal question right now, but I knew he would give me an answer. He touched the edge of a framed picture from their wedding he had sitting on the coffee table.

"It was more than just being in love. She supported me and I supported her. I felt like we could be partners. We could live and raise a family together. We want the same things out of life." He finished and looked at me, still trying to figure out why I asked.

"Thanks." I said as I practically jogged up the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

"_I know you want to kiss me." She said teasingly, grinning up at me because she knew, and that knowledge gave her power. _

_I started to walk up to her, but before I could try and kiss her she turned to grab the snow globe she gave me off the shelf. It was sitting next to the bracelet she had made. This is always what it was like with Alison. Just when I thought I had her, she slipped through my fingers. Like when you go to hold a butterfly, and despite its lazy speed you see it floating away from your closed hand a minute later. _

"_I love you too, Ali." She looked up at me, surprised by my confession. "I've loved you against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be." I had looked that quote up every now and then over the years, cementing Alison's uncharacteristically sweet words into my skin. _

_My feelings for Alison had sat like a stone somewhere in my heart, skin and tissue growing over it, creating a knot of unresolved tension. I had to know. I had to know if this could be what I thought it was years ago. If we had a happy ending. _

_And Alison was here. She was flesh and blood and hot and she was here. And I had to know. She was leaning in now, planting a kiss on my lips. _

"_I'm scared." She said, so quietly. So brokenly. I tilted her chin up so she would look me in the eyes._

"_You don't have to be. I'll protect you." _

"_You're all I have, Em. The others…"_

"_Don't worry about them. They will come around. Especially if you are…my girlfriend." _

"_I've wondered…I mean I'm not sure if I'm…but I want to try. With you. No pressure?" At the time, all I heard was her saying she wanted to try. But thinking back, the rest of the words tasted bitter in my mouth. At the time I just took her hands and assured her._

"_No pressure." Even though I wanted pressure. I wanted this to be something real, and not a casual aside till Alison found a guy to settle down with. _

* * *

Alison was still sleeping when I got upstairs. I threw on my running clothes and got outside. I still didn't know to feel about Paige's confessions and the fact Alison had purposely blocked me from seeing Paige when she finally had reached out.

Part of me understood. She had been trying to protect our relationship. She had always been worried about Paige. But she had taken away my autonomy, and prevented Paige and I from getting closure and possibly being friends again. No wonder Paige was so distant when she had first come back; she assumed I had wanted nothing to do with her anymore.

I ran down to the same trails were I used to go with Paige. We used to race with our swimsuits underneath our shorts, hopping in Paige's pool when we finished. It was hot and I could already feel my skin grow hot and flushed, despite keeping a slow pace since I barely slept.

After a painful few miles, I came around to my street again. I was running past Alison's old house when I saw her dad walking towards his car to leave for work. He was clutching a leather brief case in one hand and a coffee in the other. His suit was light gray and seemed light, but I could imagine it must be hot to wear in the summer heat.

"Emily! How are you?" He smiled and gestured for me to come over. Since he still travelled so often for work, he readily agreed to Alison staying with me. After all the other tragedies in their lives, Alison shacking up with a girlfriend was nothing to him. It was oddly refreshing.

"Good Mr. DiLaurentis. How are you?"

"Not too bad. I've just been busy, meeting with clients outside Rosewood. Listen I know you guys started looking at apartments." I was caught off guard by the sudden way he directed the conversation to a specific topic. I began to feel a little knot of worry in my stomach.

"Yeah we have. Hard though, trying to find something that matches our budget but seems decent." I thought back to some we had looked at despite knowing they were out of our price range. One had a breakfast nook I thought would have been perfect, especially for the rare lazy weekend mornings we had. But Alison had been quick to remind me we couldn't really afford it, with her dad and my parents insisting we earn our own way.

"I'm surprised." He commented, looking generally perplexed. He sat his coffee down on the hood and started to fish his keys out of his pocket as he spoke. "I mean, as far as I'm concerned you don't really have a budget. I'm happy to pay whatever you guys need, and Alison knows that." The knot in my stomach twisted tighter, and my jaw dropped. Maybe I didn't understand right.

"What?" I had to have misheard.

"Don't feel like you have to be embarrassed to get more help from me. Alison's safety is important to me. The money really doesn't matter." He repeated. He had just unlocked his car door, and when he looked at me he must have realized this was news to me. "Emily, are you okay?"

"Yeah…sorry just have to go get ready for work." I jogged away as he said goodbye.

* * *

"This is crazy." Spencer finally said, breaking the shocked silence.

"Spencer…" I started to groan in protest, but Aria instantly cut me off.

"No Spencer is right, this is nuts." Aria added, her eyes wide after listening to my story.

"It's a huge insult at the least, and a betrayal at the most." Hanna quietly said, reaching over to touch my knee. We had met at the Brew after my shift ended. We had all gathered around one of the more isolated tables in back.

"And you didn't talk to her?" Spencer asked, taking a sip of her decaffeinated coffee. She had asked for regular, but I wasn't about to supply her with any caffeine for this conversation. She kept eyeing the mug suspiciously even though there was no way she could tell the difference in taste with and without caffeine. Right?

"When I got back from running, she was already gone somewhere for the day. And with how angry I am, I didn't want to text her. I have to talk to her in person." I said, just staring at my drink but not touching it.

"I can't believe you didn't tell us. She's still playing games with you, Ezra was right." Spencer said matter-of-factly, looking me straight in the eyes. Aria and Hanna just looked shocked. I started to tear up. Spencer grabbed my shoulders and squeezed me to her. Aria was sitting on my other side, and touched my knee reassuringly.

"I feel like I screwed up. Like I just went wrong somewhere." I admitted. It had felt awful to think about telling my friends, but now I felt strangely relieved not carrying the weight myself. I surprised myself with how conflicted and emotional I felt. I had desperately wanted things to work with Alison, to believe she was actually committed to being with me.

"You didn't screw up. None of us have it all together." Aria said.

"That's the point of college anyway. And we know how much you love Ali. I think…she can be blinding at times. Like you don't see the full picture of who she is because you are up too close." Hanna fidgeted as she spoke, not seeming to want to look me in the eyes.

"What are you going to do?" Spencer asked in a low, serious tone. I felt the blood rush to my head and mouth grow dry.

"I need to talk to her. If it's true…if she is still playing games about living together and purposely stopped me from seeing Paige last year…" I felt my eyes tear up again, and dabbed them with a napkin Aria handed me. "Guys I'm sorry. I feel like I closed myself off from you. When you have Alison in your life…it's like you don't have room for anybody else."

"Knock it off!" Hanna exclaimed, jarring me from my apology. We all looked at her, not understanding her outburst.

"Again with your remarkable level of tact Hanna." Spencer slowly said. Hanna shrugged her shoulders in a defensive gesture.

"We've all made mistakes Emily. I mean…I'm not saying Ali is a mistake. But even if she wasn't A, she was still shady. We all know it. That is why most of us distanced ourselves. You think she will fall apart if you break up? Wake up. She is Alison, she can live through a nuclear war. She practically has already." Hanna leaned back.

"Is there a cockroach metaphor buried in there? Because that might be too far…" Aria shook her head and tried to refocus her energy. "But I kind of agree with Hanna. Do what you need to do. We want you to be happy. And I don't feel like Alison manipulating you and flirting with guys at bars is making you very happy." Aria finished.

"It has felt a bit like you are Alison's pitbull." Spencer hesitantly added, almost looking fearful when I shot her a look. "You do know about that nickname right?"

"Yes." I rolled my eyes. Even when Alison was at her worst, I was considered her guard dog: a loyal, stubborn companion. Spencer raised her hands in mock surrender.

"I'm just saying she pulls you from us. And we are all a team. We have been for a long time now. That won't change. Ever." I let out a little smirk, before my face tightened in worry again. I knew part of the reason my relationship trouble with Alison was bothering me so much was because I didn't feel like I was living up to my potential in other areas. But that isn't what I needed to tell my best friends about now.

"There's one more thing. I…kissed Paige." Hanna started choking on her drink, and Spencer hurried over to smack her a few times on the back.

"You _what_? Emily!" Hanna spat out when she regained a breath. Aria just let out a heavy breath.

"I asked you once if you could fix things with Paige. You tried, and you still ended up with Alison. Don't mess around with her again if you don't mean it Em." Spencer's voice had a protective tone in it.

"Wait Spencer; give her a chance to talk before scolding." Aria countered, holding a hand up and motioning for me to elaborate. "Did she reciprocate?"

"Was this before or when she visited you in the middle of the night?" Spencer barked before Aria physically held a finger over Spencer's mouth to shush her. Spencer softened a bit after that.

"Before. We were catching up and decided to go for a swim. I got a cramp…" Aria groaned, Spencer just arched an eyebrow, and Hanna tried to hide her smirk with her hand. "Damn guys I'm being serious! I really did get a bad cramp." I flushed red in embarrassment before continuing.

"Paige grabbed me and pulled me out the water. And it just happened. And I feel terrible. Alison and I had gotten into it a bit before I left to meet Paige, and right after Paige stormed off after kissing me, Alison wrote me a text saying how sorry she was for our fight. So I didn't tell her, thinking it was just a fluke with Paige. A stupid fluke. But I…"

"I wish you would have told us about this first." Spencer growled, her voice low. "You cheated on her, Em. You need to come clean with Alison." Hanna and Aria just made it a point to look intently in their drinks. Hanna looked especially lost in her thoughts. Then she spoke quietly.

"You and Alison are poisonous together. Slow acting and subtle, but over time the insidious parts of your relationship have taken their toll. On both of you." Hanna noticed our shocked faces, and shrugged her shoulders again. "What? Don't look at me like that. We're all in college. I do read and analyze."

"You continue to be a beautiful, contradictive mystery Hanna Marin." Spencer commented.

"It's not cool what you did with Paige, especially if you didn't mean it. Especially since you are with Alison. But I do respect you for being honest. When I thought Toby was A, it nearly shredded me apart to not just tell you guys what I was going through." Spencer confessed.

"I felt terrible when I kissed Ezra while seeing Jake. But if you think, like I did, that person could be the one…you have to fight for it." Aria justified.

"We've all done things we regret. But you have to be honest with Alison. And you deserve honesty from her, even if you don't get it." Hanna said.

"Lies have never gotten any of us anywhere." Spencer thought out loud, biting her lip. Then she sipped her coffee and glanced up at me.

"Is this decaf Emily?" My deer-in-headlights response must have said it all. Spencer got up and marched to the counter, cursing under her breath before requesting a red eye.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: I want to thank people for ALL the reviews, along with the follows and favorites. If it is any consolation to the reviewers who expressed frustration with the characters so far, this chapter might start to help. **

**This story is really two parts, and while the first has largely focused on Emily and Emison, the second will focus on Emily getting her shit together for lack of better words. And Paily. So thank you for your words and your implied patience if you are still reading.**

* * *

My stomach felt hot and irritated as I walked up the stairs to my room. I half expected her not to be there. To have simply vanished, somehow knowing what was coming. I had half-expected Alison to disappear throughout our whole relationship. Dating her has always felt like cupping a frantic butterfly in my hands, feeling it constantly trying to slip through my fingers.

But when I walked into the room she was there. Sitting on the bed and reading a copy of _Wuthering Heights_. She looked so blissful and relaxed; I almost disregarded everything I needed to say.

"Alison…" She held up a finger as her eyes continued to scan the page, effectively ignoring me. She had a tendency to become engrossed in literature.

"Have you read this one before? It's Emily Brontë." She said quietly, still not looking up from the page.

"No but…" She shook her head and told me to listen.

"My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Healthcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being." She quoted. She then grabbed the bookmark sitting beside her, marked her page, and sat the book down to give me her full attention. "What's up?" She said, noting my fidgeting and the fact I hadn't sat down yet.

"We need to talk." I quietly said. The room suddenly felt too quiet and small. I felt trapped in it, in this conversation I was starting.

"That doesn't sound good." She frowned.

"I ran into your dad this morning." I walked over to the window, looking over at her house. I couldn't stand to look at her, or I would lose my courage to do this.

By this time, the moon was full and hanging heavy and bloated in the night sky. My parents were probably out at dinner somewhere. For that I was relieved. I didn't want them around for this.

"Oh?" Her voice betrayed a small ounce of fear.

"Mind explaining why we have been looking and looking for the perfect apartment within our budget, when we don't actually _have_ a budget?" I turned around and faced her, trying to gauge her reaction. Her face remained passive.

Alison was after all, nothing if not a naturally talented actress. But her eyes told me she was afraid, or at least caught off guard.

"Em…I can explain." She looked down at the bed, biting her lip. I shook my head.

"After you are done explaining that, tell me about the night Paige stopped by to see me last summer. To refresh your memory, you told her I wasn't home and failed to give me a letter she asked you to deliver." At this, Alison's eyes glazed over in a familiar look of cynical indifference.

"So that is what this is about. Paige." She flatly concluded, pushing herself off the bed and standing to face me. But I wasn't going to fall for it this time.

"This has nothing to do with Paige. This has everything to do with you lying to me. Manipulating me. Still. To this day." I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to quench the surprising level of anger I was feeling.

"If this has nothing to do with Paige, why did you kiss her?" She fired back, crossing her arms and standing tall. Alison had officially just entered the arena, and this sort of sport was her specialty. But when her words hit me, I felt like she had punched me in the neck. The anger seemed to drain, replaced with a heady feeling of guilt and fear.

"How'd you know?" I wondered out loud.

"I didn't till just now, but I could assume. I saw the way you two kept looking at each other at Hanna's engagement party." She had been hoarding this. It was her trump card to anything I could be righteously angry for. It didn't even seem like she was upset by me cheating. She just seemed content to have something to hold over me again.

"Okay fine. I kissed Paige. And I feel terrible. But that doesn't change the fact that you lied to me about wanting to move forward. You don't want to have a real relationship with me at all, not in the open. You can barely look at me or touch me except in this room. I'm not your doll anymore. I can't just be picked up and put down when it suits you." I spat out. I realized this was about more than just being lied to. This was about being partially closeted again. Alison would never go to a gay bar with me, let alone get a house with a white picket fence and a bunch of cats. Alison couldn't be tamed or domesticated by anyone for long.

And she knew it too. She just didn't like being called out on it.

"You told me no pressure. You told me I could be myself and be safe when I was with you! Why do you need to get this apartment together?" Her face still remained passive and blank of any micro expressions, despite her obvious anger.

"When I said no pressure or promises I lied. I lied to appease you. I lied because I thought after two years you might entertain the notion of being in a real relationship with me. I wanted to protect you. God help me Alison I still do." I reached my hand out, trying to touch her shoulder, but she jerked away from my touch.

"I don't need your protection. And maybe I wasn't ready to U-Haul with you but that doesn't mean this relationship isn't real to me. I've been in your bed for two goddamn years Emily. In the meantime, Paige has been in any woman's bed except yours, and one letter could have dismantled us in a heartbeat. That's why I kept it from you!" There. She had finally said it.

She seemed surprised at her own outburst, breathing heavily to try and regain control of herself.

"It wasn't your choice to make. With or without the letter, you aren't ready to be out with me in our own place. You can't take that next step in our lives. And I…I have to." My face felt wet, and I realized I had started crying. This seemed to break something down in Alison. She looked down at my trembling lips then up to my eyes.

"Em I don't want to fight…" Her blue eyes were so brilliantly captivating in that moment. Clear and true, despite how easily they could hurt me with one glance. She could be so kind and generous, but it took so much to get her to break down her defenses. I couldn't keep fighting for scraps of her love.

"This isn't going to work." My voice cracked as I said it, but I knew Alison had heard me. For a second, the whole world seemed to stop. I could hear the silence, blood pounding in my ears. She opened her mouth to say something a few quick times, but stopped herself each time.

"Okay." She said finally. She hadn't shed a tear so far, but she turned to hide her face from me. A wave of guilt hit me. Because even though I was upset, even though she had lied and hurt me, I still felt like I was abandoning her.

I sat on the window seat as she packed the clothes and toiletries she had here. Most of her stuff was at her dad's house, which she still had her key to. I willed myself not to change my mind and give in. Because now I knew where our road ended. We would never have a life together in the open. We had hidden in the shadows for so long because of A that we only thrived in it. Alison and I weren't meant for the sun.

She sighed, picking up the suitcase. She regarded me with that same unreadable expression.

"Alison? Will you be okay?" I asked, panicked I was sending her to her doom even though I knew better.

"I always am." With that she walked out the room and that was it. Our relationship was over. My parents hadn't been home, I would have to tell them soon. For now I just cried, grieving over a necessary but tough loss.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Note: Again thank you to everybody that has been kind of enough to review, favorite, and/or follow. It is a big ego boost. This chapter is sorta short, but I will try not to leave it hanging too long before the next update. **

* * *

**Weeks later. **

Dana blew her whistle, the shrill noise immediately reducing the movement in the water.

"Alright ladies cool down." The swimmers expressed gratitude at being able to end the tough workout. Dana started walking around the edges of the pool to where I was standing, frantically jotting down notes in my notebook.

"Well?" I said, looking up from the words to her. She was smiling broadly.

"Emily that was a great workout you prepared. And you didn't seem nearly as distracted. What's gotten into you?" She asked, trying to read my expression to figure out what the secret could possibly be.

"I guess I just decided it was time to really be present. I miss swimming myself…but I want to try and help this team be the best they can be at it." Dana nodded appreciatively.

"I haven't seen you motivated like this since high school…keep it up. The team needs you like this all the time." She said before walking away. It felt good for Dana to see the improvement. I started to head out myself, but decided to stop putting off one other loose end.

"Sydney?" I gestured for her to come over. She looked like she was stuck between confusion and fear.

"Yes Coach Fields?" Sydney seemed uncomfortable in her own skin as she answered, wrapping a towel around her waist and peeling off her swim cap.

"Relax. I just wanted to say sorry. You were right; I was still being hard on you. What happened with Jenna was when I was in high school. I should have left it in the past. You realize you will probably make captain this year right?" She blushed furiously, but nodded in acceptance.

"Great. Then you should know that the swim camp is helpful but it isn't everything. You will want to keep your cardio up. It just happens I'm training for a race…would you like to train with me?" I suddenly felt as shy as Sydney looked up at me and considered my proposal. She really hadn't realized what kind of game Jenna had involved her in…she had just assumed it was a little _Mean Girls_ stuff. Nothing like the _Scream_ movie it really turned out to be.

"Um…I would love to. Yes. When did you want to start?" She seemed to finally breathe in and out after realizing I wanted to make amends.

"How about tomorrow morning? It'll be Saturday so you won't have to come to practice afterwards." She agreed and started to walk away, clenching her shoulders in a nervous gesture still. But then she turned around.

"What about Alison? She still doesn't like me…I know she probably wouldn't like you hanging out with me." It took me by surprise, even though it shouldn't. Alison had never forgiven Sydney for getting involved in Jenna and Mona's game, and still suspected she knew more about Jenna's true intentions then she had let on. But none of that mattered to me anymore.

"We…aren't together anymore. So it's fine." Sydney's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets at the news.

"Does Paige know?" She eagerly inquired.

"Not yet…and I hope it can stay that way till I'm ready to tell her myself. Understood?"

"But it is nearly the end of the summer…she will be going back to school soon…" Sydney reasoned. I smiled even though it broke my heart to think about it. Reach out before I'm ready or risk losing her for good this time?

I coughed and asked again if she could keep a secret. The irony didn't escape me.

"Yes coach. See you Saturday!" She shuffled off. I felt another burden come off my shoulders. It turned out it was much easier to just try and do the right things versus hold on to the anger.

When I thought about Paige, my stomach knotted in some bizarre cross between nerves, lust, and longing. I don't know why I was scared to tell her. She had all but said she would give it another chance. Part of me couldn't believe I was still waiting around, leaving Paige open to another girl stealing her heart. Someone like Vanessa or another girl back in California.

But I knew I wasn't ready. I had to learn who I was. I stared out at the pool, thinking about how much easier it seemed before. As crazy as everything else had been in high school, Paige was the one thing that had given me the hope of a happy ending.

"The hallways all seem smaller than they were in high school." Aria said, startling me from my thoughts.

"Well that is an especially interesting observation coming from you." I said, arching an eyebrow.

"I'm not that short!" She scolded, following me as I walked to the office.

"Come on I just need to pick up my bag and we can go."

* * *

"Are we going to have to meet at these random dive bars for the rest of our lives in order to avoid Alison?" Hanna asked, frustrated.

"Probably not. No. Well just the rest of the summer for me. Come on guys it's already weird enough I have to see her all the time when I leave my house. The last thing I want to see is her in the middle of picking someone up at the bars we used to go to together." I frowned imagining it.

"I like it. I think this place has character." Aria commented, her eyes searching the paint-splatted walls and etchings from previous patrons. Its walls did faintly resemble the sort of thing Aria would wear to school. "And I think I might have a solution to your being in the same neighborhood dilemma AND your still living at home dilemma." Aria suggested, biting her lip.

"Yeah what's that?" I asked.

"You could sublet my place while I'm in Europe! It fits in your budget and it's already furnished. Plus I would know I could trust you to not burn it down. Or blow it up. Or drive a car through it. Dealing with A really made me come to appreciate the importance of renter's insurance." Aria declared.

"Really Aria? That would be great!" I can't believe the simple solution of taking Aria's place never occurred to me.

"You should go see it too, before you move in. It's important." Spencer urged.

"Thanks future attorneys of America…but why? I've been to Aria's place plenty of times. Unless you are hiding some Red Room of Pain behind a bookcase…you aren't right?" Sure Aria's place had a certain…look to it, but I could get used to stuffed animals and an excessive amount of books and notepads.

"Would you rather me say yes or no?" She asked while smirking.

"I'm not sure." Spencer mumbled, quirking an eyebrow.

"Why are you drinking Guinness?" Hanna asked, nodding towards Aria's glass. Aria pulled the pint towards her body protectively.

"I want to be able to drink like the locals once I get there." She admitted, taking another swallow and grimacing a bit. "It isn't that bad once you get used to it." She added.

"It looks like you're loving it." Hanna observed. "So…you really haven't talked to her at all? Do you think I still have to invite her to my wedding?" She appeared lost in thought as she tried to picture it.

"No I haven't talked to her since we broke up. It's your wedding, it is up to you. Don't worry about me and having her there." It was so far away, it was hard to picture.

"It would be weird not to invite her now…I mean she came to the engagement party." Hanna explained.

"She will probably say no anyway. She isn't going to try and upstage you anymore. That Alison is thankfully gone." Spencer reassured, taking another sip of her beer.

"I'm not worried about me; I'm just worried about Alison's relationship with half the guests." Hanna said, looking directly at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Guys it'll work itself out. Ali isn't the person they remember her as anymore. And it isn't like I can't stand to be in the same room with her. I just realized she was never going to move ahead with me." I tried to explain.

"Well Paige is standing up for Caleb, and I'm pretty sure Alison is exactly who she remembered her being." Spencer pointed out.

"Touché. But they were civil at the engagement party. Have you talked to Paige? Does she know…" Aria asked.

"No not yet. It's too soon. Besides I don't know how to have that conversation with her." I shrugged. The break up hadn't been about wanting to be with Paige. It had been about things not working with Alison.

"Well, to be fair, you guys seemed to have this conversation every few weeks in high school. How difficult could it be at that rate?" Spencer asked, smiling.

"What conversation?" I asked.

"The conversation about how you really, actually want to be with her. You had the conversation so often the last time you guys had it, Paige just asked to skip the talk and kiss you. Senior year right?" Hanna added, starting to smile too.

"Alright alright enough." I said, slamming my beer down as I started to smile myself. Now they were openly laughing. "You guys aren't even that funny." I got up and started to leave.

"Oh come on Em we are just joking around!" Spencer called out.

"And we have to discuss when we are going shopping for your bridesmaid dresses!" Hanna shouted after me. I shook my head.

"I have a run scheduled with Sydney tomorrow morning. Have to up bright and early." I explained. This caused them all to get up and hug me.

"I'll schedule an apartment showing with you as soon as possible." Aria reassured. I shook my head, eager to tell my parents about the arrangement Aria was offering.

* * *

My parents had been thrilled with the idea of me taking over Aria's lease while she was away. After a few days Aria, Spencer, and Hanna had all badgered me into visiting Aria's place to get an idea of the environment. I should have known they were all up to something. When I knocked on Aria's door, it seemed like it took forever for her to come let me in.

"Hey." She chirped, her voice sounding tight and nervous. "Come in." She opened the door wider and I stepped over the threshold.

"Okay I'm here for this grand tour you guys are all so insistent on…" I stopped midsentence. Paige was sitting on the couch. Upon hearing my voice, she stood up, tucking hair behind her ear and dipping her head down, before nervously risking a glance in my eyes.

"Hey Em." She said. I felt a strange and abrupt swirl of excitement and fear at seeing her. A voice in my head whispered too soon, but I could barely hear it over the beat my heart was starting to drum.

"Yeah so I'm going to leave you two alone to have…any…uh let's just call them 'conversations' you may need to have." Aria sheepishly said, practically jogging out the door before I could think to stop her. Aria had been right back in high school; she really could move quickly when it was necessary. The three of them had planned this.

"Paige." I whispered. I felt dizzy, light in the head and heavy everywhere else, like all my blood was being pulled down in my body.


	12. Chapter 12

**Again I just want to say THANK YOU so much to everyone who has reviewed or followed. I apologize because this chapter is a little bumpy, but I wanted to get something out there so I could keep plugging. **

* * *

"Paige." I whispered. I felt dizzy, light in the head and heavy everywhere else, like all my blood was being pulled down in my body. I shook my head and tried to keep myself together. I walked to Aria's couch and purposely sat as far away from Paige as I could. She noticed but didn't say anything, sitting down again herself.

"I guess they told you that Alison and I broke up." I finally said. The silence was full, like storm clouds about to break open with heavy rain. She nodded.

"Listen Em…they were just trying to do what they thought was right. I know you didn't break up with her on my behalf." She spoke to the floor, not looking up at me. Her voice was thick with emotion I couldn't identify.

"I don't know how to begin." I explained. Even though I had tried to sit as far away from her as I could, I noticed I was starting to lean closer, like an invisible force was forever tugging me closer to her. I could smell her citrus scent already, her skin looking clean and flawless. She shifted her hips closer to mine. We still weren't touching but the pull was growing stronger. I felt like I could be crushed if I didn't just give in to the stubborn force.

Emotionally I wasn't anywhere near ready for this. But physically my body was aching for Paige's touch. I had always wanted her. There was nothing stopping us now.

"I should tell you I leave again in a few days." She might as well have wrenched my heart from my chest. "I think that's why Spencer was so insistent I see you." She added, her hand sliding near to mine. I inched mine closer to hers, relishing the spark even in the negative space between our hands.

"Well that and she is Spencer, therefore insistent by nature." I added.

"Yeah…" Paige agreed, trailing off as she looked at my lips. She licked her own; seemingly unaware that she had done it. She seemed to catch herself lost in a thought, and suddenly looked away with such a sudden expression of angst I remembered that we were here to talk. This time, we couldn't just kiss our problems away without explanation.

"Em…why did you break up with her?" She closed her eyes, furrowing her brow as she asked.

"Why do you want to know?" She shook her head, nearly scoffing at the question.

"I just want to hear it in your words, from you." She clarified.

So I told her about Alison admitting to hiding the letter. Paige looked angry, but I figured it was because that part involved her. But once I started to tell her about Alison lying about wanting to move in together, she looked even more aggravated, getting up and pacing while I explained the words Alison and I had exchanged.

When I finished talked, she had gotten so still I was a little nervous. I was afraid she would lash out physically. Not at me; I would never worry about Paige laying a hand on me. I was actually worried for Aria's personal belongings.

"Paige please talk to me." I finally said.

"I hated her. Maybe I still do. And yet…she nearly had everything I wanted with you." She quietly confessed. "Em…how can I ever trust you wouldn't break my heart again? Because the last time nearly killed me." I remembered how she looked leaving the prom and I grimaced. I could feel the sudden sting in my eyes and I tried to will them back. I didn't want her to feel bad for me.

"I was a fool. I had the best of everything. And I gave it up." She could instantly hear the hurt in my voice. She walked over and kneeled in front of me, touching my knee.

"I wondered so many times if things had been different…but they aren't. You dated Alison. It's been over two years since we were together in high school. We aren't the same people anymore." She was earnest as she looked up at me.

"I could understand if you wanted nothing to do with me again. I made a terrible mistake, hurting you. I've made a lot of mistakes since then, but that was the worst." I confessed. She sighed, cupping my cheeks in her hands. She then glanced at my lips, and before she could think better of it, kissed me. It was brief, like a warm breath on my skin. She pulled away and looked back in my eyes, her hands still on my cheeks.

"I haven't met anyone in two years who could even begin to mean what you do." She reassured.

"What about Vanessa?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

"Vanessa was just a summer fling." I must have looked surprised, because she quickly added, "something we both understood from the beginning. It is just casual. I haven't been serious with anyone else." She added, looking embarrassed. I gently touched her chin to raise her eyes to mine again. I was overcome by the deep reserve of emotions behind her eyes. Fear, desire, anxiety, love…I couldn't begin to understand what was going through her mind.

"I want to make things right…" I trailed off but she finished my sentence, understanding what I meant.

"When we are both ready." She agreed, searching my eyes. She brushed hair from my eyes and kissed me again, this time lingering but still keeping it tight-lipped. We couldn't rush this if it was going to happen. I had just gotten out of my relationship. I still wasn't ready, even though I was scared to let Paige go again.

* * *

After getting over the ambush Aria, Hanna, and Spencer had orchestrated, Paige and I had spent as much time as possible together before she left. We mostly just talked, about her swimming career, my coaching, and our college workloads. Our hang outs stayed chaste and away from more serious topics. She went running with me a few times, and I spent a little time wading in her pool while she did laps. I can't say I didn't appreciate seeing her soaking wet in just a swimsuit, but we never acted on our obvious lust for one another.

Or my obvious lust as the case may be. I could feel the warmth in the pit on my stomach, the wanting tug pulling at me when Paige would smile at me or brush against me accidently. I couldn't tell if she was just holding back showing any visible want because she wanted to be chivalrous or because she was getting what she needed elsewhere. Maybe she was still seeing Vanessa? I hated to think about it, even though I had no claim on her.

* * *

"Emily. You said yourself you guys are just friends, with the chance you may end up dating again." Spencer began, getting up to grab a bag of popcorn form the microwave. We were all sitting around Spencer's living room. I knew the next day would be my last with Paige until I visited her or she came back home.

"Yes." I agreed, already seeing where her line of reasoning was going to go.

"So you know you aren't together? At least not yet…unless you can really be ready to be the person she needs." Spencer added.

"Whose friend are you anyway? You sound more protective of Paige then you do of me!" I complained, not wanting to sit through another lecture.

"Okay well you are the one that broke Paige's heart in a million little pieces. And besides…Paige has always been one of the good guys. I regret that I misjudged her initially." Spencer

"She is still sort of close with Caleb and I agree. Paige is a great person. Not that completely ignoring you for months and months was the best way to handle what happened." Hanna added.

"So you guys really didn't have a…conjugal…visit in my apartment?" Aria inquired, looking surprised.

"I can't actually tell how you want me to answer that but no we didn't. I'm not trying to rush this! I just…"

"Want her to want you?" Hanna sincerely asked. "Maybe you should…up the stakes a little bit." She added flirtatiously.

"If she advises you to show up in five inch heels and nothing else on, just disregard her. Not that it wouldn't work…" Spencer mused out loud.

"Yeah well I'm going over to her house, so I'm not entirely sure that would go over well with her parents." A small half-truth; I knew her parents would be at work earlier in the day.

"Just wear something slutty. That is basically what we are suggesting." Aria winked at me as she said it. "Besides you have nothing to worry about. I remember the look Paige gave me when I saw her on that date with Sandra. The same one she had at the engagement party with Vanessa."

"What look?" I questioned.

"Like she was apologetic for being there with anyone but you." She explained. Hanna and Spencer looked as if they agreed as well. Nothing was going to stop Paige from leaving tomorrow, but at least I could plead my case a little more with her.

"Okay can we start looking through these bridal magazines now? Time is wasting!" Hanna gestured at the piles and the rest of us each picked up a few issues to go through. It was going to be a long few days before Hanna left again for school.

* * *

It was the last time I would see her this summer; Paige's flight back left in the evening. I had agreed to meet her around ten in the morning, when she would be wrapping up her workout. I rang the doorbell, and after a few moments she came to the door, her hair damp.

"Hey sorry I just got out of the shower." Her eyes flitted up and down as she registered my outfit. It was summer, so cut-offs and a tank top weren't exactly out of the realm of reasonable attire. And I knew Paige had a weakness for my legs.

"Are you going to invite me in?" I asked, smirking. She cleared her throat before stepping back, pulling the door backward with her.

"I was just going to make some coffee…would you like any?" She asked, turning around and walking to the kitchen.

"Sure." I said, following her.

"I'll warn you, it probably won't be Brew quality. She opened a cabinet, reaching up and barely grazing the bottom shelf.

"Damn! My dad always sets the bag too far back in the cabinet." I took a deep breath and seized the opportunity before I lost my nerve. I walked up behind her, gently touching her waist with my left hand, while my right arm reached up with hers and grabbed the bag. My breasts pressed against her well-muscled back. She tensed up, and I could hear the breath hitch in her throat. For a moment we just stood there, our bodies pressed together as if we were dancing.

Then I dropped the bag of coffee on the counter. It hit the ceramic with a padded thud that managed to break us out of the moment, her body shifting from mine.

"Thanks...for getting that." She mumbled, her cheeks flushed red. I let my hands linger on her for a moment.

"No problem." I said in her ear. I could feel her shiver as my breath hit her earlobe before I backed away. Paige started to prepare the coffee as I took a seat on the couch. After she brewed two cups, she brought them to where I was sitting. I leaned in under the pretense of grabbing my cup, and felt a burst of warmth in my stomach as I let me leg touch hers, not breaking the connection.

"Are you excited to go back?" I wasn't sure what I wanted her answer to be. She looked straight into my eyes, then briefly down to my lips before answering.

"Yes…and no. I have a whole other life there. One that feels like my real life."

"But?" I lead.

It felt like she sat her coffee mug down in slow motion, before leaning in and kissing me. Both of us had the fresh, sharp taste of sweet coffee on our breath.

"Everything but the girl." She answered honestly. I smiled, but it was a small one before I frowned again. All I could think about was her leaving. She brushed my lips with the pad of her thumb and kissed me again, this time deepening the kiss. Her tongue moved against mine and I eagerly responded, moaning into her mouth. I fumbled to set my coffee down, and in my haste to get rid of it, and get my hands on Paige's body, I knocked it over on the coffee table.

"Shit!" I said as I broke the kiss.

"Don't worry; I'll get some paper towels." She stood up and went back out into the kitchen. While she was gone, her phone lit up on the table and caught my eye. I hated that I looked, but with an iPhone it was hard not to see a new message since it flashed right on the screen. It started with "You should tell her before…" It was from Caleb.

_Tell who what? _ Was I the 'her' being referred to?

"Alright, the cleanup crew if here." Paige said, wiping the coffee off the table. She coughed.

"Sorry for getting carried away before. To be fair, you know what it does to me to see you in those shorts." Her frank acknowledgement of my efforts turned me on even more. _Slow down _I silently told myself.

"Do you mean to say I was purposely attempting to get you riled up?" I asked innocently, forgetting about the vague text message already.

"Yes, but I thought we agreed on taking things slow." She said with a smile, looking deep into my eyes before gesturing at the wet paper towels. "I mean clearly we aren't ready to have…hot coffee together right now."

"Yes that's right…I do remember agreeing to take things slow. I just wanted to make sure you still enjoyed…hot coffee." I added coyly.

"I have thoughts on the beverage. With you. But we should keep it iced for now. Maybe even with lids to be safe." She got up and threw the soiled towels away. When she came back, she looked deep into my eyes again, seemingly searching for something.

"When we are ready for this, I'll buy your place ticket myself." Paige promised.

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to." She said with such conviction I didn't continue to argue.

The rest of the hours we had left alone I mainly spent watching her pack up, fighting off the overwhelming sadness threatening to engulf me. She took a break after a couple of hours and we ate a couple of sandwiches. After that, I helped her pile her luggage next to the door. She had left a lot of things in California.

"My parents will be home any minute." She said, cupping my cheek in her hand again. We kissed one last time before I let myself out. I waited till I was in my car before I let myself cry.

I nearly made it home before I thought better of it, turning around and driving down the street to Hanna's place. I was relieved to see it seemed like she was home. I sent her a message saying I was in her driveway. After a few moments, her front door burst open and she strode purposefully to the side of my car. She took one good, long look at me.

"You look like a mess." She said. The words would have sounded harsh from anyone else, but soft and warm coming from her, as she pulled me out the car and into a hug. "Come on in, I'll make some tea." She said, wrapping her arm around me as we walked.


	13. Chapter 13

"So you threw yourself at her and she rejected you? I thought the cutoff shorts were a sure bet…" Hanna mused. I had finally cried myself out, and nearly managed a laugh at her words. Instead I just hiccupped in response.

"Hanna! It's nothing like that. I just miss her. I know I have to wait because I don't want Paige to be a rebound." Hanna handed me a glass of water, rubbing my back while I sipped it down.

"I'm sorry you're upset, but I'm proud of you for not rushing things just because she is leaving." We sat quietly for a few moments as I let it sink in. This heartache was necessary if I ever hoped to make things right with Paige. Then a thought bubbled up to the surface, something I wanted to screen with Hanna.

"There's something else…something I nearly forgot about. When she was out of the room, her phone went off with a text." I nervously started, already fearing Hanna's wrath for me checking the message.

"You checked her phone? Emily! If you want her back you can't be doing stuff like that." She sounded exactly like Spencer when it came to all things Paige.

"It wasn't like I grabbed it! It lit up on the screen. And my point is it was from Caleb. It said something about telling her before she found out." Hanna narrowed her eyes.

"Caleb? That little weasel," she seemed to pause and collected her thoughts and manners; "I mean my wonderful fiancé. I wonder what he knows?" She asked out loud.

"You mean you don't?" I pushed, hoping for any bit of information. I had a bad feeling the text was something to do with me.

"No I really don't. Caleb has always been quiet about Paige."

"Probably because he realized we would be having gossipy conversations like this one." Hanna's expression suggested this was an insightful revelation to her.

"Oh my God you are so right!" She said, dropping her hand away from my back. "You are still in recovery. How about we go out to dinner? Just the two of us? No homo." She added.

"You didn't need to add the no homo…that was understood. Let's go I'm starving." I was smiling while I said it though.

"I'm thinking Italian…regrettable amounts of carbs not to mention wine with our fake ID's." Hanna suggested, pulling me up and towards the door.

* * *

**Weeks later.**

"It's been intense. But winning last Saturday with split seconds to spare was well worth it. I think the new cap and suit are really having an impact on my ability to cut through the water…this is boring you beyond belief isn't it?" Paige asked, looking up into her laptop's camera as if she could look into my eyes through it.

"Not at all. My life consists of races and split second wins. And besides…this is about you. I could never get tired of that." I finished lamely, looking down in embarrassment at my forwardness. Her eyes widened in a mixture of shock and surprise before she dipped her head down.

"How was dress shopping with Hanna?" She asked, seeming to remember we rounded up dress shopping this past weekend, before Hanna, Spencer, and Aria left town.

"You don't even want to know. Swim caps are far more riveting."

"That bad?" She implored, smirking.

"After blowing half the weekend on looking and trying? After much bloodshed and tears? I'm happy to report we are actually wearing some half-decent silver dresses. They should look nice with the dark navy suits she said you guys will be wearing." I may or may not have imagined what it would be like walking down the aisle with Paige as a part of the wedding party. She looked like she was thinking about it too. But maybe that was wishful thinking.

"So when are you coming to visit? I still promise beaches, donuts, diners…the whole bit." She said, trying to make her voice sound light even though the intent behind her words was clear to both of us. She gestured towards the background, trying to get me to notice the calendar of beach images to cement her point about scenic attractions.

"San Francisco on the weekend?" I added to tease her.

"Well…maybe we can save that for the second time," She bit her lip and tucker her hair behind her ear, "if there is a second time. I don't want to presume anything." I swallowed hard.

"I would like if we had repeats." I realized the other connotation in my words after Paige started laughing. I blushed and chuckled myself. "Focus! What about the end of October?"

"Halloween?"

"It is Halloween at the end of October. Good memory!" I teased before adding, "I mean for me visiting? If I let school and Dana and work know soon enough I can make sure I leave on Thursday after class and come back Sunday."

"That would be perfect. Now I have to mark that on my calendar." Paige got up and grabbed a marker, marking the days. I had suggested.

"Paige! Stop writing!" I tried to shout into the mic, but wanted to be mindful of my new neighbors. Aria's apartment came complete with paper thin walls. "I don't know for sure, I have to talk it over with Dana and my boss!"

"Coach Dana and I go way back Fields. We have connections. I'm sure if you can't convince her of the merits of her assistant coach coming and gleaning information from one of the top swim programs in the nation, I can fill in any gaps to convince her." She crossed her arms in smug finality.

"And I think Dana is an adult with a brain who will know I'm not visiting you to glean top secret swim information for the Sharks…" I had talked myself into a corner again.

"So what will she think you are coming to do then?" Paige asked, trying to hide her smile behind her hand.

"Shut up. Just let me talk to her. Alright I got to go; my parents are expecting me for our weekly dinner." Weekly dinners were a requirement of me moving out, even though I still lived and worked in town. It helped my parents feel like they were still protecting their little girl.

"Okay Em. I'll talk to you later about costume ideas." Paige said, turning off the camera and signing off. The last Halloween I had spent with Paige we were so happy. Well except for the murders we were happy. But that was par for the course in Rosewood during high school.

* * *

"I'm glad to see you happy. I haven't seen you smile like this in months." My mom said, trying to load another breadstick on my plate. Her dinner was loaded with carbs, partially because she thought I need to gain more weight and partially because she said I needed to carbo-load for runs.

"Okay mom that is enough food! I am feeding myself I promise you." I said, pulling my plate away before she could add more.

"Your mom's right. You seem happy." He nodded at me and reached for his glass of water.

"I am. Also I wanted to tell you guys about something. I'm trying to plan a trip to California in late October." I looked down to take a bite of the breadstick, trying to put out a feeler to see how they would react.

"California? What's out there?" Dad asked.

"Paige?" My mom guessed; her voice low and maybe a tad hopeful. Her sincere interest in Paige warmed my heart, and made me a little more confident they would be okay with me going.

"Yes." I breathed out, just thinking about seeing her again. "We have been talking, a lot, and I wanted to visit her at Stanford. She said it would be a good time for her schedule." I flashed back to her saying anytime would be a good time to see me, no matter how busy she was.

"I think that's wonderful." My mom said, giving my dad a meaningful glance. A deliberate one that I thought was her way of encouraging him just to say yes.

"I respect you for running it past us. You are an adult and can do what you want with your time and money. Just be careful." He patted my shoulder, and I could see my mom tearing up a bit.

"Mom please stop! It's only for a few days." But I wasn't really sure that was the part she was tearing up over.

"Okay both of you keep eating. I'll pack up any leftovers so you can bring them back to your apartment." She insisted, twirling a bit of spaghetti on her fork.

Before I left for the evening, my mom stopped me by the door.

"I'm so glad you are going to see Paige again. After Alison I wasn't sure how long it would take for you to move on." She stated, clearly hoping I would elaborate on what I wanted to happen with my relationship with Paige.

"I know. I'm not sure if that will happen, but I think I'm finally ready." I reassured.

"I was never quite off the fence about Alison. She wasn't the one sending all those terrible texts and attacking you, but I could never shake the feeling she wasn't right for you." Her frank honesty on the subject surprised me. I had always gotten the feeling my mom could see some of the tension in my relationship with Alison, but she had respected me enough to leave it alone.

"I know. I don't regret the time I spent with her. But Alison and I want different things. I…I want something like what you and dad have." I added, kissing her on the cheek as I hugged her goodbye for the night.

"I want that for you as well. Let us know when you make it back safe." I told her I would, and headed out into the night. I walked over to my car. There was still a streak or two of sunlight in the dark dusk, but the moon was hanging full and heavy in the horizon. That's probably why I noticed the figure flitting through the bushes across the street towards Alison's house. It was obvious that whoever it was; they were trying to be sneaky. It gave me some bad memories to see someone sneaking around Alison's house. I quickly ducked down and ran to the side of a tree that would intersect with their path. I waited till I could hear their heavy breathing and reached my hand out, snatching the person's hoodie. Their black hoodie.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked, trying to see their eyes. But whoever it was surprised me by reaching up and pulling their hood back, revealing their face. "Jake? What are you doing sneaking over to Alison's?" He ripped himself from my grasp in one fluid motion. I'm lucky he didn't go into some kind of defensive fighting maneuver.

"Emily?" He asked. "Aria's friend right?"

"Yes Aria's friend. What are you doing sneaking over to Alison's?" I repeated, even though I had a feeling why.

"None of your business." Alison called out from her porch, her voice cutting through the air like a dagger. "Come on Jake." Alison added, waving him over.

He shrugged at me and walked past Alison to her front door. She muttered something to him while touching his arm, and he went inside. She then turned back to me.

"Stalking my guests now?" It was hard to tell if she was just being cold or wanted a reaction.

"No. But seeing someone sneaking around in a black hoodie in your lawn put me on edge." I folded my arms. "Why is Jake stopping by? I didn't think you two talked to one another. I didn't even think you knew one another."

"We didn't but things change." She looked down at the bag of containers in my hand. "Still doing dinner with your family?" She asked, softening. Only Alison could go from so cold to warm and inviting. I just hoped she wouldn't go back again. She was still looking at the food, maybe thinking about a part of her life that was over, but that she still missed. I could never tell with her.

"Yes. My mom often forgets I am not running marathons like her, and so she loads me up for the next couple days. How are you?" I asked, trying to be civil. I was also taking in her low-cut black blouse and tight jeans. She looked good.

"Good. But I need to get going." She said, turning and walking away. I called out a goodbye after her, but she just gave a cursory wave. I turned and headed back to my car, more confused than ever by the goings- on of Rosewood. Maybe it was time for me to transfer out and ditch this town anyway.

* * *

**Days Later.**

I looked around the pile of papers on the coffee table, rubbing my bleary eyes. I had a huge essay due for my Racial and Ethnic Diversity class. I started to brew a cup of strong black tea, and checked Skype again. Paige was still offline. It made sense, it was a Friday night. She was probably out somewhere with friends.

I hadn't really made friends in college. Commuting to school had saved me loads of money; money I desperately needed since my swimming scholarships fell through with my injury, but it came at the cost of my social life. Being a commuter at Hollis was like having the scarlet letter on my chest when it came to making friends. Not to mention my trust issues with strangers after everything that happened in high school.

As I was pouring the tea out of the infuser (I was becoming dangerously accustomed to Aria's fancy tea collection), my Skype window made a bleep and started flashing. I saw Paige had typed hello, and I felt a much-needed rush of adrenaline hit my veins at her being there. I dialed her so we could talk.

"Hey! How are you?" She asked, taking a sip from a bottle of water. She looked like she had been out, her makeup done slightly heavier than she usually did it for school.

"I'm busy, but good. Listen Paige…" She groaned.

"When statements start with 'listen Paige', they tend to not be things I want to hear." She mused. The image was pixilated, but she did look worried.

"I want to come see you. That weekend we talked about."

"Seriously?" She exclaimed, her eyes bright and happy.

"Seriously let's do it." I said, smiling. I was glad with the video quality that she probably couldn't see I was tearing up from a combination of joy and exhaustion.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks for your patience! I know I haven't been very consistent with updates, but I will complete the story guaranteed. **

**Once again, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or followed this story. It means a lot to know people are reading. **

* * *

The announcer was droning on, trying to maintain an objective tone, but I already had my hands up in the air in celebration. As soon as the anchor had hit the wall in the final leg, I knew the scores well enough to know the Sharks had won again.

Dana came over and hugged me hard.

"Fields! I can finish up with the cool down and recap, just get out of here and catch that plane!" I smiled and didn't hesitate to turn on my heel. It had been a home meet so I could leave early. I saw Sydney up ahead talking to another teammate. I just caught part of what Sydney was saying.

"…you mean you don't know your APE index? This is frosh soph level knowledge, let's get you measured out." She had the girl stretch out. I came up and tapped her lightly on the shoulder.

"Just remember you had to learn about the APE index too. Congratulations on today. You know I would stay for the cool down but…" I started to walk away towards the offices.

"Go get her Coach Fields!" I didn't need anyone to tell me twice, barely stopping to congratulate the Sharks I saw along the way.

* * *

"You have everything you need?" My mom asked again, glancing over as she drove with both hands firmly griping the steering wheel.

"Yes. Same answer I had the first few times."

"Do you need any money?" She asked.

"No. I've been earning tips by flashing people at the Brew." I deadpanned. She nearly swerved off the road, but she finally stopped asking if I had remembered to bring everything I needed to the airport.

* * *

Once I got to the right gate, I finally dropped into a chair and tried to relax. I was exhausted and running on pure adrenaline. I craved this for so long, even though I didn't dare admit it to myself. Being with Paige in California was a distant dream, a way to glimpse the life I could have had before the injury.

_How can I ever trust you again?_

I couldn't begin to imagine how to undo all the hurt, the pain I had caused her. A grand, romantic gesture couldn't undo the past. And I wasn't nearly as good at the stuff as Paige had been. The intercom crackled to life and announced my group could board the plane. I picked up my purse and walked up to the entrance.

When I got to my seat I noticed I was sitting next to a brown haired girl who had to be about the same age as me. She looked like she was trying to contain a big smile as she stared out the window. Her faced seemed to naturally fall into a happy expression, and she struck me as the kind of person that was always smiling even when she was sad.

"Hi." I quietly said, so I wouldn't startle her when I went to sit next to her. Her wide brown eyes seemed to take me in while her brain was miles away, lost in her thoughts.

"Hi!" She greeted me. She seemed to think a moment, and added "I'm Rachel."

"Uh yeah. I'm Emily." I hoped I didn't have someone next to me who liked to chat. Then the speaker system in the plane came on.

"Sorry but due to inclement weather landing in San Francisco, we are being advised to delay departure by at least 45 minutes." The collective groan rose up in the aisles. I pulled out my phone.

**Emily:** They are delaying departure by at least 45 minutes. That will put me there at about two in the morning.

Why had they put us all on the plane if they thought we would have to delay departure anyway? After a few moments my phone buzzed.

**Paige:** Darn. I'll have to pay the marching band and mimes for another hour.

**Emily:** That part about the mimes isn't funny. Actually none of that is funny. But thanks for being cool about it.

It took a bit for her to reply.

**Paige:** Of course. I get to see you.

Even in a text message, I could hear Paige's heart in her words. I closed my eyes and tried to doze, tried to imagine already being in her arms. Tried to imagine us working through things, even though I was trying so hard not to get my hopes up.

* * *

Something was shaking me, jolting me from my dreams and a bit of drool.

"Ma'am! You need to turn your phone off and buckle up, we are about to take off!" The stewardess clucked. I nodded and turned my phone to airplane mode before strapping in. Then I just hoped to spend the rest of the flight sleeping.

"Have you been to California before?" Rachel asked, looking a bit more forlorn as she gazed out the window. I felt drowsy and too warm. I reached up and turned the air vent above me on, relishing the cool air.

"No. It's my first time. You?" I asked, thinking she would just stop trying to make conversation after a while.

"Mine too. But San Francisco is just a layover. I'm on my way to Los Angeles to try out for a television pilot." Again she was smiling, but I could tell she was trying to make up for how nervous she seemed to be.

"Are you an actress?" I asked. Maybe a conversation would help kill time.

"I am currently on Broadway." She didn't elaborate on what show she was in. Maybe she was so minor or the show was so bad she didn't want to say. Still, it was impressive to make it all the way to Broadway.

"Broadway as in New York Broadway?" She nodded, seeming to waver between being proud and modest about her accomplishments. "That's amazing. I mean I swam in high school, but I can't imagine the courage it would take to get up on a stage in front of hundreds of people."

"The stage just feels natural to me. But we are all brave in our own way. At least hopefully, when it counts to be anyway. What brings you to California?" I could just be evasive, but then thought better of it. I would probably never see Rachel again…and something told me a Broadway actress wasn't new to being around gay people. She looked at me quizzically, and I realized I had paused for a long time.

"I'm visiting my girlfriend…well actually my ex-girlfriend who may now become my girlfriend again. It's…"

"Complicated?" She offered with a smile. I dipped my head, a little embarrassed at divulging about my relationship with Paige.

"Yes. Exactly. Mainly because of me." I could have stopped. Usually I wouldn't talk to a stranger about anything personal. But Rachel's eyes were wide and friendly. "I really screwed things up with her a few years ago…and I'm hoping this trip might help put us back on the right track."

"My friend…well more like frenemy and roommate…is gay. You actually remind me of her…though I can already tell you are probably saner than Santana." I laughed although I wasn't sure why. "If you don't mind me asking, why do you say you screwed things up?" She asked. I realized she wanted this conversation to distract her. I did too. So I talked, trying to fill her in on Rosewood and Alison and Paige. It was a long, convoluted story even when I tried to reduce the amount of murder and mayhem the complete story entailed.

By the time I had finished, the stewardess had already given us our first round of soda and pretzels. And she had come back to collect the garbage. Rachel had listened patiently the whole time, only occasionally stopping me for clarification.

"She's your Finn." She quietly assessed once I had gotten to where we were now.

"Uh…come again?"

"Sorry. I just mean you two remind me of my boyfriend…ex-boyfriend Finn."

"Have a hard time figuring out the boundaries too?"

"I guess that is one way to put it. He died." She looked down at her table tray.

"I am so sorry. That was incredibly stupid of me to presume." I wringed my hands, uncomfortable, but Rachel shook her head.

"Don't feel like you need to apologize. It wasn't a crazy assumption, we are both young. His death was unexpected, but I do wish I could go back and change our last few months together. We were broken up and always sort of assumed we would end back up together when the time was right." She cleared her throat.

"I guess what I'm saying is if you can fix things, do it sooner rather than later? Don't risk losing her again. If she's what you want." One side of her mouth turned up in bittersweet acknowledgement. She had lost the person she wanted to be with, she didn't someone else to lose theirs.

She's all I want. I didn't realize I had spoken out loud until she nodded at me.

The rest of the flight I slept a few disjointed minutes here and there, but still felt discombobulated as the plane touched down. The other passengers were trickling out at far too slow pace, and I tried to not push past them. Once we got inside the terminal, I said farewell and good luck to Rachel. Then I nearly broke out into a jog. I wanted to run into her arms.

Then I saw a rest room and thought I should at least touch myself up first.

My lip stick had come off a bit, as had some of the foundation. I readjusted, wanting to look perfect. Because from the second I saw Paige, the clock would be counting down till when I had to say goodbye again. Once I was satisfied, I continued at my frantic pace. I saw her before she saw me. She was wearing a brown suede coat that suited her, emphasizing the light blonde tones in her hair now.

She glanced up when I got within twenty feet of her. Her eyes widened in surprise but a huge smile cracked over her face.

"Em." She called out. I finally screeched to a halt, just taking in her build and demeanor.

"Paige." We hugged hard, pressing our bodies together in front of the empty food kiosks and other exhausted passengers from the long night flight. I wrapped one of my hands in her hair, breathing in her citrus scent mixed with something that reminded me of the beach. She kissed the top of my shoulder and neck, pecking them as if to make sure I was really there. We stood there far longer than we normally would have, surrounded by strangers. But they weren't all strangers. Right by one of the far doors leading to a fleet of taxis, Rachel was watching us. It seemed everything she had brought with her was in her tightly-packed carry on, seeing as she wasn't waiting for the checked luggage to be released. She didn't say anything when I made eye contact, merely smiling before pushing the door open to walk away into the night.

The metal squealed as the luggage carousel started up, yet we didn't move. Finally Paige pulled away, but I let my hand trail down her jacket sleeve till it rested firmly in one of hers. She looked down at our interlocked fingers for a moment, then back up into my eyes.

"Not letting go huh?" She asked, teasingly.

"Not this time." I whispered, kissing her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Once again, thank you for all the support via follows, favorites, and reviews. It means a lot when you take even a moment out of your day to express appreciation for a story. Originally this chapter was going to be much longer, but I decided to break it up into two. Meaning I should be posting another update with the next few days. **

* * *

Our kiss was slow but chaste, going on longer than friends would kiss but not deepening. I could still feel Paige's body pressing harder against mine before she reluctantly pulled away.

"Let's go grab your suitcase?" She whispered, gazing into my eyes before glancing over at the carousel. "It's only about a half an hour back to my place." She added.

Once we got my stuff, she took my hand and led me out in the chilly night air to grab a taxi. We got in, and after she told the driver the address, her hand met mine in the middle of the backseat. Our fingers moved against one another, tracing each other's palms. Even touching her hand made me want to pull her against me and kiss her till we could barely breathe.

But I tried to content myself with her soft, subtle touch and the scenery racing past us.

* * *

"This building right here." Paige paid the driver and grabbed my luggage, leading me through an open courtyard with honest to God palm trees.

"I can carry that." I yawned out, gesturing at my suitcase in her hand. She just smiled and shook her head.

"Don't worry about that. We are almost there and I desperately need sleep." We walked up a set of open stairs and she started to unlock her door. "So I set up an air mattress for you…" But she trailed off as she walked inside her apartment. I could see why once I poked my head in pass the entrance. There were at least seven women crowded around a coffee table, the air mattress propped up against a wall to make more room for the guests. They all turned and looked at us, most returning to their chatter but a few, particularly a blonde with a passing resemblance to Samara, eyes us suspiciously.

"Seriously Alex?" Paige asked, looking at one of the girls. The one that must have been Alex stood up and walked over, almost tripping over one of her friends.

"Shit dude I'm sorry! We had to move the party over here after the bar." The girl then turned and appraised me from head to toe. "So you must be the Emily Fields." Alex was a curvy Hispanic girl with black, thick-rimmed glasses and a black Northface jacket on. From her build, I assumed she wasn't another swimmer.

"Uh yeah I guess I am. And you must be Alex?" She nodded, still eyeing me up as if she was trying to figure me out simply by my appearance. Since walking into the apartment I had the distinct feeling of being a fish in an aquarium. I didn't like the feeling.

"That's me. Paige's roommate. I'm guessing you expected another swimmer, huh?" I smiled, realizing the shock of my face must have been apparent. She was curvier than I would expect a Division One swimmer to be. It surprised me Paige wouldn't be rooming with a teammate.

"Yeah I guess so. Not that there's anything wrong with that." I winced. "I mean, with not being a swimmer. Sorry I'm still exhausted from the trip."

"And now where is she supposed to sleep?" Paige asked while gesturing towards the air mattress propped against a wall. Alex shrugged dramatically and slowly flashed a mischievous grin, waggling her eyebrows. Paige just rolled her eyes, and it struck me these back and forth conversations were probably common between them.

"I mean…I guess…I just guess she'll have to sleep in your room with you? Again that's just a guess." Alex winked at me as she finished, shrugging and then holding her palms up in the air. I coughed to try and break up the weird tension. At least the other girls had returned to the drinking game they seemed to be playing. Then I noticed one girl, the blonde from before, looking at Paige intently.

"Hey Paige." The blonde said in a deadpan, barely smiling. She looked tense.

"Hey Anna." Paige nodded at her, but Anna was busy looking me up and down. I stuck my hands in my pockets, not knowing what to make of this exchange and the weird energy in the room.

"I mean that's fine with me? Sleeping in your room I mean." I said quietly, risking a glance at Paige out the corner of my eye. I grew afraid at her annoyed looked that she didn't want that to happen. Maybe I had misjudged her readiness to try and start something again.

"I guess that's what we'll have to do." Paige quietly said, tugging my luggage with her to a door a few feet away from the main living room. "Just try and keep it down out here?" Paige added, shutting the door behind us. She turned on a desk light, leaving the room dim, then walked a few steps inside before turning around and facing me. Her room was almost military-style neat and orderly, so different from the Paige I knew in high school who constantly lost her swim googles and DVDs in different piles of papers and books. She had a small student desk in one corner, with her laptop and a few textbooks piled next to it. The walls had a monthly calendar and one cork board with some swimming pictures, both personal and of famous swimmers Paige admired.

Her nightstand had an alarm clock and a picture of her with her parents, along with a couple of books. _Wuthering Heights_ and _Jane Eyre_. Probably for a class…I hadn't known Paige to read classics for fun. She had a queen sized bed that was made with a dark blue comforter. It looked inviting but almost too neat to touch, like a freshly made hotel bed.

"Sorry about that. I love Alex, but she seems to enjoy throwing impromptu parties whether or not we have class or I have practice the next day." She explained.

"It's fine, it's college after all. You seem upset…that I have to spend the night in here with you." Her chin was angled down, and her large eyes looked up at me from under her eyelashes, betraying nothing of how she felt about the situation.

"I just don't want to pressure you into anything. I can sleep on the floor." She quietly said. I noticed her eyes rake over my body, taking me in. I stepped closer to her, shaking my head.

"Paige…I didn't come all the way here to sleep on the couch...did I?" A burst of muffled laughter broke out from the living room, and I could hear Alex trying in vain to shush the group. Paige shook her head and looked at me with the same longing I remember from years ago.

We both stepped toward one another but her momentum won, her lips pressing against mine. The action nearly made my knees buckle, sending an electric jolt through my body. I moaned and wrapped my arms around her neck and into her hair, gripping it to keep her pressed against me. She dropped my suitcase and her arms found my waist, pushing me up against her closed door. The sound of my body softly thumping against the door caused the party out in the front room to hush down and probably gossip about us. But I didn't care.

"Em." She gasped, deepening the kiss. I started to pull off her jacket because all I could think about is feeling her skin against mine. Once I got it off I let my hands roam over her arms, appreciating the lean muscle there. She broke away from my lips, but didn't waste a second before moving to my neck, biting down to leave a hickey.

"Please Paige." I pleaded helplessly. I dropped my hands to the hem of her shirt and started to trace my way under the fabric and up her skin. Then I did something I would live to regret. Just as things were starting to heat up, as I pushed Paige back towards her bed, my body somehow remembered how exhausted I was. So I yawned. She immediately stilled against my neck, her back shuddering as she laughed.

"Did you seriously just yawn?" She asked, looking up at me and grinning. I was so embarrassed I could feel my cheeks turning red.

"It was a really long, restless flight." I mumbled, resting my head against her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

"I understand. Besides…I have way too much planned for you. And we have to be up in about three hours for practice. Let's get to bed." We both took turns brushing our teeth and changing into pajamas. I approached the bed and she was setting her alarm, and then turned out the light.

When I crawled in next to her, I was suddenly nervous again, butterflies circling the pit of my stomach. She was sprawled out, her limbs flung apart and stretched like she was in the middle of doing a jumping jack. At least the bed was a queen-size so she wasn't encroaching on my space. I was laying on my side, facing her, taking in her shadowed outline. Her long, wavy hair…the slope of her neck…the rise and fall of her chest; she was beautiful. And then her eyebrow arched, her eyes never opening.

"Come here." She whispered, and I complied, nuzzling against her and draping one arm over her stomach. Her breath seemed to catch for a moment at my touch as she drifted off to sleep, me following her close behind.


	16. Chapter 16

**Consider this the "hurray I had a snow day off from work" chapter. I love that a few of you thought the previous chapter was cute. This is still in the realm of cute, BUT there will be bumps in the road. But the good isn't as good without the bad right? Just know that this is a Paily story and a happy ending is guaranteed. **

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I bolted up, warm from sleep and shocked at the sudden noise. The alarm was going off and I felt like I couldn't have shut my eyes more than a few minutes ago. Paige was already turning it off and rolling out of bed.

"Go back to sleep, you still have a couple more minutes to rest." She rasped. I probably fell asleep as I nodded, breathing in her scent on the pillows.

"Now it's time to go." I groaned but acquiesced, knowing Dana would be eager to hear any insight I could give regarding the practice techniques of the elite swim team.

Paige had a protein bar and a Gatorade in her hands, a duffle bag hanging off one shoulder. She was dressed in some light windbreakers embroidered with the Stanford University name and symbol. And somehow that outfit looked amazing on her.

"Okay okay." I said, gathering myself to change and at least brush my teeth.

* * *

_I don't know if I can be the girl that just cheers you on from the stands._

"So uh…that wasn't my best showing. But I'm actually an amazing swimmer with a minimum of seven hours sleep." Paige bashfully admitted, wrapping a towel around her waist while grabbing another one to start drying her hair.

"If that is what you can do while sleep deprived, I can't wait to see you compete at a meet all rested up." I reassured her. She cocked her head to the side as I said it.

"That's funny…I remember you saying you couldn't be the type of girl to cheer me on from the stands." She said teasingly, though I don't think she was completely joking. I had said that when I started to pull away from her senior year.

"I was a teenager when I said that." I explained.

"And now?"

"And now I'm a twenty year old. Way older and wiser."

"I see that." She looked me up and down as she said it. I took a step towards her, only for her to shake her head and take a step back, looking around anxiously.

"Wait…you are out to your team, right?" I asked, confused at her behavior.

"Of course I am! It isn't about that…it's about…" She trailed off as a tall, light-skinned black girl approached us. The girl smirked.

"What's this McCullers? Can't come to practice without bringing your fan club?" She playfully punched Paige's shoulder and walked away. Paige hung her head, clearly blushing.

"Whatever. You all got a free day because I lost some sleep. Get ready to get whooped again come Monday." Paige retorted, but they were both smiling. She was still competitive, though I would never expect that to change.

"Ah I see your point about not flirting with you at practice." I said, stepping away. "I'll go run some more questions by your coach while you get cleaned up?" She looked into my eyes for a moment before nodding and walking away. I took an extra moment to admire the way her towel clung to her wet suit.

After getting some pointers to bring back to Rosewood, I waited for Paige outside the locker room.

"I hope they didn't tease you too much." I whispered once she came out the locker room. She smirked.

"It wasn't too bad. In fact the team is having a party on a beach near school tonight. Want to go?" She asked, taking my hand with the arm not supporting her duffle bag. I looked down at her hand in mine, and my breath caught in my throat for a moment. I'd forgotten how good it felt to simply be with her. She saw me looking at our entwined hands. "Sorry I shouldn't…is this okay? Us holding hands?" She asked.

"Of course it is. And I'd love to go tonight. I feel like seeing a beach is pretty obligatory, being in California and all."

"Great. Right now, I'm starving. We can take a walk down the main strip of food places and choose somewhere to eat?" Paige offered. I nodded eagerly. As we walked, Paige pointed out different points of interest. She seemed so happy and enthusiastic even though she was surely tired and starving for something to replenish her energy after practice. We came across a café Paige wholeheartedly recommended.

"I think I might need the caffeine to be completely honest. And you might find the coffee gives the Brew a run for its money." She said with playfulness in her tone as she glanced at me to see my reaction.

"We'll see about that." I responded coyly. We took a seat at a tiny, iron-wrought table and waited for a server to come over.

"So how's Aria enjoying her time in Europe?" Paige asked, smirking in a knowing way. I shook my head and sighed.

"At least she stopped sharing all her blog posts each night directly to Facebook. To be completely honest I was torn between being both annoyed at her spam and jealous of everything she is experiencing. For me, even being here seems like an exotic vacation." I explained. Paige tapped her shoe against mine under the table.

"I'm glad you are here. Exotic location or not." She clarified. The server stopped by and Paige put in an order for the largest coffee they had, and I put in mine for a cappuccino.

"Still drinking those?" Paige asked after my order.

The words came out naturally. "Yes. Even Ali…Alison tried to make me branch out." I winced as the smile diminished but didn't disappear from Paige's face. It seemed like I couldn't get my foot out of my mouth the past twenty four hours.

"I'm sorry…" I started, but Paige held up a hand.

"Em…you dated for her two years. It isn't like you aren't allowed to mention her. She is a part of you now." My heart seemed to melt and break at her words. I wasn't quite sure which it wanted to do.

"I just don't want to hurt you. More than I already have. I…" My words caught in my throat. Paige raised her eyebrows in a pained, longing look.

"I know we have to work on trusting one another." She reached over and held my hands in hers. "But I'm willing. I…want you Em. I have this whole time. So I know my feelings won't change." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in relief. Our drinks arrived and we broke our hands apart. Paige asked for a bit more time to look at the menu and the server said he would come back.

"How is Alison?" She asked, looking at the menu. I couldn't get a read on her mood, or even if the question was rhetorical.

"She's good I guess? I ran into Jake sneaking into her house the other night. Other than that I've barely spoken to her, especially after moving into Aria's place." Paige looked confused.

"Wait Jake? That martial arts instructor Aria was seeing?"

"It's a small world after all, especially in Rosewood." I decided on one of the sandwiches and set my menu down. After a bit Paige set hers down as well, signaling the server. Once we ordered Paige mentioned Caleb and Hanna's upcoming nuptials.

"I'm guessing that being on Caleb's side is a bit less intensive than Hanna's huh?"

"Absolutely." She grinned, "I basically just have to put on a suit and be there."

We continued our conversation till the food came, at which point Paige apologized ahead of time for being ravenous and dug in.

"Seeing you eat after a practice isn't anything new to me." I commented, raising my eyebrows in mock exasperation. "Paige you have a little sauce on the side of your face. You really are bad at this food thing sometimes." She tried to get it but kept missing.

I reached out, and brushed the pad of my thumb against the sauce and side of her full lips. She let out a sharp breath at my touch before shaking her head at herself, trying to recover.

"When this is college now…everything is…more intense." She was trying to refer to swimming and her diet, but it didn't feel like that was what her words were about. Besides holding hands it was really the only time I had touched her today, and I was caught by surprise at the unexpected surge of lust. From the way her brown eyes darkened, it seemed she felt it too. Just holding her hand earlier had gotten me wet, and I wasn't sure how or when to make a move. I just wanted her.

* * *

After walking around the campus a bit, we decided to go back to the apartment and put on a movie.

"Alex is at class right now so she won't mind if we are using the front room." Paige explained, sitting on the couch next to me.

"It's kind of cold in here, do you have a blanket?" I asked, trying to think of something, anything that might lead to us touching.

"Uh yeah, we have one right up here on top of the couch. Here we can share." Paige reached back and grabbed it, throwing it over both our legs. I moved my hand in between our bodies, under the blanket. I could practically feel my skin humming at being so close to hers. _Please pick up the signal_. I thought to myself. A moment later, I saw Paige tuck her arm under the blanket. Slowly I inched my hand to where I thought hers might be, noticing her eyes stayed focused on the screen. I felt pulled to her like a magnet. Then I felt her hand brush mine, her pinky finger stroking my thumb before entwining our fingers. We both shifted towards one another, sighing in relief.

"God Em. You don't know what you can do to me with just your hand." She whispered, meeting my eyes with hers as she said it. I cupped her cheek with my hand to keep her gaze on me.

"Actually I think I have a pretty good idea. But maybe you need a reminder?" I leaned over and kissed her before she could respond. She groaned, and instantly deepened the kiss. Now there was nothing to stop us from enjoying this oddly new yet familiar sensation. I grabbed a fistful of her hair in my free hand, pulling her against me.

She broke away from the kiss, to take a deep breath and look me in the eyes. Hers were dark with lust, it was unmistakable.

"Reminder?" She whispered. The way her raspy voice could inject one word with so much reverence broke me wide open. She sounded wanting and vulnerable and commanding all at the same time.

I shifted my hips as she touched my thighs. I was already soaked. She looked down at the blanket, thinking about something. Then she must have decided, pushing the blanket off and grabbing my hips to lift me unto her lap. I wrapped my arms around her neck and she started to kiss me again, our tongues moving against one another. Then Paige began to bite down my neck, holding me still as I began to thrust against her.

"Paige." I moaned, stroking the back of her neck. She lifted me up again and laid me down underneath her on the couch, the movie forgotten. I parted my legs by instinct and she climbed up between them to kiss me again.

"God I want you." She said in a low, hoarse voice full of emotion. She pushed up against my core and I gasped, putting my arms around her neck.

She started to kiss all around my neck and nibble my ears, while my hands eagerly roamed down her chest and stomach towards the top of her jeans. Her body had always been simultaneously soft and hard, but now she was even leaner. I started to play with her belt buckle, breaking our kiss to look into her eyes. She looked down at my hand then back up at me.

"Are you sure?" She whispered. I responded by starting to slide the buckle open, causing Paige to take in a sharp breath of anticipation. The faint sound of the metal unlatching made me slacken my pace for a moment, wanting to savor while also wanting to just take her, to take it again.

My hand slipped in her jeans, and I gently snapped the elastic of what felt like silky boyshorts. Paige's eyes were closed, her eyebrows furrowed.

I pressed my hand under the shorts, feeling a neatly trimmed landing strip. Paige let out an almost pained noise, "mmmphhhh…." as my digits just started to graze her wet center.

Then I heard something familiar, something it took my brain a moment to properly register. Paige was already sitting up and pushing me away, trying to grab the blanket again as the front door unlocked and Alex came in, whistling along with a song she was presumably listening to on the earbuds she had in her ears. Fortunately, her distracted entrance gave us enough time to adjust and get the blanket back over us.

"Oh hey guys! Got out of class early. I'll order a pizza so we can eat. Do either of you want something to drink?" Alex asked, clearly unaware of what she had nearly walked in on.

"Uh yeah I think we'll both have a beer." Paige said to Alex while looking at me. Alex disappeared into the kitchen, and I leaned against Paige, kissing her earlobe gently. We both laughed at ourselves.

"Consider me reminded of your skills. And being whatever the female term for blue balled is." She quietly said, kissing me softly on my lips.

"All good things in time, huh?" I asked, waggling my eyebrows at her.

Alex returned with three beers and we all toasted to the weekend. After Alex regaled Paige with the highlights of the party from the previous night, I decided to ask what I had been wondering since I met Alex yesterday.

"So how do you two know one another if you aren't on the swim team?" I asked, looking from Alex to Paige.

"Alex is in the Gay Pride group on campus. The vice president in fact." Paige said, tilting her beer bottle towards her roommate, who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Right. And do you want to let me tell it?" Paige just nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"And this little adorkable girl walks in the meeting, looking scared to death. I had the same look my freshman year. Even though I was out, it takes guts to walk into that room. You are alone and basically announcing yourself as gay. So I just decided to take her under my wing. She needed someone." Alex explained.

"Okay I wasn't THAT helpless of a case! I would have figured everything out." Paige protested as she drank more of her beer.

"Homo please. You needed help. You would have never met any gay ladies outside the Pride group if I hadn't been there." Paige rolled her eyes.

"So you guys have always been just friends?" I asked, feeling bad to be indicating any jealousy. I didn't know if I could handle the idea of Paige rooming with an ex-girlfriend. But Paige and Alex's laughter at my question confirmed a no even before they spoke.

"We've always just been friends." Paige reassured me, touching my knee. "And despite the occasional, unexpected party, she is my first good gay friend and a great person." Paige said, with an admiring look at her roommate.

"Aw shucks. Someone had to show you the ropes and help you figure out how to get around campus and have a life outside of swimming." The doorbell rang and Alex hopped up.

"That would be our dinner, but feel free to continue to boost my ego while we eat." She added, greeting the delivery guy and seeming to give him a generous cash tip.

They continued to tell me about the bars they frequented and some of their best going out stories as they called them. I had never seen Paige in such a casual repertoire with someone else before. I wondered how different she would have been if she had stayed in Rosewood. Stanford had seemed to boost her confidence and comfort in her own skin immensely. She was a different person now. I might fall for this Paige even harder.

"So what do you do Emily?" Alex asked. I was so involved with their stories it threw me for a loop when she redirected the conversation towards me.

"Well I go to college in Rosewood. Coach for the high school team we swam on, and then work at a coffee shop. Oh and I'm watching a friend's apartment while she's studying abroad. Nothing too special right now." I added, but Alex shook her head in disagreement.

"That sounds like an incredible amount of good work you are doing."

"Even the making coffee part?" I half-joked.

"Most people can't survive without it. Including me." She deadpanned. I laughed, feeling a bit more relaxed.

"And she is leading the Rosewood Sharks to even more wins and success. Although hopefully some of our records will stay intact." Paige added, nudging me playfully.

"Don't worry Paige your times are still on the records board." I said, rolling my eyes but grinning.

"Paige can be so damn competitive can't she?" Alex asked as she tapped my beer bottle with hers.

"Definitely."

"Okay you guys were supposed to bond over how much you mutually adore me, not how much you mutually put up with me being a winner." I quickly kissed her in response.

"No one has ever had to put up with you. You're amazing." I quietly said.

After eating, Paige suggested we change and go catch the bus to the beach. It was a warm, nearly balmy night as we walked to our destination.

"It's not like a decked out party bus or anything, just something to transport us all so there aren't a bunch of students trying to drink and drive." She explained.

"So it's just a regular school bus." I commented as we got on. Some of Paige's teammates were on there already, and they shouted her name as she walked on, whopping excitedly.

"You are quite popular here Paige McCullers." I said. We grabbed a seat together, and Paige let her hand rest on my thigh.

"Yeah well they are being cool and nice now. They were grilling me pretty hard about the hot girl that accompanied me to practice." I blushed, looking down. "Of course they were right about her being hot." She added, pulling me into yet another kiss that made me forget everything but us.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the well wishes. BTW I paid for that snow day by spending about 30 minutes digging my car out of its spot yesterday morning, thanks to the 12+ inches of snow and drift caused by the city plows. Oh well I survived. **

**Okay for real this will be the last super-fast update for a bit (I had most of this chapter written ahead of time). That being said, back to the drawing board and I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. **

**Oh! And thanks for the review mentioning Paige being happy and settled in at Stanford. I felt bad that I gave the indication earlier in the story that she didn't have a full life in California without Emily so I'm happy to see these chapters have helped clarify what I had in mind. **

**Anyway less explaining and more story!**

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The final embers of sunset were still painting the sky by the time we got to the beach, but night was settling in quickly. I couldn't keep my hands off Paige the minute we got to the beach, and she seemed more than happy to invite and reciprocate my touch as we drank some kind of rum cocktail one of the team captains had concocted. I was proud to be on Paige's arm, and she in turn seemed honored I was there with her.

There was a huge bonfire going, but after mingling with the group and letting our hands graze for hours, neither of us acknowledging how we moved closer so our shoulders and arms were touching, Paige leaned over to me.

"I have something I want to show you." Paige said quietly, breathing the words into my ear. It turned me on to have her get so close and I agreed, letting her pull me up from the beach towel. She grabbed the towel, shaking it a bit and taking it with her.

"McCullers where are you going?" Her teammates Lisa asked.

"The tree nook." She replied cryptically, although Lisa nodded in understanding. We walked about a quarter mile away, up a steep and sandy path on a hill. When we got to the top, Paige led me through some trees, and we emerged at the edge of a twenty to thirty foot cliff overlooking the beach and party. She laid the blanket down and we sat next to each other again, the angle allowing us to see down, but the trees secluding us from the rest of the party.

"This is beautiful." I said, gazing down at the bonfire from our vantage point.

"Yes it is." Paige assured. I turned to look at her and realized she had been looking at me when she said it. I decided to tease her a bit.

"I'm sure this is where you bring all the girls huh?" Two things happened at once. I saw a flash of brief panic in her brown eyes as I moved closer and leaned in to kiss her. The expression had happened so quickly I almost didn't catch it, because as I pulled away from our kiss she had a lazy grin on her face. She hadn't realized I was joking at first.

I noticed the hopeful look in her eyes, the way my heart was beating faster, and decided I didn't really care if she had brought someone else up here once. I was here with her now. I was hers if she wanted me still.

"Is this okay?" I asked, cupping her cheek and brushing her lips with my thumb. She nodded as she leaned in to kiss me, this time our kiss deepening as her tongue flicked expectantly at my lips. I opened my mouth and deepened our kiss. One hand grabbed her hip and the other landed on her chest. I could feel her heartbeat quickening and felt myself falling in love yet again. We still had an incredible effect on one another.

As we made out, pressure started building. I needed some kind of release. I needed to be closer. I broke away from our kiss, moving so I was sitting in her lap. I wrapped legs around her waist, pressing my center as tight as I could against her torso.

"Paige…" I purred, running my hands through her hair as we began to kiss again. Her strong hands and arms wrapped around me, holding me against her and running up and down my back, moving between gripping my hair and stroking my neck and ears.

I started to grind down against her, moving slow at first but then faster as I felt her hips starting to rise and meet mine in an unmistakable rhythm. I let my hands wander down to her front, lightly moving against her chest and stomach.

"We shouldn't do this here, right? We could get caught..." I reasoned, even as I was trying to unbutton her shirt. She seemed to nod in agreement as she lifted my shirt off, exposing my bikini top. A complete normal attire for a beach party.

Paige left one hand at the small of my back to keep me from falling backward, as the other wandered to grab one of my wrists. She pressed my own hand against the outside of my shorts. I nearly fainted when she moved my hand and silently encouraged me to touch myself through my own shorts.

"I can tell you need it, but you're right; someone could come find us any moment…" I moved my hand faster against the outside of my shorts. They were thin, flimsy material and I could almost feel my soaked panties through them. Soaked panties I wanted Paige to pull off with her teeth, voyeurs be damned.

"Do you want to come?" She asked in my ear. Do I want to come? I was nearly there just imagining what Paige might do to me, the beach breeze caressing our skin and the party below us and oblivious. I nodded, too far gone. My breath was ragged as I imagined Paige taking me right now.

"Say yes please." She commanded, not roughly but calmly. Like a directive she expected would be followed without dispute or hesitation. Her fingernails were now lightly scratching up and down my back.

"Yes please." In one swift and smooth maneuver, Paige lifted me and laid me down on top of the blanket. Then she lied flush on top of me. She grabbed my hand again and slipped it under my shorts and swim bottoms. I couldn't believe the waves of electric pleasure that coursed through my body. I started to touch myself as she started to grind down on me, panting and moaning. Every time her leg bumped against my center, my hand put more pressure on where I needed it most.

She watched my reaction, and our eyes locked as we moved against each other again and again. I could feel myself starting to tremble. I started to close my eyes but Paige touched my cheek and told me no.

"Look me in the eyes." I obeyed and started to feel the pressure build to an impossible level, her pace steady and deliberate. Finally one more brush against my slippery clit and I was done, convulsing under her. She seemed to come too, just from grinding against my leg. We kept eye contact for a few moments more before she grinned and leaned down to kiss my neck.

"That was crazy." I said, even as I pulled her down so her face was nestled against my neck. We both started laughing at ourselves.

"I can't believe I came just from that." Paige quietly mused. "Only you could do that to me Emily Fields." She added, kissing my neck. We laid against one another, recovering from our mutual orgasms. Finally Paige raised her head and looked into my eyes.

"We should get back down to the party." She suggested, grabbing my shirt and hand it to me before buttoning up her own.

"Good point. Won't your teammates rib you for this?"

"Rib me for what? We were just enjoying the view up here…" She smirked, kissing me slowly.

We walked back to the party in a comfortable, post-coital silence and I was struck by a sudden, inexplicable stab of sadness. I tried to understand where the feeling was coming from? It was sad I only had one more full day with Paige. But it was bigger than that.

Even though I was getting my life together in Rosewood, this is what I could have had. If I hadn't injured myself, this could have been us every weekend. If I hadn't been so entranced by Alison, so relieved to realize she really hadn't been the enemy.

"Hey what's wrong?" Paige asked, noticing me frowning at my thoughts.

"It's stupid…I was just thinking this could have been us for the past two years. I'm barely getting myself together, and you seem so much happier now than you ever have." I explained, looking up at Paige. She shook her head.

"Em…don't do that. Everything that's happened…it's led us back to one another. Maybe if you'd come here with me, we would have broken up. Maybe we wouldn't be the same people. Maybe you would have still been thinking about Alison…" She added, the last part barely above a whisper as she looked down.

"No Paige…" I teared up at the thought of her still thinking she was the second choice.

"I know you loved her. She's a part of who you are. I mean when I say that everything has led us back. Including your relationship Alison." She said it firmly and without a note of bitterness. "All I care about…is you being here with me now." She added.

"You're right." I said.

"I almost always am." I quickly kissed her, both surprised and relieved at how quickly she could dismantle the sad mood I had briefly fallen in. We walked back to the bonfire, ready to appreciate the rest of the party and our time together.


	18. Chapter 18

**Once again, thanks for taking time to respond and react to the story. These chapters have been pretty fun and light but there is more drama ahead. After all, "the course of true love never did run smooth." **

* * *

I woke up slowly, half sure I might just go to sleep again. But then I opened my eyes wider, not quite sure where I was. I felt spoiled to not wake up to the sound of an alarm blaring, or knowing I had to go to work or school. I was facing the edge of the bed. I looked around at a desk, a picture. Then I remembered where I was, and rolled over. Paige was lying right next to me, her head propped up by one arm as she gazed at me. Sunlight was streaming in and I could swear she never looked more beautiful or happy. And although I had realized California was a big part of that, in this moment I felt like I was a part of it too.

"Hey." She said. I met her eyes, reaching out to trace the outline of her body with my hand.

"Hey yourself." I offered, drawing her into a quick kiss. That quickly became a longer kiss before Paige pushed away from me.

"Easy tiger. I had a different idea of a physical activity we could do this morning." She suggested, arching an eyebrow.

"Really? And what's that?"

"Well today is my active rest day from swimming, but I should still be conditioning myself. And since you got into running…I thought maybe we could go for a light jog around campus together?"

"Yeah right. I don't think you understand the idea of light jog." I said sarcastically.

"Neither do you. But we don't have to make it a race…" I just rolled my eyes in response before standing up and stretching.

"Let's do it."

* * *

We were proving to be quite the formidable opponents for one another. Despite the fact Paige was constantly training for swimming, I had an advantage in focusing on running and being a natural athlete. We ran all over the campus, passing buildings old and new as most people just began to start their days. Once we got to the sunny main quad, Paige pulled in the lead as we ran past students trudging along to weekend study sessions with their backpacks on.

Paige nearly ran into one student she didn't see, shouting a ragged, breathless apology, "Sorry but this crazy woman is following me…I simply must keep going!"

I started pumping my arms more, hoping they would propel me to passing her. Just as I was starting to inch past her, she broke into a jog and finally a walk. I quickly followed suit, screeching to a halt near a stone arch walkway, overhanging off the side of one of the buildings.

"Is there a reason we are stopping that isn't because I was gaining on you?" I asked between sputtering breaths. Paige was resting her hands on her hips, trying to regain her own breath.

"Well, two reasons. For one there's this…" She reached out and grabbed my hands, forcefully pulling me under the arch and against a supporting pillar. We were isolated by the shadows and the main quad being relatively empty. Our lips crashed against each other, tongue and teeth clashing as we fought for dominance in a completely different way. Soon my hand was ghosting up and down Paige's thigh, clad only in tight yoga pants that, when coupled with her ass, had given me reason to let her run in front of me half the time.

"Fuck Em. I'm so wet." She panted, her voice filled with a pained desire for my touch. I reached behind her leg and grabbed her ass, pulling her flush against me before craning my head down to lick the side of her neck. Her skin was salty with sweat, which only turned me on more. She grabbed my chin and kissed me again, biting my lip.

"Enough. We still have to get back to my apartment." She commanded. I broke away from her embrace, grinning smugly.

"What else?" I asked.

"What else what?"

"You said that was one reason you wanted to stop here, what's the other?" I asked.

"Oh! There's a drinking fountain." She said, pointing at the fountain I hadn't noticed earlier.

"Good enough reason as any…" I said, taking a sip.

When we got back to Paige's apartment, Alex was either still asleep or out somewhere. Paige came up behind me, gently wrapping her arms around me.

"Why don't you hop in the shower first, and I can start making us breakfast?" I smiled, leaning back against her body.

"You can cook breakfast now?" I said trying to look over my shoulder and give her some side eye. Not that I was one to judge, but Paige's cooking often left something to be desired. Namely fat and taste.

"Okay for starters I was always able to cook, and I think you will find I'm quite skilled in many areas." She said while letting her hands slowly slide down my stomach and rest against the top of my shorts. I didn't need any more motivation. I wanted to get clean and ready. I wanted Paige today.

* * *

When I got out of the shower, Paige had two omelets waiting on the table, with coffee and orange juice. She had even put a few flowers in the vase in the middle of the table.

"You had time to grab the flowers?"

"There's a store right down the block. And I remembered you tend to take long showers. Here I'll get that." She said as she pulled my chair out. I took a sip of the coffee before digging into the food.

"Paige this is fantastic." She smiled, seemingly to genuinely take to the compliment.

"Thanks! I've gotten better." She said between her own bites. She cleared our plates before excusing herself to shower. I checked my phone for any work or school emails I needed to respond to immediately. There were not. Only some text messages from Spencer and Hanna trying to see how the weekend was going, and how Paige was now. There was one from Hanna insinuating that we could do whatever we wanted as long as we kept it together during the wedding. I replied to each of them letting them know Paige was wonderful and I was enjoying myself.

I went into Paige's room and laid against her pillows, breathing in her scent. I remembered the stack of novels next to her bed, and decided to crack open a copy of Jane Austen's _Persuasion_. I sat back against her pillows, overpowered by her scent everywhere. I had recently read _Pride and Prejudice_ for class, and had been surprised by how much I enjoyed the novel. I noticed Paige had highlighted portions of _Persuasion's _text, occasionally writing a one-word reaction or drawing a star next to something important. One page was dog-eared and worn, and I noticed a passage was highlighted and starred. I read it:

_I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant._

Was this highlighted just for class or was she thinking about us when she read it?

"You weren't too bored were you?" I glanced up and saw Paige standing in her doorway, casually leaning against it. She had dressed, but her hair was still damp from the shower.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, while making a come hither gesture with my finger.

"Not long. _Persuasion_ huh?" She sat on the bed next to me. I was hyperaware of our proximity, my body starting to tingle at how close we were to touching.

"I figured why not? Besides, if the worn pages and highlighting are any indication, it's one of your favorites." I suggested, leaning over her to set the book back down on her nightstand. As I started to pull myself back, Paige held my arm, keeping me hovering above her. I almost asked what she was up to, until I noticed the earnest look of desire in her eyes as she looked from my eyes down to my lips.

"Do you want...I mean..." She started.

"Yes. I want." I replied, tucking my hair behind my ear before leaning down to kiss her. The room was quiet except for the rustling of the covers as we started exploring one another, but it was soon joined by small moans and gasps. Paige's body against mine, knowing we weren't going to be disrupted, was like hearing a favorite song from years ago. My memories of her simply did not do the feelings justice.

We went fast and slow in spurts, quickly removing each other's tops. Her strong hands ran up and down my body as I did my best to lick and nip at her exposed, creamy flesh. Soon Paige had my bra unhooked. Before she let it drop to the ground, she brought her mouth to my ear and grabbed some of my hair with her hand.

"I know what you need and I want to give it to you." She whispered. I mewled as she let the bra drop; covering cupped my breasts with her hands instead. I was sitting on Paige's hips, not yet rocking against her, wanting to savor this delicious, wet feeling.

"Paige-" I began, my words swallowed by a moan when her tongue brushed against my hardened nipples, her hands moving further down, lightly scratching my stomach. I was soaked, helpless. She rolled us over so I was on my back against her crisp sheets.

One of her bra straps fell down, hanging off her shoulder. I reached up, and she allowed me take her bra off. Then we were both completely topless. She made short work of the shorts I was wearing, running her hands and tongue up and down both my legs.

"Are you sure?" Paige murmured, her index finger moving agonizingly slow, up and down the side of my panties. Nearly there, but not quite touching me where I needed it the most. "I've missed you." She added, nearly groaning the words.

"I've missed you so much Paige." I said, feeling an overwhelming flood of warmth coursing through me. She was being so sexy yet so gentle, the combination a powerful aphrodisiac. She slid my panties down and off my legs. This time when her hands came back up my legs, she started to explore my soaked center.

"You're so wet." She whispered reverently, slipping inside me easily.

"That's what you do to me." I managed to say before she started moving in and out. I couldn't remember ever being more turned on. I bunched her sheets up in my fists when she started to curl her fingers, hitting a spot that had longed for such attention. I pulsed and tightened around her as she started to move faster.

I tried to use my wherewithal to pull her lips down against mine, enjoying her body laying flush against me, her muscles flexing as she set a rhythm.

"I need to taste you." Her mouth left kisses down my body, before her tongue took a first long and assured swipe against my folds. I squirmed against the sensation of her wet, hot tongue moving through my most sensitive area. Soon she began a confident pace, brushing her tongue against my clit in time with the stroke and curl of her fingers inside me. It struck me that this was light years better than high school, her hesitant touches replaced with a precise, skilled ability. But that moment burst away as the pleasure became too much to bear, and all I could see were stars as I cried out and convulsed under her ministrations. I cried so loud she half covered my mouth with her free hand.

* * *

I woke up minutes later, but it felt longer. Again I woke to Paige gazing at me, barely able to hide her grin.

"Why are you smiling like that?" I said in a sleep-coated voice, slowly coming to my senses. She stroked my hair with her hand.

"Hm…maybe because I just slept with a goddess?" I grinned back, before rolling so I was on top.

"We are just getting started." I said. She had been sitting up, but she settled down as I gently pressed my hands against her stomach. I could feel her ab muscles clenching under my hand.

"Fuck you are so hot. I am so lucky." I murmured. She grabbed my hand and pressed it against her mound. I could feel her wet heat through her flimsy boyshorts.

"We're both lucky. To feel this…to have this together." She whispered, before her eyes rolled back as I pushed her shorts to the side and entered her. She was slick, her walls accepting my fingers with an almost greedy anticipation. I started to move as she started to grind down on my fingers and palm. I used my thumb to start rubbing against her throbbing clit. I would soon replace it with my tongue; but I wanted to savor how beautiful she looked, writhing under me.

"Em…please…" She pleaded.

"Please what?" I asked. She rolled her hips against me hard, unable to form the words she needed to say.

"Please go down on me." She mumbled before grabbing the headboard behind her for support. I pulled her underwear off and obliged.

She tasted clean, almost scentless except for a salty hint that I eagerly sought out with my tongue. I eventually employed my unoccupied hand with holding her hips down as she frantically moved. Eventually, she held that hand tight with her own before coming hard, throbbing repeatedly against me as I stilled and let her recover. I licked my fingers triumphantly before curling up next to her.

"You are incredible." She mumbled, taking me into her arms.

"I needed that. With you. This feels like a dream." I tried to explain, nuzzling against her. We would still need to talk about our feelings, about where we saw this going. If we could do long distance. But for now I just left myself rest against her.

"It's our dream." She agreed. Our hearts slowed to a matching, steady rhythm as we rested in each other's arms.


	19. Chapter 19

**Once again thanks to everyone who is reading, especially to those of you who take the time to review. **

* * *

Paige's alarm clock indicated it was a little after six. The sunlight streaming through the room was slowly being replaced with shadows. Paige took a sip from a bottle of Gatorade we were sharing. We had gained sustenance from sports drinks and strawberries dipped in whipped cream.

"I've never actually done the food thing before. But they do it in movies sometimes. It seemed like the most convenient way to keep having sex and not starve to death." She had quipped as she fed me a strawberry.

"Okay I know it is supposed to be sexy to feed one another, but it is messy and a little weird. I think we should just eat the fruit like…the normal way." I said, grabbing the berry from her outstretched hand.

"So eat them the non-sexual way? Suit yourself." She joked, eating one herself.

"There's a little cream…" I reached out and brushed the side of her lips with my thumb. She kissed my thumb, her tongue flicking out against it.

"No. We need real food. We need to put clothes on." I warned sternly, getting the inkling Paige was ready to go again. I could already tell I would be sore for days from the muscles stretched and flexed during our marathon lovemaking.

"I mean we already saw the campus and everything…" She pleaded. I shook my head, wanting to explain my intentions.

"I want to take you to dinner." I admitted, taking her hand and letting my fingers run over her veins.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" She teased, turning her hand over and stroking my palm with her fingers.

"Yes. I want to take you on a real date…but you choose the place since I don't actually know where anything is here." I explained.

"Okay. But if we are going to abandon this paradise and rejoin the real world, however briefly, I'm going to need something…" Paige trailed off as she started to trace my bare thigh with her hand.

"Seriously? Again?" I asked, incredulous at both her stamina and my rising desire to let her have me again. I realized it wasn't always going to be this frantic and frequent, but her talent in bed had exceeded my highest expectations and fantasies.

"I can go slower this time. I just need you again before I put on clothes and pretend I can think about anything else." I parted my legs and she took me again, this time slow and gentle. She stayed against me, our foreheads resting against one another as I gave myself over to her.

She pumped in and out of me, occasionally nipping at my neck in ears, her breath warm against me. I wrapped my legs around her hips, opening up even wider to her. She pulled back and looked in my eyes, her own filled with an emotion we had once felt so strongly for one another. Maybe we always had.

"Emily…" She said, before slowly leaning down to capture my lips again. I tightened against her hand, sure that she was feeling this too. I was going to come undone in her arms again.

"Paige." I whispered back. I wanted to tell her but worried it was too soon, that I would scare her away if I started trying to tell her how I really felt. I closed my eyes as another orgasm rolled through me.

* * *

An hour later we were in a tiny French bistro, the room dark and intimate, with a candle burning on our table. We had both dressed up for the occasion, with Paige wearing a suit, and me in a short dress I knew she liked.

"Expensive tastes huh?" I asked, noting that the place looked upscale compared to most places on college campuses.

"This place is perfectly reasonable. And the most romantic place I could think of on campus. Plus I am going to need some quality nourishment if we keep going at this rate. I haven't even used any toys on you yet." She hung her head as she talked, but her eyes confidently met mine while she spoke. At least the candlelight prevented the server from noticing I was beet-red from shock at Paige's suggestion…and how turned on the thought made me.

Our conversation stayed light at dinner. I thought about broaching the subject of what we were now, but got scared each time. We were having such a fun time and our exchanges felt so natural, I didn't want to disrupt the flow by asking what I so badly wanted to know. But then Paige insisted we order a piece of the chocolate cake to split for dessert, so I finally decided to try.

"Paige? I'm having a really wonderful time being here with you." She bowed her head a little.

"Thanks. I love having you here." She took my hand and stroked it reassuringly.

"I was just wondering if you…I mean if this is something…you want. In a more official capacity." I couldn't believe how nervous I was. But the thought of Paige rejecting me made me nervous. I had no claim on her, but I wanted her nonetheless.

She looked in my eyes, seemingly trying to figure something out, before leaning in and kissing me chastely. When she pulled away, she looked happy but thoughtful.

"Yes." She stated.

"Yes?" I repeated, not sure I heard her right. That despite being a bundle of nerves the whole night, we were on the same page.

"Yes. I want to be with you. I know this won't be easy, but Em…I don't want anyone else. I…" Her voice was thick with emotion, but she paused as the server dropped off the cake with two forks. She seemed like she had been about to tell me something, but instead handed me my fork and began to eat.

* * *

When we got back to her apartment, Paige pulled me in the door and kissed me slowly. An intimate kiss I could relax into. She was mine. I was hers. At least we had filled ourselves up on bread, wine, and pasta. I had a feeling we needed carbs to keep going at the rate we had been the whole afternoon.

"I want to try something." She whispered.

"Okay." I was nervous but already, somehow, aroused again despite going at it for hours that day.

"Do you trust me?" She asked, her voice husky and low, and I could feel her tracing my outline with her hand, something silky in it.

Suddenly, a memory surfaces.

_Emily, you can trust me with your life. There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect you._

"I trust you with my life." I whisper hoarsely, caught again between feelings of lust and longing for the security of being hers again. Her hands froze at my words though, the moment becoming charged in an emotional way, though I wasn't sure why.

"I'm not sure I deserve that level of trust from you anymore." She said in a quiet, pained voice. I turned around and wrapped my arms around her, stroking the back of her neck with one hand and cupping her cheek with the other. She searched my eyes for something. This was the time.

"I love you Paige. I screwed things up with you years ago. I'll never make the mistake of hurting you again." My voice cracked as I teared up, but Paige leaned forward and kissed me at that point anyway.

"I've always been yours Em. I love you too." She pulled me against her again and we kissed longer and slower this time. I started to pull off her suit jacket just as she reached behind me and started to unzip my dress. Our mouths clashed as we ripped off each other's clothing. I accidently tore the sleeve on her button up shirt and she shredded my flimsy lace panties.

I tried to get off her pants, but only succeeded at unbuttoning and unzipping them, pushing them down her thigh muscles to gain access to her center. We fell onto the bed and entered each other with a swift determination to fill and be filled. Instead of crying out, she bit at my shoulder and I scratched her back. She drew back from my shoulder let out a moan at my scratching.

"I'll do whatever you want." I whispered. She moaned against my neck.

"I want us to come together." She said through gritted teeth. And even though we didn't quite hit the goal of coming together, the experience was somehow the most intimate of the entire day. After recovering, we both shed any remaining clothes and curled up together.

"That was…"

"Intimate?" I offered, stroking Paige's muscled stomach.

"Yeah. I mean it feels even better, knowing we are together." She was absentmindedly running her fingers through my hair as I cuddled against her.

"I completely agree. I really don't want this weekend to end." I added, kissing her neck.

"It will, but we are just getting started. I promise to stretch my holiday visits as long as I can." She assured me. I was proud of the life I was building for myself, but I couldn't wait to share more of it with Paige.

"I don't even want to go to sleep." I admitted. I wanted to relish every last moment we now had.

"You have to. We can get breakfast in the morning. And then hopefully spend part of the afternoon the same way we did this one before I drop you off at the airport." She hinted, tracing the curve of my hips before cupping my ass for emphasis.

"Pretty sure of yourself." I teased. She grabbed my face and kissed me roughly.

"I have developed a pretty healthy level of confidence in my abilities in the bedroom and otherwise." Despite my desire to not go to sleep, I drifted off in my girlfriend's arms quickly after our conversation.


	20. Chapter 20

**Wow guys. Thanks again for all the reviews and follows! I'm interested (and a little nervous!) to hear your thoughts on this one. **

* * *

I woke up with a sense of unease. I tried to place where I was and why I would feel so anxious right away. Then it hit me. I was leaving back for Rosewoodthis evening. Paige's warm, strong arms were wrapped around me, anchoring me to the comfort she provided. I snuggled back against Paige's body and was rewarded with her softly moaning and holding me tighter.

"Good morning. What time is it?" Her voice was hoarse with sleepiness.

"Time for that breakfast place you kept raving about yesterday…"

"You make it sound like we spent way more time talking than we actually did." She quipped and I started laughing. I turned in her arms and lightly stroked her earlobe, knowing it was a particularly sensitive part of her body and usually commanded her attention.

"Do I have to leave today? I mean are you sure you guys can't use another assistant coach or physical therapist that doesn't actually have a degree yet?" I joked, kissing her cheek before moving to her neck. I heard her take in a sharp breath.

"Not sure if there are any openings…what about personal masseuse who gives happy endings to a particular team member?" She asked suggestively, stroking the curve of my hips.

"So sex slave huh?" I distracted her by biting down on her neck while I grabbed a throw pillow to hit her with.

"Well you could make coffee too and we can just call you a barista for professional purposes." The pillow made a satisfying, soft thumping noise against her head. She looked so shocked at my sneak attack I burst out laughing.

"Point made. Come on. Let me take you out to the best brunch place on campus." She said, pulling me off the bed.

* * *

"Hey where has Alex?" After Friday I don't remember seeing or hearing Paige's roommate at all.

"We kind of have an understanding. If she was there, she was in her room with headphones on. But she probably just made herself scarce altogether. As I have done for her many, many times." Paige explained.

"So you two have a system? Implying…that this is something you guys have done often?" I asked. I had realized after yesterday Paige had surely slept with a few girls since our breakup; she seemed much… surer of herself. Experienced.

"It might have come up a few times." She said, her voice wavering a bit. "Here we are." She said, guiding me by the small of my back into the restaurant.

We were seated right next to a large window looking out at the busy street. The place was busy and a line seemed to be starting to get in. After a bit, a server came up and handed us the menus. When he glanced at Paige, he did a double take and recognition flashed across his face as he smirked.

"I'm Matt and I'll be taking care of you two today." As he turned to me he asked if I had ever been here before…then looked at Paige and added that he knew she had been here before. She blushed and nodded. After we each ordered coffee, I tried to read Paige's expression.

"What was that about?" I inquired, arching an eyebrow.

"I come here a lot, so hence the staff tends to comment when they see me again." She explained, before suggesting I take some time to figure out what I wanted.

"We need to strategize." Paige explained, her excitement abundantly clear. I decided it would be fun to mess with her a little bit.

"What we order for breakfast?" I asked, purposefully acting confused.

"Yes! Like I get something sweet and you get something savory, and we can split. We should also get an appetizer."

"I don't know that seems like a lot of work. You obviously know what's good here, so I'll probably just order the same thing you do." I said, glancing up quickly from the menu to relish her look of annoyed panic.

"Em that makes no sense. We have to get different things and share."

"You are in college Paige. This is very childish behavior for a nice breakfast place such as this. Are you going to start drinking the creamer cups next?" I asked, gesturing to the tiny plastic cups of half and half. By now I was actively trying to hide my smile behind the menu. I could tell the instant she caught on to my game, her wide eyes slowly narrowing as it clicked.

"I see what you're doing. Well played Fields."

"Are we going back to a strictly last name basis McCullers? Even after the day we spent together yesterday?" I touched my foot against her leg underneath the table, slowly moving it up and down her calf. She exhaled loudly, shaking away a distracted look.

"Yesterday's history. Today's a mystery." She quipped. She started moving her foot against mine. "But maybe you could remind me about yesterday once we get back to my place?" She asked in a low voice. The waiter came back to drop off the coffee as we were playing footsie, clearing his throat to try and make his approach known to us.

After we ordered, we both started laughing at ourselves.

"We are acting like teenagers. Even worse…maybe even preteens." I commented, and Paige just crooked her head, resting it in one hand as she looked at me.

"I don't mind."

Paige had failed to make me properly understand the portions the restaurant provided. We would definitely not need to eat again today after consuming all the eggs and waffles in the entrees.

"This is good food." I admitted. Paige nodded in agreement before standing up.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Don't even think about picking up the check." She added, rubbing my shoulder affectionately as she walked past. I checked my phone and noticed there were messages from Hanna and Spencer. Of course.

**Hanna:** Feel like a brand new woman yet? It will be extra cute when you guys walk down the aisle together in the wedding!

**Emily:** This is going to sound stupid but I feel like a brand new woman and like an old version of myself...I'll call when I get back.

**Hanna:** You have a flair for the poetic. Maybe you picked that up through osmosis by living in Aria's place.

**Spencer:** I'm happy for you two.

I saw movement out the corner of my eye, and went to put my phone away as Paige sat back down.

Only it wasn't Paige.

At first it took me a moment to place the blond, and then I remembered the party Alex was having when I first got to Stanford.

"Oh hey. Are you…Anna?" I asked, a little confused. She looked around conspiratorially, trying to make sure we weren't going to be overheard.

"Yeah. Listen I know this isn't my place to tell you, but that Paige," she then gestured towards the direction of the bathrooms, "is NOT the same Paige you were high school sweethearts with." A warm, wet bloom of anxiety started creeping through my stomach.

"What do you mean?"

"Did she tell you she never loved anyone else? That she had always been thinking about you?" She looked antsy, clearly not wanting Paige to see us talking. But she also didn't sound vindictive. She sounded like a secret was about to burst if she didn't just tell it. I could understand that feeling better than most people.

"Yes." I helplessly agreed, afraid but not knowing why. What was this girl trying to tell me? Anna flinched at my admission, slightly deterred but not dissuaded.

"Fuck. I'm not telling you this to hurt you, but I feel like you should know. Paige and I were engaged." I gasped out a breath. I felt a burst of nausea hit me. I felt numb. I realized Anna had continued and I wasn't paying any attention in my daze.

"I'm sorry what?" I breathlessly asked.

"We were engaged. She broke it off. And then proceeded to…well…sleep around. A lot." I gulped, trying to formulate thoughts but my brain was processing at too slow a rate.

"How do I know you aren't lying to me?" I mumbled. I knew it was the truth. I was much better at detecting when someone was telling the truth. She held her hands up in surrender, shaking her head slowly.

"I have no claim on her. I'm not jealous, I'm not spiteful. And I knew about you. I knew she was hung up on someone from back east. You…you seem even nicer than she made it sound." She nervously added before jumping up quickly enough to make the table wobble a bit in her wake.

And now I could see why she bolted out.

"Hey sorry it took so long; there was a line back there. Did the check come yet?" It had; it was sitting on the edge of the table. It must have come while Anna was talking to me.

"Paige. We need to talk." I said, trying to control the raging sea of emotions pounding through my chest. Paige's smile faltered; she looked puzzled at my change of mood.

"Em what…" She glanced towards the door and saw Anna walking out. "Oh. I guess we do." She grimaced in her realization.

"It wasn't true, was it? The stuff she just said?" I thought I knew it was the truth; but maybe it wasn't. The line was pretty blurry half the time.

"I…I mean…that depends on what she said." She stuttered, fumbling to place her card in the book holding the check.

"Were you engaged to her?" I quickly asked, the words hard to space in my haste to get the question out. Paige looked down, hanging her head before glancing briefly into my eyes. The fact she didn't immediately respond to the contrary told me it was true before she did. She looked like she was in physical pain as she tried to will herself to speak, opening and closing her mouth a few times before replying:

"Yes."


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys, thanks for the feedback and all the reviews from the previous chapter! Believe it or not, I've just been pretty busy lately so this wasn't an attempt to create a long, dramatic cliffhanger. Well it was a dramatic cliffhanger, but not intended to be so long between chapters. All the reviews anxiously awaiting the next chapter warmed my heart in a weird way; it feels good to have a strong response to your writing like that. **

**Thank you to everyone that has stuck with this story, and I will try and update a little bit quicker next time. **

* * *

"_Now it's your turn." Paige looked up at me, a little fearful._

"_Shana?" I asked, arms crossed. _

"_Em…" She closed her eyes, seemingly exasperated already. We were just getting started._

"_No. We can't be half honest. I saw the way you two looked at one another." I couldn't have Paige lying to me too. _

"_We dated. This summer. While you were in Haiti. Three weeks." She shrugged; trying to emphasize it wasn't a big deal in her mind. Wasn't a big deal that I had to see Shana's eyes looking her up and down like a piece of meat. But I had to be reasonable. _

"_If it was over, why would you lie about it?" She didn't look away as she replied. _

"_Cause I didn't want to hurt you." She stepped closer, trying to get me to give in. _

"_Emily…believe me? It's over. She was a substitute at a time when I never thought I'd get the real thing. I love you." She said it so surely, so confidently. Without hesitation. Because she honestly loved me. Maybe she had always loved me, even before I had really noticed her. I had been so consumed with Alison freshman year. I hardly noticed the outgoing but insecure girl swimming laps right beside me. _

_She surged forward, chastely kissing my lips. Then she pulled back and looked at me, seeking forgiveness. And something else. Permission. And I just knew I didn't want to fight about this. Paige had been mine even when she wasn't. I smiled, trying to encourage her. She smiled back and stepped into my arms, kissing me softly, but more insistently this time. This was the kind of kiss that led to more. Much more. _

"_I really do love you Emily." She said when we broke for air, her fingers finding the hem of my shirt but not daring to do anything else. I traced her fingers with mine and started to pull them up, my shirt inching up too. Exposing skin, different than when we were in the locker room. She gasped, her gaze hungrily roaming over my bare torso. _

"_I love you too. Please…I need…" I needed her. But she already knew, her fingers already starting to glide along my heated skin._

"_I need this too." The moon was full and my parents weren't home and Paige's gentle exploration was undoing me. I silently thanked Shana for making me jealous if this was how we got to make up. Tonight Paige was going to get the real thing…and I was going to get Paige McCullers. My heart fluttered as I started pulling her top off._

* * *

"I guess I have some things to explain to you. Things that I would have eventually told you about, I swear." I was sitting on the edge of her bed, as she nervously paced in front of me. We had walked back to her apartment in an uncomfortable silence, her 'yes' hanging in the air, saturating my mind with regrettable images. I didn't know how to explain to her how I felt.

"Your pacing is making me nervous." I stated dully, upset though I couldn't pinpoint why. She sat down next to me. She lifted her hands to stroke my cheeks or offer some other physical comfort, then seemed to think better of it and sat them in her lap. Alex had actually been home when we got back, but her cheerful greeting died in her throat when she saw the looks on our faces. Maybe she was expecting me to find out at some point, either from Paige or otherwise. I wondered if Paige had asked her to keep quiet. If that was why she had been so irritated to see people when we got back from the airport that first night. She had really been upset about Anna being there when I was going to be arriving.

"Anna and I met shortly after I got here. She was one of the members of the pride group I met Alex through. We hit it off right away. At first I was still heartbroken over you. In fact we spent a great amount of time talking about…you and me." She glanced up at me as she said it, before she returned to looking at the floor.

"But then, gradually, I started to see her in a different way. After a month of being here, we started dating. And a few weeks into it she said she loved me. And I realize I loved her too. Things just felt…good. Maybe not completely perfect but really good."

I tried to ignore the jealous twist in my stomach when she smiled a bit at some memory. She shook her head as if to return her focus to telling the story.

"And I thought that it was okay that I didn't feel the exact way I had felt with you. Because each relationship was different, right? And maybe the way I loved you…how much I had loved you…was too much? So I figured this is what a normal, healthy love felt like." Paige looked like it hurt her to tell me this. And I felt for her. Because even though this was confusing and upsetting, what she was saying made sense. I had felt the same strange sense of anticlimax when Alison and I were together. That somehow the connection wasn't there that I had experienced with Paige.

"She brought up wanting to get married to me one night while we were out with Alex and everyone at a gay bar. At first, she was just asking in general if it was something I wanted for myself. I said yes, that eventually that was a goal of mine. She then asked if I had ever thought about it with her. I told her the thought had crossed my mind." I closed my eyes, wincing. I had always sort of assumed Alison and I wouldn't get that far. Meanwhile, Paige had gotten there with someone else within a few months of leaving Rosewood behind. She continued.

"It didn't feel like a lie at the time, more like something that would probably not come up again." She added. Her words sounded slippery with breathless anxiety. I could tell she was trying to slow her speech and not let the words all fall out on top of one another.

"She asked me while we were out at a restaurant. She even had the staff in on it…they brought out champagne flutes and the ring was at the bottom of my glass. I felt like I had to say yes, otherwise I would embarrass her in front of everyone." With her eyes closed and her brow furrowed, she looked like it pained her to explain this to me.

"We had only been together six months. It was so…abrupt. Unexpected. I knew I wasn't ready for that. We hadn't even made plans to live together, let alone get married." Paige's constant energy coupled with being anxious made her agitated. She kept fidgeting, running her hands nervously up and down her thighs and hunching her shoulders. Despite how nervous she was, I could tell she was telling the truth.

"When we went home to her place that night…and I couldn't…um…I couldn't get in the mood?" I nodded to let her know I understood.

"I was so afraid and nervous. But then I tried to ask myself why? It was probably just being tired…I was confused but I would feel better in the morning. Em…that night I woke up in the worst panic attack of my life. And that includes growing up in Rosewood. I looked at her…sleeping peacefully right next to me. She was curled up on my side of the bed. I knew I had made a terrible mistake in saying yes. But instead of dealing with it like an adult, I had let her believe for a whole evening that it was going to happen." I exhaled.

"So then what happened? You told her the next day?" I asked, my voice rough from the myriad emotions I was torn between.

"I did. I explained it was all too soon, that I wasn't comfortable with it." She answered, nodding slowly but still looking at the floor. "She was hurt but seemed to understand. But the thing is…after she tried to bring our relationship to that level; it was hard to go back to normal. Impossible even. She felt, in her heart, that I would never want that with her. Eventually we both realized she was right. Because the only person I had ever…" Her voice grew thick with emotion at her last statement, and I took her hand, our fingers instinctually entwining. She forced herself to look up in my eyes.

"Paige…" I wasn't sure what to say. I was hurt she hadn't told me. But I understood. She had tried to move on.

"It's been you the whole time Em. Even when I didn't want it to be. I was certain I was over you. But when I saw you again, when we went to the karaoke bar together, I had to face how I felt." I leaned forward and nearly kissed her. She looked at my lips, and I could see the want in her eyes. But she wouldn't make the first move this time. She took her hands back, breaking our contact. It was hard to think when we were touching.

"I'm sorry if it hurt you, finding out this way. I wanted to tell you."

"Then why didn't you?" I asked.

"I wanted to remind you what we had, what we could be before my past made me lose my chance again. I needed you to know I was still the same person who loves you so much. I understand if this changes things, for us. For you wanting to be with me. I know I'm not…" She trailed off, clearly not wanting to continue her thought. Her voice coated with fear. She looked down, but I tilted her head up again.

"You know you're not what?" I asked, confused at her unfinished words.

"I know I'm not your first choice." It took my brain a few moments to process her words. And then I realized. Despite all her assurances to the contrary, Paige was still deeply hurt by what happened on prom night. And avoiding this conversation had let her continue to believe that she was my second choice.

"Oh Paige. I'm so sorry." She shut her eyes, nearly wincing, but I continued. "At prom…I did something stupid and impulsive when I kissed Alison. I was so relieved to find out she wasn't A, and still so unsure how to feel around her. But I didn't choose her over you." Paige shook her head.

"It's okay. I've made peace with it." Her voice was a defeated monotone.

"It wasn't…that. I screwed up. And I thought I had lost you forever after that. I tried so many times to contact you and explain myself. Eventually I tried to move on when I realized you weren't coming back. And yes, I did with her. But Paige?" I lifted her chin up again and her eyes searched mine, trying to gauge if I was being honest. "You're my now. And you're my future. Everything and everyone else is in the past."

This time she started to lean forward, but I surged against her first. Our lips met tentatively at first. I pulled her against me, moving my tongue against hers. I needed to show her I meant what I said. We both needed to heal, to leave our past behind.

How this conversation jumped from Anna to Alison to this, us fumbling to undress one another again, I'll never completely understand. We met each other's eyes for permission each time we removed another piece of clothing. Audible gasps full of lust and relief filled in most of the conversation, followed by moans of pleasure.

Paige stroked my cheek, gazing into my eyes. Then she braced herself, her other hand slipping into me. I gasped more from how unexpectedly wet I was than the sudden contact itself. She shook her head a little bit.

"I love you Em." I groaned in response as she started to move, creating a delicious friction. "Only you." She added. I had no more doubt. I fumbled against her belt buckle, relieved I could get it open with one hand, my other occupied by grabbing her hair, pulling her head against mine for another make out session.

I entered her, her center wet and equally receptive. "I love you. Only you Paige." I whispered.

* * *

There was one more thing I had to ask her. About what Anna had said. We were lying under her sheets again, naked and sated. Paige had an arm draped protectively around my shoulders, holding me against her. One of mine was loosely wrapped around her firm stomach, idly stroking her side.

"Anna had also said something…about you sleeping around…" I wasn't sure what to ask. I'm not sure I wanted to ask anything. I had felt Paige was smoother, more skilled. But Anna had planted a seed in my mind, something that would continue to nag if we didn't talk about it now. Paige nodded, seemingly to indicate she knew I would eventually ask.

"After Anna, I started going out with Alex a lot more. And from her, I learned I could…be social without actually breaking someone's heart. I wanted that…but I didn't want to hurt anyone. Or be hurt." She added quickly, looking away but still stroking my arm up and down with one hand.

"Were you…was it…guys and girls?" I shouldn't care. I shouldn't care and I can't be mad no matter how she answered because we weren't together.

"I'm still gay. They were all women." I could hear the smirk in her voice as she said it.

"How many?" I blurted out.

"I'm honestly not sure how knowing my number would help." That meant it was a lot. I swallowed hard, trying to collect my thoughts. I knew she would tell me if I really pressed her, but it wasn't going to do any good.

"And Anna was the only one…?"

"Anna was the only person I dated. It was before…well…I had just come here and I thought dating was the proper way to do things. She has never forgiven me for leading her on. Of course, I didn't realize that was what I was doing." She explained. We laid there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. I wanted to savor this feeling, being in our own little world. Because soon we would have thousands of miles between us again. And though I felt sated and comfortable now, I wouldn't have Paige's strong arms around me whenever I felt I needed her.

"Em…you mean more to me than any night I spent with someone else. You were never second choice."

"Neither were you." I agreed. She pulled me closer against her and kissed the top of my head. Then she looked over at her clock and sighed unhappily.

"We need to get ready to go to the airport."


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks for all your feedback on the previous two chapters; I kind of wanted to play Emily's reaction to learning about Paige's past based on your reactions to Anna. And thank you for your reactions in general, they are such a nice little boost to my day, especially when I am so close to yet another Monday morning. **

* * *

**Thanksgiving Break. **

"So when are you going to transfer?" Paige asked. I could tell she was smiling into her phone. She never failed to ask me this, even though we talked on the phone nearly every day.

"To Stanford? Never. Even if they would let me in, which they would not…" I quietly argued in a playful tone.

"That's debatable." She said, talking over me. I waited a beat.

"And I have a life here in Rosewood. The sharks need me. I'm probably going to finish my degree a year early. And I like being at home; I missed my dad most of my high school career. And my mom too actually…largely thanks to A…" I explained. Despite everything I had going on; I did miss Paige so much I often checked flight prices to San Francisco as a form of relaxation.

"I understand. I just…miss you." She said, almost a pathetic need in her voice. And that wasn't an insult; I knew that pathetic need well.

"I know." My voice was thick, stuck in a melancholy. "I get to see you for Christmas break right?" I had already asked her before, but still liked hearing it.

"Yes. Once my parents loosen their iron grip on their star student-athlete I will be spending as much time as possible with you. I'll even make time for Pingy, Wingy, and Snowy." She even remembered their names.

"I seriously love you." I breathed. I imagined seeing her for the first time since I visited. I liked to fantasize she would get home before Aria, so she could kiss me senseless. And we could hook up risk free of parents walking into the room like it would be in high school.

"I love you too." She said quietly.

"Alright I should go. Spencer and Hanna are meeting me up soon." I explained.

"Tell them I say hello." Paige added.

"I will." Without a push from my friends, we might have never gotten back together.

* * *

When I got to the booth they were both seated at, Spencer already looked exhausted. She was pinching the bridge of her nose and wincing against Hanna's wedding plans monologue. She looked up and saw me, relief washing over her face.

"Emily! How was seeing Paige and California?" Spencer yelled over the music as I walked up, trying to steer the conversation to something different.

"I already told you…oh I see. It was wonderful…except for meeting her ex-fiancée." I added, knowing just a mention of Anna would distract Hanna from her latest idea for floral arrangements.

"Don't even get me started on that again." Hanna warned. When she had found out Caleb had known about Anna and all the other girls, I was concerned about Caleb's well-being afterwards for days. But I had discreetly told him I understood why he hadn't told us. It wasn't his secret to tell, and he was protecting Paige. If he had told me before we had connected again, we might not have gotten back together.

"It sucks she can't come home for Thanksgiving." Spencer said. It was the reason I had Hanna and Spencer around. Aria and Paige both said they would be back for Christmas but they couldn't afford two roundtrips that close to one another.

"Well I'll take what I can get."

"If you catch the bouquet, tell her she was to go through with it this time." Hanna explained. Spencer stared at her hard.

"Too soon." I told Hanna.

"Speaking of too soon…have you talked to Alison at all?" Hanna asked. At least this was a break from wedding talk. Spencer gestured a server over and order us all shots.

"No I haven't in at least a month…whoa Spencer shots?" This seemed like an extreme departure from Spencer's usual play it safe behavior. Spencer nodded.

"Because I know where this line of questioning is going. Trust me we are going to need them."

"Um okay…" I added, looking back and forth between her and Hanna for explanation. The shots arrived. Tequila with salt and lime. Jesus.

"Well apparently I didn't even have to worry about inviting or not inviting her out of politeness…because she is dating Lucas. So she is coming as his date." Hanna said. I felt hot blood rush to my face. I felt blindsided.

"Wait last time I ran into her, I ran into Jake going over to her house."

"Apparently that was just for self-defense training." Spencer explained. I responded by grabbing my shot, eager to blur my mind a bit after that news. I wasn't jealous…not exactly. Just confused. And a little sad that after two years, Alison and I had both moved on so quickly.

"In a way I'm not surprised at all. Seems like something Alison 2.0 would do." Hanna off-handedly added before drinking her shot and grimacing a bit.

"Yeah well…to each their own." I added quietly.

"Alright back to these floral arrangements." Spencer and I pouted at each other from across the table.

* * *

**Christmas break.**

I parked my car in the garage and ran inside, scanning the crowd for the one familiar face. I saw her in the distance, standing next to the luggage conveyor. I walked over in long, purposeful strides. Then she looked past her shoulder and saw me coming, a smile breaking across her face.

"Em." She whispered in a reverent tone, kissing me softly. One of her hands cupped my face, and then lightly traced my jaw.

"Paige. I've missed you." I admitted, pulling her into an embrace.

"I've missed you too. Everyday. You were supposed to move out to California, remember?" She asked, tilting my chin up to kiss me again before I could answer. "What is it with us and airports?" She added.

"Come on. If we hurry we might beat Aria back to her apartment." I explained.

We wasted no time once we got back. As soon as I opened the door I pushed Paige against it, kissing her roughly. Our hands roamed, mine grabbing her ass while she let hers drift my shoulders to my chest. When we broke apart, breathing hard, her eyes looked focused and purposeful.

"Take your clothes off. Now." She commanded, as we both started pulling clothes off, leaving a trail till we managed to make it to the couch. I pushed her down and landed on top of her smooth, strong body. I started to lick and bite a trail down her torso, eager to show her exactly how much I had missed her.

"You want it that bad huh?" Paige said, grinning. Her cocky comment didn't have a follow up as I pulled her panties off and licked her once, slowly and deliberately, up and down. Instead she emitted a loud moan of pleasure and surprise at how fast we had gone. We had been parking the car less than five minutes ago.

"Oh God Em." She managed to whisper. I roamed her body with one hand while I used the other to spread her wider. She stopped talking except for the occasional curse. I moaned, turned on from the simple act of servicing her. As I started to repeat a certain pattern with my tongue, her legs began to shake. Soon after that she was completely undone.

Instead of taking time to rest, she flipped me over and began to go down on me, taking detours to pay special attention to my chest and calves before moving in on the place I needed her most. Just as her mouth began to administer pressure where I needed it, a small sound came from somewhere else in the apartment.

A split second later I recognized the distinct sound of a bolt turning after being unlocked.

"Shit!" I hissed. But it was already too late.

"Oh GOD!" Aria said, her luggage clattering to the floor as she covered her eyes. "Don't get me wrong…I'm really happy you two got back together. Hey Paige."

"Hey Aria. Nice to see you again. If you just keep your eyes closed an extra moment, we will get dressed as quickly as possible." Paige said in a shockingly nonchalant tone. I didn't even want to know if this was similar to any previous experience of hers.

After we washed up and dressed, I enveloped Aria in a hug.

"How are you?" I asked, hoping she would eventually let me live down this discretion.

"Exhausted but happy. It was amazing." She said, pulling away from me. "Here let's have a drink and I can give you both the short of it." Aria walked over to the fridge, grabbing out a few beers.

"Actually I should get going…the excuse of traffic and waiting for my luggage isn't going to last too much longer with my parents. " Paige said nervously, her hands in her pockets.

"So you guys created a bunch of excuses just to have an…encounter…before seeing your parents? I'm kind of impressed right now." Aria commented.

"Yeah I'll just drop Paige off and we can talk all about your stories." I said, not at all eager to drop Paige off but knowing I had to.

Once we got back into the car I decided I should broach another subject. One that I wasn't really worried about, but felt I needed to bring up anyway.

"So I saw Anna posted congratulations on your wall. About swimming nationals." Trying to keep my tone neutral. I could tell out of the corner of my eye Paige was trying to gauge my feelings about the subject.

"She just did that to get a reaction out of you. And to be nice. We are still on speaking terms." She explained.

I slowed to a stop in front of her house.

"Em. You never have to worry about anyone. I can't control how other girls act around me, but I only have eyes for you." I smiled a bit, and she leaned forward over the center console.

"Don't be jealous. Though for the record, it is sort of a turn-on in doses to know you care that much. Stalking my Facebook wall and all." She whispered before caressing my jaw and pulling me into a kiss before I could think of a retort. She tried to deepen the kiss, her tongue moving against mine, but I pulled away before it could get more intense. It was hard to say no to those brown eyes, but I had to.

"Don't get me riled up again. You don't get what you are doing to me right now in your relaxed, post-coital state. And I am not jealous for the record, just letting you know I have my eyes on you." I explained, getting out the car to help her carry her luggage in. She was smirking at me.

"Sure you're not. I will make up for that… disruption to our activities as soon as possible." She said, chastely kissing me before walking up the driveway to her parent's place. I shook my head before getting ready to drive back to Aria's and hear all about all the old, dead writers she studied overseas.


	23. Chapter 23

**Once again THANK YOU ALL for the reviews, favorites, follows. It means a lot to me. **

* * *

**Later. That Summer.**

"What do you mean Alison is coming tonight?" I asked, hardly able to form the words. Hanna shifted her eyes to the floor, looking away from me.

"Listen Emily I'm sorry. I know it's weird…" She offered, already sloshing a bit of her drink out her cup. We were in her mom's house, with Spencer, Aria, and Hanna's stepsister Kate.

"You didn't even allow Paige to come tonight!"

"Well Paige is your girlfriend…" She explained in a small voice, taking another sip.

"Yes exactly. Girl. Friend. Not boyfriend. Yet she wasn't allowed due to being a love interest. How is my ex-girlfriend by that logic, an appropriate choice?" I kicked off my heels and sat my purse down. I might as well relax as much as possible. Which wouldn't be much considering Alison would walk through the front door all dressed up any second. I briefly wondered if I should text Paige, but why? Nothing was going to happen. Alison would probably just freeze me out the entire night.

"I felt bad for her, okay! You were the one, tenuous string holding us to Alison. And yes she can be a terrible person. But I felt bad not including her on purpose. It makes a statement I didn't want to make about the dissolution of our group of five friends!" Aria and Spencer looked up from their drinks at this point.

"Don't pull out your big vocab words to make your point Hanna" I rolled my eyes as I grabbed a beer from Hanna's fridge.

"I CAN'T HELP BUT USE BIG WORDS WE ARE IN COLLEGE. And this is MY BACHELORETTE PARTY!" She roared, slurring her words a bit as Spencer refilled her "pink drink" that I worried was pink lemonade and everclear.

"I know you guys went through a lot in high school, but you are seriously so overdramatic." Kate observed. It had been one of her only contributions to our conversation otherwise. Hanna's parents had insisted if Kate wasn't to be in the wedding party, she was at least to be invited to the bachelorette party.

"She has a point, Em." Spencer stated, ignoring Kate. She glanced at my expression and rolled her eyes at my expression. "It'll be fine." She added. Her tone was a combination of exasperation and comfort. Aria started to shift a bit in her seat and then looked up at the door, wide-eyed. I turned my head and saw Alison hesitantly standing there, a giant gift bag in one hand and a bottle of champagne in another. She was wearing a short, pink dress with heels. "Break Free" by Ariana Grande was blaring through the sound system. I wondered if she had heard us arguing about her moments earlier.

"Congratulations. Thanks for having me." Alison said, hugging Hanna and giving her the gift. She put the bottle of champagne in the fridge before grabbing herself some pink drink and sitting down next to me.

"Hey Emily." She said, deliberately making eye contact with me. I couldn't figure out what she was feeling about this situation. So I decided to presume civil, but to keep my guard up anyway. We had been fine in the previous months, but this was a bit more intense than just passing each other on the street. Because we weren't just two people sitting here; we were exes with history. Not only our history, but how it related to our current relationships.

But we had to pretend, for an evening dedicated to celebrating sexual freedom and flirtation, that we were just two people. Two friends even.

"Hey Alison. How are you?" I offered, trying to ease the tension I felt. Or at least get the conversation going again. Crystal blue eyes met mine again, and I thought I detected a hint of a smile.

"I'm doing alright for myself. And you?" Again she seemed genuinely interested. So I tried not to question the situation.

"Good." We held each other's eyes a beat longer before turning towards the rest of the girls.

"Let's start opening gifts, shall we?" Spencer asked in a way that didn't invite disagreement with her suggestion.

* * *

Many lingerie sets and fake penis gifts later, Spencer corralled us into a limo to take us to a male revue. Hanna was already pretty wasted, but she somehow managed to walk across the back of the moving limo to sit next to me.

"Emily! Emily!"

"You don't have to shout I'm right here." Although over the musical stylings of Pitbull and Flo Rida, the yelling was helping me hear her.

"I know this show isn't your thing if you know what I mean." She winked for emphasis, doing it in slow motion to make sure I saw. I looked up and realized I wouldn't get much help from Spencer or Aria; both were getting pretty tipsy themselves. "But don't worry, because I made a special accommodation for you."

"What is that supposed to mean…" Then I realized what she was implying. "God Hanna I don't need a stripper."

"None of us need strippers per se, we just want them. That's the point!" Spencer said, smirking at her reasoning. Yep she was definitely drunk as well.

I pulled my phone out my purse and began finally texting Paige.

Emily: Among other things, I want you to know Hanna hired a female performer _especially _for me at the male revue we are going to.

I sent it, wondering at once if I should have said anything. What if it really bothered Paige? I didn't have to wait for long. It was less than a minute till my phone vibrated in my hand.

Paige: LOL well she certainly is trying to be accommodating. I will say it seems you guys are winning at night out; we just started a game of poker. There is talk of shooting cans in the forest. Lots of testosterone over here.

I looked over and saw Alison, who was in some sort of conversation with Kate. I returned to looking at my phone, trying to savor my window of opportunity to discuss the evening's events with Paige.

Me: Another thing…Alison is here. I had no idea till I got to the party that Hanna had invited her.

My phone stayed still.

"Less thinking, more drinking Emily." Aria said solemnly, handing me a bedazzled flask.

"Et tu, Brute?" I asked before taking a swig. After a few moments I texted Paige asking if she was upset.

Paige: Of course not.

Then:

Paige: I love you. I trust you.

A wave of relief washed over me.

Emily: I love you too. So much.

I put my phone away and took another, long swig of my drink. I was going to need it for the rest of the night.

* * *

I was over Alison. I was. But no matter how over your ex you think you are, it is a different test to watch them get grinded on by a dancer. And enjoy it. We were one of at least nine bachelorette parties at the male revue. Drinks were flowing freely and very in-shape men were dancing for dollars. The others were eagerly indulging in this rite of passage, but this was the first dance Alison had accepted.

It always bothered me was my inability to know what Alison was thinking or feeling. Her expressions were so masked; unlike mine which told her in heartbeat what I was thinking or feeling at any given moment. Alison looked over as the dancer dipped down to kiss her calf. I must have been wearing my mixed emotions on my face. She looked stricken, and gently pushed his shoulder away to shoo him. None of the girls seemed to notice Alison stopped actively participating after that. Probably because they were too busy participating.

As Ginuwine's "Pony" finished up, the familiar start of Warrant's "Cherry Pie" began as the one and only female addition to the cast came out on stage with some of the guys. Some of the many women in the audience whooped, which was assurance that I wasn't the only one the female performer had been sicced on.

"OVER HERE!" Aria waved a dollar in the air to signal the woman's attention. Spencer began stuffing dollars in various parts of my outfit; the top of my dress and another at the bottom where the hem stopped just above my knee.

"Handsy much, Spencer?" I asked indignantly. She just laughed and shrugged. The dancer snatched the dollar from Aria as Aria pointed at me. She was tall and blond, her legs and arms displaying a muscularity that told me she must weight train in her free time. She was pretty but looked exactly like a straight girl just doing her job.

"You seem tense honey. I'll take good care of you no worries." She purred in my ear before straddling me and dropping down hard to grind against my lap. She breathed on my neck, moaning before snatching the dollar from the top of my dress. Then she did what I could only construe as a back flip from the sitting position, staying firmly seated in my lap while bending backward till her hands touched the floor. She wiggled against me as the rest of the group went nuts clapping and laughing.

Except Alison.

"Excuse me." She said loudly over the music and the shouts, pushing away from her chair and walking towards the restroom.

The dancer then pulled herself back up by contracting her abs and whispered in my ear that it seemed my girlfriend was jealous.

"Oh no she's not my girlfriend." I assured, but it was in vain as she dropped to the ground, rubbing my legs before grabbing the other dollar Spencer had carefully placed. She then winked and walked away to the next group.

"Welcome to the dark side Em." Hanna said, grinning.

"Where'd Ali go?" Aria asked, looking around.

"I've got this." I muttered, standing up to go to the restroom. My legs felt like jelly. Even if the idea of getting the dance was weird, it was hard to not have a physical reaction.

I braced myself, walking past the bar and walls of mirrors to open the bathroom door. Alison was peering in the mirror, reapplying her lip gloss. She looked over then back to her reflection.

"Hey." She said, her voice a little thicker than usual.

"Hey. Are you okay?" I asked, folding my arms as I tried to analyze her expression.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" She said, shrugging at her own reflection before turning and trying to walk past me to the door.

"It hurts me too Ali. It wasn't easy to move on from you." She stopped. I turned to face her. She had her back to me, still looking at the exit.

But slowly, very slowly, her shoulders drooped and she turned to face me. Her eyes betrayed her vulnerability.

"Same. Even though I knew I was with you on borrowed time…it still hurt to see you go back to her." She looked tired and forlorn, but just as she finished talking it was like something else went off in her head. She met my eyes and smiled a bit. "But I still don't regret being with you Em. I really loved you." She emphasized every word in her last statement, and with the alcohol in me, making my ears buzz, it was hard to tell if she said love or loved.

"Ali…you deserve to be happy." I said, not sure how to convey all my mixed emotions about her. Before I chickened out or thought better of it, I wrapped my arms around her. She was stiff at first, but then relaxed into the hug. And it didn't seem like closure. Closure felt like a graduation ceremony or finally laughing after a crying jag with your head still buzzing from the tears. But it was the beginning of closure. It felt right.

I gave her shoulders one last squeeze before pulling away and gesturing towards the exit.

"So Lucas huh?" I offered the question as an olive leaf. A big grin broke across Alison's face. It struck me that most people had probably never seen her smile a real, sincere smile about something that made her happy.

"I could probably explain it better over a few more drinks…but yes."

* * *

The rest of the night went smooth. Even Kate was in relatively good spirits once we got to the club. We all grabbed even more drinks we didn't need and danced till the place closed down. And when we all went back to Hanna's place to crash, it felt exactly like it used to feel a long time ago. Maybe even better.

* * *

**The Next Day.**

"Okay I brought the Chinese…" Paige called up the stairs. I groaned in response. Chinese had felt like a good idea when she texted me earlier that afternoon, but now that the sun was finally starting to dip beyond the horizon the idea of heavy food made me queasy again.

"Oh Em." Paige said, smirking a bit at my misfortune. She sat the bag of food down and came over to kiss me softly on the forehead. "Uh hey I brought you some Gatorade too."

"How are you not hungover?" I asked, taking a tentative sip from the bottle.

She shrugged. "I had enough wild nights. We sipped whiskey but I don't think any of us got wasted. Unlike you ladies, I might add." She winked, before starting to pull out food and sort it on the floor for us to eat, cross-legged.

"Thanks for bringing this food." I said, trying to pull myself together to at least eat some. But before I lifted up the chopsticks, I leaned forward and kissed Paige slowly, letting my tongue brush against her bottom lip.

"What was that for?"

"Being you." I responded.


	24. Chapter 24

**Later that summer. **

Despite all the frustration on everyone's end and occasional tears shed in preparation, Hanna and Caleb's wedding was beautiful. The wedding party was standing nervously with Caleb and his mother outside the doors leading into the church itself. Toby was patting Caleb's should reassuringly, while Spencer and Aria adjusted each other's hair. I mainly couldn't take my eyes off Paige. She had on a dark grey suit, cut for women. It did pair nicely against my light pink dress. We hadn't seen each other all morning, getting ready separately. When she noticed me, her jaw actually fell open.

"You are so beautiful." She whispered, smiling. I set my bouquet down to adjust her lapels.

"So are you. Ready to walk down the aisle with me?" I teased, letting my hands linger on suit.

"In this capacity? Absolutely." She replied, kissing me just as the music started to indicate Caleb and his mother should hit their point.

"Just remember if this goes off right, we all get a drink after this." Caleb said to us all, a nervous quiver in his voice. He really did want this day to be perfect for Hanna. We all did.

After Caleb and his mom walked, Toby and Spencer went. Then Paige and I linked arms and walked out into the church. And even though it wasn't our families in the pews, it still made my heart flutter to get this taste of declaring our love in public.

* * *

"This almost reminds me of a high school dance. Without worrying about getting murdered." Paige added, raising her eyebrows in mock emphasis.

"Dancing with you is like dancing in the mirror alone." I murmured, drawing her close against me.

"Okay I think you lost me a bit…I know it's open bar but you haven't had that much?" Paige asked.

"What I mean is, until I met you, I never knew anybody I felt completely relaxed around. Even my best friends. I always have a guard, no matter how invisible. But you cracked it. I can dance with you like no one is watching." I admitted, feeling silly for saying anything. But Paige didn't look dismissive. She looked at me like she was falling in love again.

"Because it feels right with you. It always has." She whispered, tightening her grip around my hips. I swayed closer to her, resting my head on her shoulder as we swayed. "Even back in freshman year. I had such a thing for you."

I stopped dancing. "Wait you did? How did I not know this?" I thought I knew everything about Paige and I's story. Apparently I didn't even know the start.

"Well uh…it started with Alison writing me a love note actually." I arched an eyebrow in response.

"Okay now I'm really confused." I said, my tone indicating she should explain further.

"She never told you? She wrote me a steamy note, pretending it was you. It said something about how you thought about me when you were with Ben and that I…" She blushed. "Let's just say she was inventive and a master storyteller…as always." We both glanced over at Alison and Lucas. No one could have ever seen that one coming. I hoped she was happy though.

"Why did she do it?"

"To get some concrete blackmail on me. She took the letter I wrote you back. I honestly can't believe you never knew this." Paige said again. I asked her what her letter said.

"That I had noticed you too. That I had been thinking about you as well. And that I always second-guessed my feelings, but apparently you felt the same. " Paige's voice was hoarse as she explained. Her eyes held mine. I took a moment to absorb her words. Then I leaned in and kissed her.

"I do." I whispered when I reluctantly pulled away from her lips. We were still at someone else's wedding and needed to at least try and behave ourselves accordingly. So we continued to sway to the music for a bit. And for a few brief moments, I hoped that we would be dancing at our own wedding someday. In the future, when we were both ready for it.

"Paige?"

"Yeah? What is it?" She whispered, her hot breath against my ear made me shiver. I wanted to ask if she could see it too. How soon she wanted to think about our future. I wanted to ask her if it would be okay to start looking for jobs in California.

"Nothing. I just love you." I said instead, pulling myself against her strong body again.

* * *

"I don't know Paige…we are both pretty tipsy right now." I carefully said as we made our way back to our room. Paige had two bottles of beer in hand, having managed to convince the bartender to serve us two last drinks to go. Good on Hanna and Caleb for choosing a reception venue attached to a hotel.

"We have to give it a try. I've never slept with one of the bridesmaids at a wedding before..." She said, bracing an arm against the door and wrestling the keycard out from her pocket.

"Wow. A first time for something. I thought you did away with all those wild and crazy firsts when you were single." I gently chided.

"It wasn't from lack of trying." She mentioned, pressing the door open and then turning to face me, pulling me against her. I groaned at the contact. "But I'm glad I get to share it with you." She whispered, already trailing kisses across my jaw and neck. I gasped when she bit down, and reached up to take off her suit coat after setting the beers on the floor.

"It's a first for me too. Although to be honest I never expected to go home with a groomsman at one of my best friend's weddings." I started pushing her back towards the bed. Tipsy or not, we would find a way to make this work.

* * *

**Two Years Later.**

I unlocked the door to our apartment, hearing the deadbolt click back as I swung the door open. A moment later I heard her call out my name.

"Yeah it's me." I reassured, setting my keys down and starting to shrug off my coat. "Work was busier than I thought it would be. How was your day?" I found her on her laptop, updating her blog.

"It was good. Practice was brutal, but then the office was a breeze." She responded, typing rapidly. I rubbed her shoulders for a bit before leaning over and kissing her cheek.

"How was yours?"

"The usual. Although I am proud to report Felix made some very slight but promising progress in walking with the walker." Although I still practiced sports therapy exclusively and pro bono for Paige as she attempted to get on the U.S. Olympic swim team, I had found my true passion in physical therapy once I moved out to San Francisco.

She turned and looked at me now, her eyes wide with wonder and pride at my words. The news about one of my favorite clients was enough to tear her away from the computer. She rolled her chair back from the desk and pulled me down into her lap. Then she winced a bit and I flushed, slightly embarrassed.

"I haven't gained that much weight since high school have I?" I asked in a small voice.

"Jesus Em of course not! I'm just still sore from practice. Let me remind you as needed…" She slipped one arm under my knees and another around my back. Then she lifted me up against her with a triumphant grin on her face. "That I can do this?" I laughed and playfully smacked her shoulder as she carried me to the bed. She laid me down, soon joining me. It wasn't long after that till we were kissing and her hips started gently moving against mine, my breath starting to catch.

"Knock it off." I murmured. Truthfully I would have blown off dinner anytime. But tonight was special.

"It's just dinner at the same old place. You know they won't mind if we pull a no show with how often we go." Paige whispered against my neck, her hands now wandering down my sides. I gathered up all my strength and shoved her off.

"Don't be rude. Now go get ready." I instructed, smiling at her as she rolled her eyes and began stripping off her clothes on the way to the shower. This gave me the short window of time I needed. I shut the bedroom door and began stringing party lights around the living room. And inflating the kiddie pool I had purchased earlier that week.

When Paige emerged from our bedroom, it took her a second to register the decorations. Then her face twisted in a confused frown.

"What's going on Em?" She asked, glancing up at me. In that moment, she looked so innocent and puzzled I nearly started laughing. Laugh at her expression and my own nervousness. Because everything was about to change for us. Again.

"Remember when we talked about Anna the first time I visited you?" I asked.

"Yes…why are you bringing that up now?" She sounded even more confused. I shook my head and walked over, trying to soothe her by gently stroking her arms.

"Because I know that it made you scared. I realize now that being asked to be married when you weren't ready, made you scared to ask someone in case they weren't ready." She nodded, hanging her head and looking at the floor.

I reached in my pocket, pulling out the ring box.

"I love you Paige. I always have. It isn't always easy for me to understand and express my feelings. But I do know that through everything, you were the one that always got through to me, and helped remind me that I could love and trust someone despite being hurt in the past. So I'm asking you here, while we are alone and you can be honest with me. Would you do me the honor of making me your wife?" I kneeled as I finished my speech. She started to shake her head and smile simultaneously.

"Get up here." She pleaded, pulling me up and kissing me hard. So hard our teeth clacked and we both pulled back, whimpering a bit in pain and laughing at ourselves.

"Is that a yes?" I asked. She looked at me in wonderment.

"Of course." She kissed me again, slowly and deeply this time. I took the ring from the box and placed it on her ring finger. "Em this is beautiful. There's no way we can afford a ring this nice." She sounded incredulous, looking at the diamond.

Then she looked around at the decorations, noticing the kiddie pool.

"We can afford it. And you're worth it. As for the pool…I figured there should be a pool nearby. For old time's sake." I clarified.

"How did you even fill it?" She wrapped her arms around my waist

"The minute you got in the shower I started filling measuring cups of water in the kitchen sink and bringing them over." I bashfully admitted. She just held me tighter, and I could swear I felt the ring, even though my clothes as she held me.

"I'm impressed."

"Yeah well don't be. I'm not exactly sure how we are going to drain it yet."

"Are we going to go for a swim?"

"Sure but let's do it after dinner. I am very hungry. I was nervous." I admitted. I wasn't entirely sure she would say yes.

"You had no reason to be nervous. I've always been yours, and I always will be." She rubbed my back protectively to try and drive her point home. "Now come on…I want to take my future wife to dinner. And then call our parents to tell them the news. And our friends. We will have a lot of calls to make when we get back."

"We will." I agreed, smiling. No one would be surprised; most of them had expected this day would come. She turned off the lights and the waves of the pool cast a beautiful, rippling shadow on the ceiling. Paige took my hand and we walked through the door.

* * *

**Note: This chapter concludes this story. I want to thank everyone who read this, along with anyone who reviews, favorited, and/or followed it.**

**When I started this story, I will admit I wanted to: 1) challenge myself to write strictly from Emily's POV and 2) I was frustrated with Emily's character. This clearly did not make for sympathetic combination. But I hoped to show that though Emily was frustrating at the beginning of this story, that her relationship with Alison was mostly to blame. I didn't want to make Alison completely one-dimensional and villainous. Instead I wanted to show that her relationship with Emily would eventually self-destruct without much help. And of course, among other things, to show Paige and Emily are the better match.**

**Again I thank you for your time and say I hope you enjoyed the journey. **


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